This makes me....uncomfortable.

[Deleted]

Wtf.

[Deleted]

I can't even bring myself to watch.

[wambam]

*shudder*

[walterismydog]

Ew. This seems so...manipulative. And weird. Do not like.

[Jalapeñomel]

No way I am clicking on that link.

Why would a dying father want this of his child? I'm fairly certain all my dad would care about is me holding his hand and staying by his side, not pledging my virginity.

[tacocat]

Yeah, not watching the video after the description you gave. That just sounds weird.

[lola]

She's 10 and her dad is dying. She doesn't understand what she's saying, and she may or may not keep her "vow" until the day she finds her perfect man and marries him. Regardless I imagine if, at 10, I was dealing with losing my father I'd do just about anything to make him happy/proud of me.

[snipsnsnails]

These are like those committment ceremonies/promise ceremonies/I don't know what they're called, but with the extra weird element of the father passing soon? Um, no thanks. Sad in more ways than one.

[lola]

Oct 3, 2013 11:27:33 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

It was just....I was SO uncomfortable. Like, the fake-minister-dude asked her to promise to marry a "Godly man" and "to save yourself until you find a man who loves you as much as your Daddy does."

ETA - yes, I think you're right about holding the adults responsible here.

[snipsnsnails]

Oct 3, 2013 11:27:09 GMT -5 lola said:

She's 10 and her dad is dying. She doesn't understand what she's saying, and she may or may not keep her "vow" until the day she finds her perfect man and marries him. Regardless I imagine if, at 10, I was dealing with losing my father I'd do just about anything to make him happy/proud of me.

I think the sad part is, though, what if she goes back on this promise somewhere down the road? The emotional and psychological guilt she might experience at that point just doesn't seem worth it. It's not just the breaking of the promise, it's the added element of disappointing someone (she might think) who won't be there to tell her differently.

[Jalapeñomel]

Oct 3, 2013 11:27:09 GMT -5 lola said:

She's 10 and her dad is dying. She doesn't understand what she's saying, and she may or may not keep her "vow" until the day she finds her perfect man and marries him. Regardless I imagine if, at 10, I was dealing with losing my father I'd do just about anything to make him happy/proud of me.

I'm not blaming that poor kid one bit.  It's the weirdness that her dad is asking her to do it that I find incredibly uncomfortable.

[Captain Serious]

Oct 3, 2013 11:27:09 GMT -5 lola said:

She's 10 and her dad is dying. She doesn't understand what she's saying, and she may or may not keep her "vow" until the day she finds her perfect man and marries him. Regardless I imagine if, at 10, I was dealing with losing my father I'd do just about anything to make him happy/proud of me.

That's just the problem.  She's 10 and doesn't understand what she's promising to do.  When she's older, it will be very hard for her to keep this promise, and if she fails, it will be amplified as failing to live up to the vow she made at her father's deathbed.

You don't see how that could be emotionally detrimental to a young woman and can leave her with an unhealthy view about sex and relationships?

[CrazyLucky]

It's definitely weird, but dying parents get a lot of latitude. I wish they had just left it with "Do you promise to wait until you find the right man to marry?" Of course, we should all do that. The whole saving yourself is weird and who the heck wants to ask that of a 10 year old?

[lola]

I signed a Virginity Card. In high school. My PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL. A group came in and talked about maintaining our virginity until we were married, and then gave us all pledge cards to sign. I don't know how the hell that happened in a public school.

And just to be clear - I do agree, the adults in this situation bear the responsibility.

[Deleted]

Yeah cause thats not gonna fuck her up AT ALL.

[lissaholly]

The concept was sweet, but the execution is therapy inducing. Make sure your daughter vows to live her life the way she sees fit and to worry about making herself happy and not others. Throw in the white dress,the ring, and the ceremony as for the dad alone. don't make it so damn specific, conditional and obligatory. Do not put the expectation of ( hetersexual) marriage, preserving your virginity to the standards of your dead father and all the rest. Girls have enough ways of measuring their shortcomings- don't creat any as a parent.

[wannabe]

ew.

[iamgrace]

Oh jeez.

[mrsericnorthman]

It's weird, simply because they have to do a whole shebang for it.

[Deleted]

see, it doesn't make me uncomfortable.

it makes me vomit with disgust and rage.

so, there's that.

[vallarta]

It also kind of bothers me that these things are always about the wedding. I don't have kids, but I think about days like graduation, buying a house, maybe having kids. Why is the wedding day considered the most important day ever?

[ECB]

Dying when your kid is 10 is going to impact them enough as it is. I don't give dying parents latitude to add this kind of weird ritual to the mix and really ensure your kid is screwed up.

[Deleted]

Weirdo-rama.

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2013 12:52:08 GMT -5 vallarta said:

It also kind of bothers me that these things are always about the wedding. I don't have kids, but I think about days like graduation, buying a house, maybe having kids. Why is the wedding day considered the most important day ever?

YES.

i mean, i remember trying to communicate to our real estate agent that we were looking for our forever home even though L was like 7 weeks old.  i said something like "i want this to be the house where we take prom photos in the front yard."  which got the point across, but then i was all pissed off at myself.  what if she thinks prom is stupid?  what if she isn't asked?  what if blah blah.  i was so annoyed that i went to a default princessy type thing, rather than thinking about other aspects of her growing up.

i mean, weddings are great and all, but what if that 10 year old grows up to be a goth lesbian who lives in a state that hasn't legalized marriage yet (my god, i hope that's not the case--i hope that all states are on the ball by the time this kid is old enough to marry)?  now she has a stupid heart-shaped RING OF REGRET that will make sure she knows that she failed her dead father.  awesome.

[leeann]

This is really weird and creepy. I don't have kids, but I'd think that on my death bed, I'd have other things to worry about beyond what may or may not enter my daugther's vagina in the next decade.

[joshlyman]

Purity pledges like this are common with fundies, but the dying dad just takes it to a whole different layer in the crazy cake.