WBCIIY and quick help telling kids about death

[KKD]

Because I don't want to screw this up when we tell the girls tonight.

H's grandfather passed away this morning. He had a rapid decline after a cancer diagnosis just a few weeks ago. If you had told me in the spring that he was going to get sick, or a month ago that he was going to die, I wouldn't have believed it. Even at the beginning of this week, we thought he had a few weeks left. H and I went to visit this morning while the girls were in school and were in the room when he died. 

He and GMIL had always been impressively youthful for their age. They would visit us almost weekly to spend time and play with the girls, so the girls were very close with them. Understandably, they will be very upset. Any advice on how to tell them?

To make matters worse, the IL's dog died last week (at only six years old) of the same cancer. We didn't tell them because H decided we'd tell them when necessary, i.e. when we visited them next. Now I don't know what to do.

[vicky]

I'm so sorry, dear.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry

No real advice other than looking for a good book. I know there have been some recommended here.

[snipsnsnails]

I'm sorry, K.

I think it's good to be direct and simplistic with kids. Don't be afraid to show them that this is sad and it's ok to be sad.

You can tell them he was sick and his body stopped working. He died (As opposed to "gone to heaven" or "resting") and that means that his body doesn't eat or sleep or walk or talk anymore. Kids deal well with physical, tangible things. You can reiterate that his sickness was a certain kind that the doctors couldn't fix. But that when they get sick with a cold or something else, the doctors can fix it.

I'd also just ask if they have any questions. If you want to broach a spiritual aspect, you can talk about God and that Grandpa is now gone and you won't see him anymore, but that he is with God.

[LLL]

I'm sorry for your loss

[snipsnsnails]

Oh, and if they saw him during his quick decline, it might also help to mention that this means he is not in any pain at all anymore.

[sunshineluv]

I have heard there are some great books as others mentioned.

I think you have to be careful not to say he got sick and dies, because they may associate the word sick with death. So the next time you get a cold they may fear you will disappear. This is obviously age dependent.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[cuddlyevil]

I am sorry as well.

We were honest with DD when we had to attend a funeral for H's uncle. He had cancer as well and dided within 3 months of his diagnosis. We explained to her that he had gotten sick, the doctors did everything they could but they couldn't fix him and he went to live with God.

Be gentle and gauge their reactions, they will be understandably upset and will probably have a lot of questions. Answer what you can and give liberal hugs.

[revolution]

I'm sorry for your loss.

In my experience, it is best to be honest and simple with them. If you believe in heaven, tell them about that. You can talk about his heart stopped beating and he died. When my dad died, the hospice social worker told me not to use the words 'passed away' or 'is gone' with DD (she was 3). To tell her that he died, because he did and kids don't get the meaning of passed away or other expressions regarding death. Also, expect questions out of the blue and when you least expect it about their grandfather and death in general.

[KKD]

Thanks, everyone. This is all very helpful. We do believe in God and heaven so we will incorporate some of that as well. We were just caught off-guard (by both Grandpop and the dog) and didn't expect to have to talk about this so soon. :(

[UMaineTeach]

sorry for your loss