2nd parent adoption ?

[kershnic]

If you did a second parent adoption at what point did you start the process?

[2brides]

We met with the attorney at about 6m. She did our wills/power of attorney/etc and gave us a list of everything we needed to get for the adoption (notes from both of our doctors,letters of references from friends,financial records,pictures of our family/house/etc, letter from the REs office...there was a ton of stuff.) I worked on that during the 2nd/3rd trimesters and got everything I could before they came. There were a few things that we couldn't get until they got here (letter from the pediatrician, etc) and getting those things took a few months after they were born (we probably could have pushed things faster, but we were trying to keep our heads above water!) The adoption went through at 7m.

I am so excited for you!

ETA: In our state, we didn't need a homestudy. That will vary from state to state - but you should be able to get that process started if it is required.

[Duchess1]

I am of no help but I had to butt in and tell you how happy I am for you!

[seattlekari]

I don't have anything to add either. I just wanted to ask how are you feeling? How are things going with prep/plans? How freaking excited are you?

[kershnic]

Haha, thanks for all the excitement guys. Obviously I'm happy but I'm also still pretty overwhelmed with fear that it still won't lead to take home babies. I have some minor symptoms (gagging while teeth brushing, bigger boobs) but nothing that screams OMG I'm pregnant. I know most women would consider that lucky, but it makes me really scared something is wrong. We are planning to tell our parents this weekend even though I feel like we should wait for another ultrasound, ha. I know I sound paranoid but 2 years of infertility and loss have kind of messed me up. But obviously from this post we are also starting to tenatively think about the next steps.

[kershnic]

Sept 27, 2013 9:30:48 GMT -5 2brides said:

We met with the attorney at about 6m. She did our wills/power of attorney/etc and gave us a list of everything we needed to get for the adoption (notes from both of our doctors,letters of references from friends,financial records,pictures of our family/house/etc, letter from the REs office...there was a ton of stuff.) I worked on that during the 2nd/3rd trimesters and got everything I could before they came. There were a few things that we couldn't get until they got here (letter from the pediatrician, etc) and getting those things took a few months after they were born (we probably could have pushed things faster, but we were trying to keep our heads above water!) The adoption went through at 7m.

I am so excited for you!

ETA: In our state, we didn't need a homestudy. That will vary from state to state - but you should be able to get that process started if it is required.

This is helpful, thanks. I don't even know whether we need a home study here or not. I hope we can get it done before 7m. But what a freaking pain... I am so annoyed to have to do it at all, especially when it won't be tax deductible. But DW's work has a paid leave to be taken immediately after birth or adoption for a primary caretaker...we suspect she won't be eligible after birth because I'll be home, but we're wondering if the adoption might be a loophole.

[2brides]

I would think so. You might even be able to stretch the time you have them home with you taking maternity leave first and then B taking adoption (ahem, maternity leave) after that. I've had several friends do that (both gay and straight.)

[kershnic]

Sept 27, 2013 14:41:29 GMT -5 2brides said:

I would think so. You might even be able to stretch the time you have them home with you taking maternity leave first and then B taking adoption (ahem, maternity leave) after that. I've had several friends do that (both gay and straight.)

Oh yes, this would totally be the goal. Ending with a difficult decision about whether I would then quit my job or not.

[seattlekari]

kershnic yay for telling your parents! You must come back here Monday and tell us all about it!

[2brides]

Yea, a co-worker just went through this. She got the company to extend her maternity leave to 6m (unpaid), came back for 2 weeks and decided she couldn't do it and wanted to be a SAHM (granted they also moved at the end of her pregnancy and she is now commuting 3+ hrs/day in addition to a new baby.)

Adult decisions suck. Good luck with those decisions!

And yes, come back and tell us about your parents!

[twotrue]

In NY you'll need to get a home study. We were allowed to hire any social worker we wanted, so I got someone I work with. You will also need to get fingerprinted for the background checks. And the application makes you list every place you've lived for the last 27 years so if you've lived a lot of places start gathering that info.

This time around our lawyer mentioned something about the court wanting the prints fine within a few weeks of the court date. I don't know if that is just our local judges' preference or what.

I actually have our while adoption packet for the boys on my desk. I'll try to see if there is anything else I forgot.

Oh but the point about the prints is, if the judge only considers them good for a few weeks then you really can't do that part until the babies are here anyway.

sent by phone

[kershnic]

Sept 27, 2013 20:25:46 GMT -5 twotrue said:

In NY you'll need to get a home study. 

We actually live just across the river in NJ (but both work in the city).  We'd had some thoughts about moving into the city before babies, but as of right now we're probably staying here.  

[kershnic]

Sept 27, 2013 20:12:22 GMT -5 2brides said:

Yea, a co-worker just went through this. She got the company to extend her maternity leave to 6m (unpaid), came back for 2 weeks and decided she couldn't do it and wanted to be a SAHM (granted they also moved at the end of her pregnancy and she is now commuting 3+ hrs/day in addition to a new baby.)

Adult decisions suck. Good luck with those decisions!

And yes, come back and tell us about your parents!

I really really really do not want to destroy any favor I've developed with my highers ups by begging for longer job protection and then quitting on them - so we really need to make a decision ahead of time.  Commuting 3+ hours a day sounds miserable though, so I don't blame your coworker.  

[twotrue]

Sept 29, 2013 17:10:49 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Sept 27, 2013 20:25:46 GMT -5 twotrue said:

In NY you'll need to get a home study. 

We actually live just across the river in NJ (but both work in the city).  We'd had some thoughts about moving into the city before babies, but as of right now we're probably staying here.  

You know as I was typing I thought to myself you were in NJ. Oops, sorry

sent by phone

[kershnic]

Oct 4, 2013 23:28:34 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

We started before they were born. We lived in Passaic cry then and could file at birth. Now we are in Bergen and I think you have to wait six mo. PM me if you want my attys info. She specializes in same sex adoption.

PM sent.  I've read that it's very county specific.  When I googled our county (Hudson) and second parent adoption I didn't come up with much.  But I can't imagine there's not a bunch of same-sex couples having babies here.    Hoping your attorney covers us!