Is our toddler manipulating us? Potty-training-related

[gmail]

DS knows how to pee on the potty, as he's done it at home twice and he goes at the little urinal at school all the time.

But if you ask him to sit/practice/try/whatever, he gets really upset and is all "NO! I DON'T WANT TO!" Sometimes he'll sit and immediately pop back up and say "I'm done!" without having done anything.

We just figured he wasn't ready, so we weren't pushing it. But the other night, he pooped in the tub and DH was SO MAD. He is convinced that DS is ready to be PT'd and is just doing this to manipulate us. I disagree, and I'm worried that if I push him to PT (like try the 3-day method or something), it will backfire.

He will be 3 in December. My plan was to wait until he showed more signs of readiness, which he hasn't yet.

Thoughts from the ML parent brigade?

[Redpoppy]

It is pretty early for a boy. DS was 3.5, but I was lazy about it too.

[ijack]

Don't push him. poop issues are a horrible, horrible thing and can result in ER trips and therapy (I'm not joking, this has happened to 3 friends).

[iamgrace]

Do not push the issue. He's still young. Pooping in the tub is nothing to get pissed about. It happens.

[eddy]

No

Giving a fuck about PT is the last sort of developmental step. He just doesn't care, which is totally appropriate for his age.

He pooped in the tub because he is used to pooping in his diaper. It isn't a manipulation thing. It is just him not putting it all together yet.

Also getting mad will delay this happening so much. Tell your H to cool it.

[Deleted]

Tell your husband to relax.

[eddy]

Also the not wanting to sit on the toilet is totally normal. So drop it and come back in a month or so. If he has the same reaction rinse and repeat. He isn't ready. And just because he went pee or poop on the potty still doesn't mean he is ready.

He has to be willing to do it on his own without lots of bribes and pushing. Otherwise it is such a headache for you.

We revisted the issue on and off and Jack was PT at 3 years and 3 months. When it finally clicked it was effortless.

[calledout]

If you wait, PT will be easy. It doesn't have to be a struggle or stressful, but that also means it won't happen on your exact timeline. Wait until he turns 3, and then see where he's at.

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2013 11:10:24 GMT -5 Que? said:

He's just not ready.

IMO, the key to success in so many areas where they exert control (food, potty training) is pretending you don't give a shit. Your H is going to do more damage than good by getting angry.

Yes! Do. Not. Engage. Especially at this age.

[gmail]

Thanks all. I agree with you, so it's nice to have these arguments for my H.

[jaycee]

We just went through potty training and I can attest to the fact that the kid has to be 100% ready. Just wait. He isn't trying to manipulate you.

[WOT?*]

It's totally normal for a kid to poop in the tub. It's not normal to think a 2.5 year old is "manipulative" and and trying to get out of potty-training and getting pissed at a 2.5 year old for doing normal things. Some kids are not ready to be potty trained, some are fearful of the toilet (especially if you're using the big toilet and not a kid sized one, or the big one without a seat insert and stool for his feet; little kids are afraid of falling through if they're not supported.)

I'm dealing with a 7 year old with encopresis and enuresis. Don't push the issue if it's too early. You'll know when he's ready and so will he.