Two anniversaries--AMA

[flex]

Tuesday was my 8th wedding anniversary.  This Sunday is the 6th anniversary of the worst day of my life.  

I have found that talking about things helps to lighten "the load", plus I love to talk about DH and how awesome he was and how happily married we were.

So if you have any questions about our courtship, our wedding, our marriage, or even about his death, feel free to AMA.  And I assure you--any question you ask will be answered.  I can handle it.

[Deleted]

I don't have any questions but just wanted to say I'm sorry.

[dcannie]

how did you get used to living alone? at night what did you do to help you sleep/not think about him?

[dcannie]

also, how did you meet?
and will you post a picture of him? (errr...maybe the one where he is shirtless in a lounge chair? lol.) i am only half-joking. he was very handsome.

[milosh]

When you talk about 'H' in your posts, are you talking about your H that passed away? Or did you get remarried afterwards?

[bab]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I remember that horrible day.

[lime]

Where/how did you two meet?

Do you feel you would have been a good match at a much younger age? (I ask b/c I met H when I was 30 and probably wouldn't have connected with him in my early 20s.)

[shostakovich]

First, flex, I'm so sorry. And also, you are awesome.

What was his sense of humor like? What stuff would he do that would drive you nuts?

[muffin0]

SIX YEARS ALREADY?

I'm so sorry. 

I still remember this day, and I hate it for you. 

[MixedBerryJam]

I, too, am waiting for the "how we met" story. I'm sorry you had such a brief time with your beloved H. And I'm glad you like to talk about him. Those stories keep him with you.

[wambam]

I'm so sorry.

How long did it take before you were "okay" i.e. able to function as a human being? I have morbidly thought about my H dying before and all I can imagine is completely falling apart and not being able to do anything. I think i would just be completely paralyzed by pain.

[TrudyCampbell]

What was the best vacation you guys took together?

Also, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[papie]

I can't believe it was already six years ago. (((Hugs)))

[polka]

I'm sorry, flex.  (heart)

What was the most funny or embarrasing moment you both shared?

[angelaa73]

Big hugs flex!

I totes remember your post that morning. Like, is this for real??? Holy fucking shit!! I even remember what I was wearing, where I was sitting. So odd. Like chris' death is my nest version of the challenger explosion.

Okay, your question!

Do you think you will ever marry again? I know you think you have to settle, since he was the bees knees and nobody else comes close.... Do you think you are too tough on these guys?

[iamgrace]

Hugs, flex.

This question came to mind because I was thinking about Newtown the other day and remember reading that a mother was sleeping in her daughter's bed for a while after she died. I know that I would do the same, and would struggle to ever change the sheets. Like I don't think I would ever wash them. Child or husband.

How long did it take to wash the sheets?

This might be a weird question!

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Oh flex I wish I could hug you. I remember that morning so clearly; sitting there at my desk in my pjs on my old iMac, refreshing the page like crazy, trying to will a better outcome for you.

I really am so sorry

A question: what kind of music did he like? Did he have a favorite song or band? And how about you?

[underwaterrhymes]

Everyone has really great questions that I'm sure will stir a bunch of beautiful memories.

I just want to send big hugs your way.

[murdock]

Just seeing the way you worded your OP, you have quite the fortitude and are one incredible woman.

I'm very sorry.

[10nille]

I remember thinking your DH was a good looking man and you made a beautiful couple. I'm amazed by your strength and this post shows you are just a caring person.
A year ago I pm'd you about a problem with my son and your words made a difference. I'm still grateful.

[flex]

Oct 3, 2013 17:53:33 GMT -5 dcannie said:

how did you get used to living alone? at night what did you do to help you sleep/not think about him?

I got used to living alone by being in so much shock that I didn't notice the aloneness right away.

While I was at work it wasn't too bad.  But when I got home at night...luckily DS#3 was still living with me (at his dad's on the weekends) so that helped me to focus.  Plus at night I worked on making jewelry.  That kept my mind off my grief.  I mean, not that I was trying to avoid my feelings, but it helped me distribute it more evenly.  Have some grief, then focus on making jewelry, more grief, then focus again on jewelry.

[flex]

Oct 3, 2013 18:38:44 GMT -5 frkls said:

i have no questions, but i thought of you when we were in the doctor's office yesterday talking about heart transplants...then again on the way home when h was talking about 20 year term life insurance. this is probably a completely weird, unhelpful and inappropriate thing to tell you but i thought about you and your h a lot yesterday. i don't think i know anybody else who lost her husband when they were so young and i was thinking about how horrible that day was but how amazing you are doing. i just admire the heck out of you!

I'm glad I could kind of help you, frkls.  In a way, you're kind of lucky.  You and DH know there's a problem, and you're dealing with it. You have advance notice, ya know?  We had no advance notice of DH's condition.  And he was like a lot of guys...he didn't think he needed a doctor for anything.  Since he was covered under my insurance, he qualified for check ups.  I was almost at the point where I was going to insist he go to the doctor for regular check-ups--then he was gone.  

[mcsangel2]

Oct 3, 2013 19:53:00 GMT -5 flex said:

Oct 3, 2013 18:38:44 GMT -5 frkls said:

i have no questions, but i thought of you when we were in the doctor's office yesterday talking about heart transplants...then again on the way home when h was talking about 20 year term life insurance. this is probably a completely weird, unhelpful and inappropriate thing to tell you but i thought about you and your h a lot yesterday. i don't think i know anybody else who lost her husband when they were so young and i was thinking about how horrible that day was but how amazing you are doing. i just admire the heck out of you!

I'm glad I could kind of help you, frkls.  In a way, you're kind of lucky.  You and DH know there's a problem, and you're dealing with it. You have advance notice, ya know?  We had no advance notice of DH's condition.  And he was like a lot of guys...he didn't think he needed a doctor for anything.  Since he was covered under my insurance, he qualified for check ups.  I was almost at the point where I was going to insist he go to the doctor for regular check-ups--then he was gone.  

I wasn't hanging out on ML back then. What did he pass away from?

I'm sorry for your loss. (wilted)

[flex]

Oct 3, 2013 17:55:39 GMT -5 sequins said:

I am so so so sorry. If you feel better talking about it, tell me how you met. Tell me what he was like.

He was very handsome and had lots of nice muscles--he worked out on the regular.  He had beautiful dark glossy hair and seriously less than 10 grey hairs (he was 46 when he passed away).  I loved every single part of him: his hands, his feet, his cute butt, his broad shoulders, dark brown eyes--everything.  He was very sweet and sensitive, but he had a bit of edge to him so he wasn't a sissy boy.  lol  He had never been married before (he was 44 when we got hitched), because he was waiting for the right girl to come along.  And once she did, he was ready to make it forever.

[flex]

Oct 3, 2013 17:55:49 GMT -5 dcannie said:

also, how did you meet?
and will you post a picture of him? (errr...maybe the one where he is shirtless in a lounge chair? lol.) i am only half-joking. he was very handsome.

He was handsome.  So handsome I couldn't believe that he picked me out of a very lonnnnnnnnnnng line of willing females.  lol

After I divorced ex-dh, I took a part-time job (on top of my full-time job) at a car dealership as the weekend receptionist--DH was a finance manager.  At the time, I was seeing someone so I wasn't looking for a BF.  We knew each other for two years as co-workers before we went out on our first date.  

[flex]

Oct 3, 2013 17:55:57 GMT -5 milosh said:

When you talk about 'H' in your posts, are you talking about your H that passed away? Or did you get remarried afterwards?

My late husband is my DH, and I have an ex-dh (lower case).

I'd like to remarry someday, but so far no one has been able to float my boat.  I wonder if I'll ever find someone.

[Moe]

I still remember Sweetday telling me about it, while I was across the other side of the world.  

Such a sad moment.

You definitely had a tremendous love story with him.

[pugz]

I remember that awful day, I can't believe that was 6 years ago.

what's your happiest memory from your wedding day?

[flex]

Oct 3, 2013 17:58:34 GMT -5 lime said:

Where/how did you two meet?

Do you feel you would have been a good match at a much younger age? (I ask b/c I met H when I was 30 and probably wouldn't have connected with him in my early 20s.)

I answered the first question above.

I don't think we would have been a couple when we were younger.  DH was a huge player back in the 80's/90's, and I truly feel he would have broken my heart.  We met at the right time in our lives.  : )

[FastHands]

No questions, but you are pretty great. I'm sorry for your loss.