Spin-off wedding poll (of sorts)

[anna7602]

People keep mentioning random friends of their parents in attendance (or not) at their weddings. This was a huge thing with my parents and has come up with a lot of my friends IRL.

Many of us actually have children now and I can't imagine I'd be really put out if my friends' kids didn't invite me to their weddings. ESPECIALLY if they lived in other cities and I had to travel. Wouldn't it just make more sense to plan to see your friends cross-country (or in another country) at a designated time every year or every few years than to sit around waiting for their kids to get married so you can see them?

I don't even love going to all of my friends' kids' birthday parties now, and that's when I can usually bring DD along and make a day-long activity of it. At what point in life is one anxiously sitting around waiting to be invited to their friends' kids' weddings?

I swear I am not a cynic, this is just one of those things that truly baffles me.

[crimsonandclover]

Remember that at least in the US, the wedding is traditionally a party hosted by the bride's parents, so for me it makes more sense that they would then invite their friends. My parents invited all of their friends to my wedding in the States. I thought it was a little strange since some of them I didn't even know, but they gave money, so I'm not complaining. :-) I can't say that I'd want to do it, either, but I think there would be two reasons for doing it:

1) You know that it's tough for young couples just starting out, so it's a way to help out each other's kids financially, at least a bit
2) It's a reason to get together and see each other again, and there is often free alcohol involved. A big plus :-)

But in Germany they don't do it. The only friends of the parents who are invited to the weddings are those who are the couple's godparents, and of course those who are close to the couple in their own right.

[travelingturtle]

I haven't been invited to any wedding of my friends' kids. I don't have any really good friends who have kids, though. I wonder, though, for the friends I have whose kids I've "watched" (even from afar) grow up, if I'd be invited to their weddings.

[clogged]

Here, anyone can come to the vows and the "reception". The reception is pretty much cake and punch, with a receiving line where you congratulate the couple, and hand them a gift and/or card which they open right there. In the receiving line. (yes I am clutching my pearls as I write that). The meal and "after party" are invite only.

We heard from friends how random parishoners showed up to watch them get married because it was in the church bulletin and they just came. I have seen what appear to be tourists (jeans, walking shoes, bottles of water) join weddings in public places. So a random friend of a parent would seem kinda normal here.

[GilliC]

My aunt & uncle owned their own company, so it was a huge nod to their most valued customers & business alliances that they were invited to the daughter's wedding. Very old school.

At our wedding, I let my mother have a table to invite her friends, because she put enormous amounts of work into my wedding. She did an amazing job on the flowers, she built free-standing wooden poles to put up the reception decor the way I wanted, etc. I knew it meant a lot to her to be able to show everything off to her friends, and they threw me a nice shower while I was in town, so it was a small price to pay since we could fit them in. Since we were tight on space, she did suggest it to them as a girls-night-out, so that we didn't have to make space for their husbands and kids.

As for my friends' kids? I would never expect their weddings to be a chance to catch up with my friends. The only reason I would plan to attend their weddings would be if I was actually part of their lives. I expect an invite to my godson's wedding. Period. No arguments. He's the only kid I have. Anyone else? If I haven't seen them since they entered elementary school, or if I've only seen them a half dozen times since, then no, I expect no invitation.

Frankly, given how far away I live and how much I move, I can't imagine being that involved in any of their childhoods (aside from my godson). I'm closest right now with my ex-pat friends' kids, and who knows how long it will be until they or I move away.

[tricolore]

It's not really my style to invite many non-couple friends. That said... I also wouldn't (didn't) let my parents/in-laws pay for our wedding. We were both over 30 and working when we got married and both sets of parents were in their 60s/70s and retired, so to me it seemed silly/unnecessary to burden them with financing our wedding.

We did invite a couple (literally I think 2 couples) with who H's parents are very close and who have know H his entire life. We did b/c we knew that his parents would enjoy sharing the day. To me, a couple of very close friends is one thing, everyone my/his parents ever knew? Not so much.

For me, it kind of leaves a bad taste when parents insist on inviting EVERYONE whose kid's wedding they attended as (and I am quoting) "payback". That, in my opinion, is misguided.

[crimsonandclover]

Jun 25, 2012 10:54:31 GMT -5 GilliC said:

As for my friends' kids? I would never expect their weddings to be a chance to catch up with my friends. The only reason I would plan to attend their weddings would be if I was actually part of their lives.

Just to clarify - when I said that, I didn't mean for me to catch up with the friends whose kids are getting married. But the rest of the group, since I assume others would be invited. My parents friends from their old single's group had a table at my wedding, my dad's work friends had a table, etc. So they caught up with each other, obviously not so much with my parents since they were quite busy.

[Deleted]

We invited colleagues of H's parents to our wedding and to the cocktail. I think it was a respect thing for the colleagues to come because they hear so much about us. I would be honored to be invited to my friend's kid's wedding and hope the same will happen for my close friends. I am very close with my best friends and hope to be close with their future children as well.

[frlcb]

My parents paid for our wedding, I had no issue with them inviting their friends. But I know all their friends, so maybe that is why.

[bugabean]

I don't care that my parents' friends were there, even the ones I hadn't met before, but I do care that that's almost entirely who was there. I had TWO non-relative friends there.

But yeah, I agree that I wouldn't really care much about getting invited to my friends' kids' weddings unless I'd been a part of that kid's life in a significant way.

[popcorn]

My mom actually invited a few friends that I had never even met to my wedding--to" celebrate with her" in her words. I was fine with it because she was paying for them (and in the end the guests paid for the wedding). One of the couples was amazingly helpful the entire week of the wedding and I really loved having them there (this couple I HAD met before though). I think it was good for my mom to have some people there as most of our family couldn't make it and she doesn't speak Spanish.

I don't care much either way and I can understand wanting to have friends there (kind of). If I had had to pay for them then it would've been a different story I'm sure.

I can't see wanting to go to my friend's kid's weddings though unless I was very connected to them their whole lives.

[GilliC]

Jun 25, 2012 12:32:06 GMT -5 crimsonandclover said:

Just to clarify - when I said that, I didn't mean for me to catch up with the friends whose kids are getting married. But the rest of the group, since I assume others would be invited.

FWIW, I knew what you meant.