long, but i need thoughts

[kcandbrae]

had to go, sorry. 

[sparkythelawyer]

Do you have an attorney? If not, time to get one.

You probably want visitation more firmly established between the two of you anyway.

[shopgirl07]

I'm sorry, how stressful.

You've been the main custodial parent for his entire life. Your ex has been intermittent with child support and visitation. He's still in arrears, right? Anyway, I doubt the courts will look too kindly upon his idea.

[CurlyQ284]

Oct 4, 2013 10:30:23 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

I'm sorry, how stressful.

You've been the main custodial parent for his entire life. Your ex has been intermittent with child support and visitation. He's still in arrears, right? Anyway, I doubt the courts will look too kindly upon his idea.

This. I think its pretty apparent what's happening and a judge will see this.

[kcandbrae]

Oct 4, 2013 10:30:55 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I guess my first question is, does Brae enjoy spending time there? Is he happy there? Would it be beneficial to him to spend more time there with his brothers?

he cries when it's time to go over there. 

but then he cries when it's time to leave. 

i know he hates the shuffle, but there's little we can do to remedy that. 

i don't know if it would be beneficial for him to spend more time with his brothers. i do know that at times he has complained of feeling like a babysitter since he is constantly having to care for baby bro #1 (but in an appropriate, big brother way) & i try to explain that is just what having a life with siblings is like. 

[mrsjuleshs]

Oct 4, 2013 10:32:21 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Oct 4, 2013 10:30:23 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

I'm sorry, how stressful.

You've been the main custodial parent for his entire life. Your ex has been intermittent with child support and visitation. He's still in arrears, right? Anyway, I doubt the courts will look too kindly upon his idea.

This. I think its pretty apparent what's happening and a judge will see this.

This exactly.  My BFF is going through something similar.  Her ex who was in prison most of her DD's life and never made visitations a priority when he wasn't is trying to get 50/50 custody.  It is not looking favorable when they have not followed prior court orders.  Good luck, and we are always here for you when you need to let it out.

[meggers5]

I have no advice at all, but it seems like he's messing with a good thing. I hope it works out best for you guys.

[Deleted]

i don't have any answers or advice, but fuck him. i know he's your son's father and you've done all you can to try to encourage and support that relationship, so you don't get to say "fuck him" in front of your kid. but i can say it. fuck him.

i hope you get a good attorney and end up with a result that protects you and your son, and allows for whatever relationship is appropriate. and keeps the money APART.

also, fuck him.


ETA:  listen, this isn't my area and i have no idea what a judge will do.  but a person with SENSE and the ability to engage in rational thought will see what's going on here for real (i.e., $$$$$$).  whether that translates into you being able to maintain the status quo would be hard to say because they do have to look at brae and what's good for him and sometimes they might think being with a cheapass bastard (fuck him) even for cheapass reasons is good for brae because it's allowing for a relationship with his dad/siblings.  or they might see that your ex (fuck him) is using your son as a financial pawn and is flaky at best and decide that's NOT best for your kid.  but i wouldn't be losing sleep over this yet.  your ex is flaky.  you have excellent history on your side.  your lawyer will help you.

[kcandbrae]

thank you all for your responses. i'm feeling slightly better about the situation now.

i am hoping that he is just blowing smoke up my ass. we had such a good thing going. his gf & i have actually become very close.

we were at soccer practice last night and their oldest (the 2 year old) was reaching for me & crying. he calls me "mom" too (because he hears B say it all the time.) it broke my heart. i know our relationship is changing and i have to allow for that, but i hope we can handle it as maturely as possible

[JayhawkGirl]

While you have the attorney engaged, does your state allow for garnishment so support and backpay are deducted from his pay? I'm not sure how that works.

I am sorry you're dealing with all of this.