"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
also, how did you meet? and will you post a picture of him? (errr...maybe the one where he is shirtless in a lounge chair? lol.) i am only half-joking. he was very handsome.
Give me a couple minutes and I'll see if I can find that particular picture. lol
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
First, flex, I'm so sorry. And also, you are awesome.
What was his sense of humor like? What stuff would he do that would drive you nuts?
He had a really good, ballsy sense of humor. He needed that as a salesperson. lol And he did not take himself super seriously which was quite refreshing after tolerating ex-dh for 17 years.
What drove me nuts is he would be pissed off after work if he had a slow sales day. AND he liked online video games. He'd stay up really late at night playing with his "clan". It didn't bother me a huge amount, but I could see us having a "conversation" about it a few years down the road.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
How long did it take before you were "okay" i.e. able to function as a human being? I have morbidly thought about my H dying before and all I can imagine is completely falling apart and not being able to do anything. I think i would just be completely paralyzed by pain.
It took 13 months before the pain like a knife in my chest went away. Driving home from work was really hard, because I would kind of "forget" while I was at work, and then I'd get in my car and start thinking "OH MY GOD! My husband died!"
One particular hard day was in early December--like eight weeks after it happened. I flew to Oregon for my mom's birthday and mine (Dec. 5th and 7th). I had a layover in Seattle for like 2-3 hours. I kept looking at all the old couples and the young couples, and I'd think "Why couldn't that be Chris and I??" The emotional pain in those couple hours was absolutely horrific. **shudder**
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Add me to the club. I remember being on ML, and dicking around with whatever BS we were on about that morning when you posted. I was dumbstruck, it didn't seem real. It took me refreshing a ton before I could formulate a response. Your strength and grace that day blew me out of the water. Any admiration I had for you before them increased tenfold.
I know you have a longterm plan to move back to the lower US, how is that plan moving along? Was that something you & Chris were going to do together, or is it something that has come to you afterwards?
I'm so sorry. I'd love to hear about how you met, and how you knew he was the one for you! I think he'd love to know you are bragging about him to a bunch of girls on a msg board.
He loved you ladies on ML. One evening the Nighttime ML'ers "interviewed" him and HE.LOVED.IT. He was like His#1Girl's DH: he loved it when the ladies flirted and complimented him.
I knew he was the one for me because he loved heavy metal rock like me, we had the same interests and the same kind of 80's history (lol), he accepted me as I was, etc., etc. I also liked the fact that he didn't drink--not because he was in recovery, but because he quit drinking so he wouldn't smoke cigarettes. He had stopped smoking 10 years before.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I am sorry. You guys made a beautiful couple. I'm glad you'll see him again someday.
Light questions, well, most.
When you go to the movies, what do you usually get? What was your favorite subject in school? Where is the prettiest place that you've been? What is a unique thing about your H that really stood out to you, something that you may not have even mentioned to him, but it always struck you?
When you go to the movies, what do you usually get? kettle corn What was your favorite subject in school? History Where is the prettiest place that you've been? Eugene, Oregon and The Bellagio What is a unique thing about your H that really stood out to you, something that you may not have even mentioned to him, but it always struck you? I loved his hands. They were so strong...and manly. He should have been a hand model.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
What was the best vacation you guys took together?
Also, I'm so sorry for your loss.
We only took two vacations together: a cruise on the Mexican Riveria for our honeymoon: January 2006, and we went to Oregon for my 30th class reunion in July 2007. He died less than three months later.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
What was the most funny or embarrasing moment you both shared?
OH I know!!! Embarrassing for me (and pretty fukken funny for him) was he took me to his parents house for dinner for the very first time. (BTW: this was when I knew our relationship was serious. He had told his mom that if he brought a girl to dinner, that was the girl he was going to marry. His mom screamed with joy when he called her to tell her I was coming over).
Anyway, I was really nervous about meeting everyone for the first time. I made one of my famous recipes: frozen pea salad. It has cashews in it, so I was eating some cashews while I made it. For some reason I had a bad batch of cashews or I just ate too many in my nervousness or I had a temporary bout of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but I started farting these HORRENDOUSLY STINKY farts as soon as I got to his parents house!!! I was so mortified--they were so bad that I had to run to the bathroom before I could let loose (luckily they were pretty quiet rippers). DH and I were standing in the kitchen after I had already made a couple trips to the bathroom while we were standing there. Right at that moment I let loose with one, and it was so horribly putrid that DH's head whipped back. LOL We roared about it after we got home--his parents never knew. Either that or they caught a whiff of it and said nothing. ha ha
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I remember that awful day, I can't believe that was 6 years ago.
what's your happiest memory from your wedding day?
Oh gosh...there's so many. One of them is our wedding and reception in Oregon. At the reception he got to meet my big ol' Scots/Irish family--and most importantly my grandmother. They loved him, and he loved them all. And his parents and his sister (and her family) were able to attend too--they were unsure if his dad was going to live long enough to see his eldest get married, but he did. And two of my BFF's were able to come up for the wedding and reception.
I can truly say our wedding day was the happiest day of my life.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Add me to the club. I remember being on ML, and dicking around with whatever BS we were on about that morning when you posted. I was dumbstruck, it didn't seem real. It took me refreshing a ton before I could formulate a response. Your strength and grace that day blew me out of the water. Any admiration I had for you before them increased tenfold.
I know you have a longterm plan to move back to the lower US, how is that plan moving along? Was that something you & Chris were going to do together, or is it something that has come to you afterwards?
Janie, it was TOTALLY something we were going to do together. He was born and raised in Anchorage, and he wanted to move to a place that was hot in the summer. He knew it was my intention to move back to Oregon someday. He decided that the best place to go in Oregon was Bend, because he had heard there was like 300 days of sunshine there. So when we went to Oregon for my class reunion, we stopped in Bend first so he could see it for himself. I have cousins living there, plus my grandparents had a cabin there in the 60's and 70's, so I knew my way around. He fell IN LOVE while we were there. So that was the plan: we were going to wait until I was 58 (so I could retire with full benefits).
It was like 3 days after his service that I remembered the retirement plans we had made. It made me so sad. Then I realized now I didn't have to wait until I was 58 to retire. So I plan on moving back to my hometown either late 2016 or early 2017.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I remember that day as well. I can't believe it's been six years.
How often do you dream about him? Are they usually comforting/happy or sad dreams?
I remember all of the dreams I've had of him. One was shortly after he died. It was a good one. In all of the dreams I have had of him, he doesn't talk. And honestly I haven't had any of him in person in quite some time.
The last DH-related dream I had was just the other night. I was asking my MIL for his phone number so I could call him, and she wasn't sure if she should give it to me. LOL
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I totes remember your post that morning. Like, is this for real??? Holy fucking shit!! I even remember what I was wearing, where I was sitting. So odd. Like chris' death is my nest version of the challenger explosion.
Okay, your question!
Do you think you will ever marry again? I know you think you have to settle, since he was the bees knees and nobody else comes close.... Do you think you are too tough on these guys?
I would like to marry again. But the air has been let out of my "attraction" tire. I don't think I'm too tough on the guys. I'm either not capable of feeling strongly about anyone again OR I just haven't met the right guy again. I mean I don't expect to re-create Chris, but I know there are some men out there who can come close. I'd like to think they just haven't come into my life yet. lol
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Did you get to say goodbye to him, or did he pass away suddenly? I lost my sister a few years ago and not really being able to say goodbye has been the hardest part for me.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I remember thinking your DH was a good looking man and you made a beautiful couple. I'm amazed by your strength and this post shows you are just a caring person. A year ago I pm'd you about a problem with my son and your words made a difference. I'm still grateful.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Did you get to say goodbye to him, or did he pass away suddenly? I lost my sister a few years ago and not really being able to say goodbye has been the hardest part for me.
I didn't say good bye. I think he was already gone, but he was making laboring or agonal breathing. I don't think he was capable of human thought at the time. It took him about 5 minutes to breathe his last. He had woken me up with those sounds, and at first I thought he was having a bad dream. So I jumped up, turned on the lights and shook his shoulder (he was on his side towards me) and called his name. He continued to make the noises so I sprinted for the phone and called 911. The operator told me to unlock the front door, which I did (I don't remember this too clearly), and I sprinted back to our bedroom with the operator still on the line. I got down on the floor to look at him. She asked me what he was doing and I told her. Right at that moment, the air went out of him. I said his name and got no response. She asked me if he had a pulse and I couldn't find one.
Anyway, to answer your question: no, I didn't say good bye. But we told each other before we went to sleep that night that we loved the other. So that was our good-bye, I guess.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Oh yes, I still talk to my MIL. In fact, she got me a beautiful diamond pendant to commemorate my 25-years of recovery, and she gave it to me at lunch last week. She'll always be my MIL as far as I'm concerned.
My FIL passed away 18 months before Chris did. My poor MIL. : (
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny