Can I just ask some beach/destination wedding questions?

[Bernadine]

We're inviting 32 people, getting married in Cape May.  About a 3 hour drive from us.  Wedding on Saturday, on the beach.

Do we need chairs on the beach?  Can someone walk me through the logistics of a beach wedding?  Will people be able to hear us?  Should we have music?  An altar?  Will some overweight elderly asshole in a speedo ruin our ceremony?

We're half considering having my sister marry us.  Any comments on that?

Do we have to have a rehearsal dinner Friday night?  I'm thinking we could do dinner just for our parents and siblings?  Siblings will be the only ones in the wedding party.

We're doing a dinner reception, which will include dinner, drinks, dessert, no dancing.  Our plan is to hit the bars after the dinner.  Is it shitty to expect people to pay for their own drinks at the bars?

Do I try to get a block of rooms for just a few people?  We have a nicer option, and a less expensive option that we'll recommend.

Anything else for a beach/destination wedding?  TIA!

[feistypants]

Depends on your guests. Older people probably can't stand that long, so depending on how long your ceremony is, you might need them.

Needing music, etc is up to you. But it might be hard to hear, depending on the tides and how open the space is.

Is having someone who isn't officially the leader of a congregation a problem in your state? It is in PA, although people get around it with self-uniting licenses.

Etiquette says that you should invite all out of town guests to the rehearsal. That said, I wouldn't. I'd just have immediate families.

If everyone hits the bars afterward, I would hope they'd see it as an after party and expect to pay for drinks. And yes to the hotel block. It'll at least give people an idea of where they can stay if they aren't familiar with the area.

[rugbywife]

Not going to lie, not having seating is a pet peeve, I think it looks cheap and disrespectful to guests. If you are inviting them it is because you want them to enjoy the event. Standing, especially in the sand (or grass for that matter), not enjoyable. Also, have a rain plan, please please please, have a rain plan.

You don't need music but you do need to take into consideration that wind blows sound so if it is blowing in the wrong directions your guests probably won't hear much. Of course, mikes probably aren't an option so that is the reality of a beach wedding. Also, if the beach is public, expect onlookers.

If you invite your wedding guests to specific location after the wedding reception I would think that it would be polite (but not necessary) to buy them drinks. If it is still part of the celebration of your wedding they are still your guests.

[Deleted]

I would definitely have seats. Even if the ceremony is quick, people will arrive early and will have to mill around until the ceremony actually starts.

I wouldn't expect anyone to ruin the ceremony, but at the shore during the summer I'd expect an audience. Not sure if that will bother you? This is a photo from a wedding we went to in Long Branch a few years ago -- a bajillion people looked on:



I have typically not been able to hear well at beach ceremonies, but perhaps you could look into microphones -- is that allowed in Cape May?

If everyone is going to be traveling to the wedding, I think it would be nice to include them in the rehearsal dinner.

[auntie]

Oct 22, 2013 6:48:12 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

We're inviting 32 people, getting married in Cape May.  About a 3 hour drive from us.  Wedding on Saturday, on the beach.


Is that the distance for most of your guests? Not sure I would classify this as a destination wedding if I can drive there the morning of. Will it be high season?

Do we need chairs on the beach? 

IMHO, Yes. Chairs provide a physical structure to the setting and well as a comfort for your guests.

Can someone walk me through the logistics of a beach wedding?  Will people be able to hear us? 

Between the wind and the surf, sound can be an issue. I've never been able to hear vows well at outdoor venues.

Should we have music? 

I like music, so I vote yes. But it will largely be lost outdoors from what I have seen.

An altar? 

I think a focal point makes sense, it only to outline the location of the event.

Will some overweight elderly asshole in a speedo ruin our ceremony?

Could be. It's a public place. There will be curious bystanders. Hopefully you won't be heckled the way my friend's sister was by a chorus of teens singing "here comes the bride, all fat and wide". She was in Beach Haven.

We're half considering having my sister marry us.  Any comments on that?

Does she meet the legal requirements so to do? I know a few people who were married by the CM Mayor.

Do we have to have a rehearsal dinner Friday night?  I'm thinking we could do dinner just for our parents and siblings?  Siblings will be the only ones in the wedding party.


Do you need a rehearsal for a 35 person wedding? If so, a dinner would be customary. OOT guests should be invited if they are on site the night before given your small numbers. One would assume these are people close to you and who are willing to pay for 2 nights lodging to be part of your day.

We're doing a dinner reception, which will include dinner, drinks, dessert, no dancing.  Our plan is to hit the bars after the dinner.  Is it shitty to expect people to pay for their own drinks at the bars?

I suppose it's OK if you are upfront about the payment arrangements. I suspect those who tag along are used to paying for their own drinks.

Do I try to get a block of rooms for just a few people?  We have a nicer option, and a less expensive option that we'll recommend.


Logistically, it makes sense to get everyone under one roof. Is this possible? 

Anything else for a beach/destination wedding?  TIA!

[BaliHai]

Do we need chairs on the beach?
It depends on how long your ceremony will be and the age range of your guests. We got married in a Pavilion (in Cape May) and rented chairs because we had a few older people attending. That's also why we didn't have the ceremony on the beach itself, though. Most CM weddings I've seen have had chairs, but I suspect it's really for aesthetic value more than anything, since ceremonies are usually no more than 30 minutes, if that.

Can someone walk me through the logistics of a beach wedding? Will people be able to hear us? Should we have music? An altar? Will some overweight elderly asshole in a speedo ruin our ceremony?
-It's just like a non-beach wedding; your guests will pick sides and you'll process down towards them and your officiant. Hand off your bouquet and you're good to go. I'd recommend putting someone in charge of the music - give them the list of songs you want played and when so all you have to focus on is enjoying the moment.
-We consulted Weddings by the Sea for quite a few things, and they recommended a speaker system if we were going to get married on the beach.
-It really depends on how close you'll be to the ocean and how loud you, your H, and your officiant can/will be.
-We used an iHome + iPhone combo for music and that worked perfectly; your guests will be able to hear the music carry even over the ocean noise.
-No altar - most people rent arbors.
-Possibly? But probably not since it's not going to be a summery day. Worst case scenario your photographer can Photoshop that asshole out, which is what ours did with the fat shirtless guy in a Speedo who wouldn't move out of our photos.

Do we have to have a rehearsal dinner Friday night? I'm thinking we could do dinner just for our parents and siblings? Siblings will be the only ones in the wedding party.
Yes, unless you need Friday night to finish anything last minute. Parents and siblings only are fine especially since they're your wedding party.

We're doing a dinner reception, which will include dinner, drinks, dessert, no dancing. Our plan is to hit the bars after the dinner. Is it shitty to expect people to pay for their own drinks at the bars?
No. It's an after-party, not the reception itself. If you feel weird about it, buy them one round at some point.

Do I try to get a block of rooms for just a few people? We have a nicer option, and a less expensive option that we'll recommend.
We didn't, because there are a ton of options down there - we recommended a few places and then just let everyone choose for themselves.

Anything else for a beach/destination wedding? TIA!
You will probably need a permit for the beach, so make sure you contact City Hall to find out what you need to do for that and as far as having your sister officiate. Also, I assume you've applied for your marriage license already, but if you haven't, call TODAY. They need 72 hours minimum.

[queenbee]

Oct 22, 2013 6:48:12 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

We're inviting 32 people, getting married in Cape May.  About a 3 hour drive from us.  Wedding on Saturday, on the beach.

Do we need chairs on the beach?  Can someone walk me through the logistics of a beach wedding?  Will people be able to hear us?  Should we have music?  An altar?  Will some overweight elderly asshole in a speedo ruin our ceremony?

I got married on the beach and had 2 rows of chairs for elderly and people who wanted/needed to sit.  Probably 75% of my guests stood but the ceremony was literally 7 minutes long.  

I rented speakers and a microphone and had an arbor (no alter).

Someone driving a jeep on the beach did creep by slowly during our vows, some people were pissed on our behalf but I didn't think it ruined anything.  It was funny!

We're half considering having my sister marry us.  Any comments on that?

We had H's aunt marry us.  I think having someone close to you marry you is a no-brainer!

Do we have to have a rehearsal dinner Friday night?  I'm thinking we could do dinner just for our parents and siblings?  Siblings will be the only ones in the wedding party.

Sounds good!

We're doing a dinner reception, which will include dinner, drinks, dessert, no dancing.  Our plan is to hit the bars after the dinner.  Is it shitty to expect people to pay for their own drinks at the bars?

I don't think it's shitty.

Do I try to get a block of rooms for just a few people?  We have a nicer option, and a less expensive option that we'll recommend.

I don't think a block of rooms is necessary.  

Anything else for a beach/destination wedding?  TIA!

[muppetinma]

Have a bad weather backup plan and check the tides. Yes chairs, yes alter. You'll still have onlookers, but having a more formal setting will keep them a little further away and (hopefully) more respectful.

To avoid the issue of buying drinks at the after-party, I would make a huge production about buying the first round. It's a nice gesture, but makes it clear that after that, they're on their own.

Yes for hotel blocks. It doesn't cost you anything, and if it's high season, it might be hard for guests to find accommodations otherwise.

[Muddled]

If you have a short ceremony, you can get away with only having chairs for the olds. An altar is unnecessary. An arch is nice, but also not necessary. Whatever you want.

You may want a mic for the officiant. Beaches are loud. You will want music, even if it's just your brother's friend with his guitar.

There is a good chance someone will at least watch from afar, but I think people are generally respectful and give space (even if they do film it-- weirdos.) Doing this when the beach is closed will help.

I think having someone you know do it is nice. It makes it more personal.

You do not have to have a rehearsal dinner, but I think it's nice to plan some sort of activity for people since they traveled to be there (although a 3 hour drive is hardly traveling, IMO). It just depends on where your guests are coming from.

You provide all drinks and everything at the reception. People can take care of themselves at an after-party. IME, no one expects to be on the wedding bill at the after-party.

Definitely provide some help on hotels.


What about a gazebo? Is there one on (or near) the beach that you could rent? I bet there are B&Bs in Cape May that do weddings and you could turn over the planning if you wanted.

[zitiqueen]

Every butt needs a chair.

/gavel

[chickadee77]

I haven't read responses, but will share that we rented chairs. My biggest piece of advice is to check your tide charts. We did, but a couple got married later in the day farther down the beach, and they had zero beach - they all had to stand in the dunes.

[Bernadine]

Ok, chairs for sure. Thank you!

[electricmayhem]

Oct 22, 2013 6:48:12 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Do we need chairs on the beach?
We had chairs.  I think there were ~26 people including us and the bridal party.  Our ceremony was about 25 minutes.

Will people be able to hear us?
I think this will depend on the weather and how close you are to the water?  Our officiant had a mic system, so we used that.  Although now that I think about it, I'm not sure it was totally necessary.  We got married on the gulf (fairly quiet in terms of waves) and it was a calm, clear afternoon.

Should we have music?
We had processional music, through the same system the officiant used.

An altar?
No altar, just two flower arrangements.

Will some overweight elderly asshole in a speedo ruin our ceremony?
We had someone who was more or less a people jockey and nicely asked passersby to walk around us while the ceremony was taking place, particularly as we were doing pictures.  One thing I didn't count on was all of the people who would be standing by in bathing suits sort-of gawking as the processional was taking place (public beach).  It was okay though--they all stood back and didn't run in our way or anything.  

[electricmayhem]

Oct 22, 2013 7:05:42 GMT -5 v said:

LOL--this is what I was talking about.  except at my wedding, all of the onlookers were in bathing suits, standing in the sand about 15 feet from the start of our aisle, and not nearly as many of them.  To their credit, they all seemed to disperse after we were all situated for the start of the ceremony, and no one came near any of the seated guests.

[sineadorebellion]

I was at a beach wedding with my sister this weekend and it was simple and beautiful.   They used benches for seating since it was a small wedding.  And most people, including the officiant, didn't wear shoes

[ECB]

I'm going to be honest here... you're having a small wedding, but it almost seems like even inviting the 32 people is almost an inconvenience to you.  With your questions, it seems like you just want to walk a bunch of people out on  the beach, have your ceremony, then walk back - no chairs, no altar/arbor (basically, stuff that costs $ and someone needs to handle).

The reception sounds fine - but it will be relatively short probably.  And you don't want to host a dinner the night before for anyone who will already be in town.  And the "after party" will be going out bar hopping - what is the age range of your guests and will they really want to do this?

Here's the honest part- if I drove 3 hours (and when will this be?  Will your guests be dealing w/ traffic, crowds, and more expensive hotel costs?), paid to stay for the weekend, and basically all that I "got" was a quick ceremony on the beach where I couldn't sit, then a dinner (which I'm sure will be nice, but still JUST dinner), and then I had to pay for myself the rest of the night... I'd probably walk away from the experience not overly pleased.  I would feel very much like an after thought.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have actually been because of the entire experience - not JUST the wedding and reception.  While those are the main focus, the more included I've felt as a guest, the better time I've had overall.

[Bernadine]

ECB I appreciate your honest feedback. I don't want anything cheesy or cheap. I wasn't sure how formal to go for such few people. If I need to ante it up, I will. Thanks!

[ECB]

Oct 22, 2013 9:24:20 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

ECB I appreciate your honest feedback. I don't want anything cheesy or cheap. I wasn't sure how formal to go for such few people. If I need to ante it up, I will. Thanks!

To me, it's not so much about formality as it is inclusiveness.  Dinner the night before- I'd rather be invited to a pizza party and get to see  you and everyone else than to be left to my own devices while a select few go out for a nice dinner.  KWIM? 

You can do this casually and w/o it costing a lot (maybe!).  I just think people would appreciate having more time to spend w/ you and your family. 

[nahoku]

Have some chairs. See if you can use a mic/sound system of some sort.

As far as the night before, if most of your guests will be there already, I'd try to include everyone. It doesn't have to be a "rehearsal dinner," or anything fancy. Are you staying at a hotel or renting a house? Just thinking that if you're staying at a house or condo or something, you could even just do a casual BBQ.

As a guest, I wouldn't expect to have drinks paid for at an after party or at the bars.

Block off rooms at the two hotel choices you have in mind.

[chickadee77]

We didn't have an altar or arbor, and no mic system - everyone heard everything fine - but our officiant and speaker both had large voices, lol. Our musician (also best man) didn't end up playing due to feeling a bit under the weather, but I think an acoustic guitar would have been difficult to hear over the waves. We rented a house and had everyone stay there, so no hotel block, though one couple decided to stay in one, anyway. With the house, we had bought a ton of liquor, wine, beer, and food, so we didn't have the afterparty concerns, either.

The random onlooker thing was pretty cool, I thought. We had quite a few people stop, with kids, dogs, taking a break from their morning jog, etc. I loved it!

[Deleted]

My favorite weddings are the ones where the focus of the event is on fun and love, and for me the primary thing that gets in the way of that is when I'm distracted by discomfort. Tired from standing, hungry, walking 19 miles from the parking lot, too hot/cold, etc. Does that make sense? Like, I like a drink but don't roll my eyes at a beer and wine only reception, I appreciate flowers but if you had 6 pretty votive candles from ikea on the table as a centerpiece I wouldnt necessarily notice, much less care.

I think if you just think through the whole thing from a guest ease perspective you'll plan something great since you're clearly in love (the best part) and the beach is a lovely setting.

[Bernadine]

I want J and I to be the only overweight people in our pics!

I'm kidding, I shouldn't have said it.

[melissa]

I went to a beach wedding in Ocean City, MD and it turned out nice. We were not invited to the rehearsal dinner. For the actual ceremony they had set up a few chairs on each side of the aisle but everyone pretty much stood except for the immediate family so there were open chairs. They used what looked like a karaoke set-up with a mic and had the brides brother in law officiate the wedding. Afterwards the reception was held in a restaurant that had a buffet dinner and a very small dance floor. It did turn out really nice.

[ginap]

Do we need chairs on the beach?  We had enough chairs for immediate family and the few older folks in attendance.

Can someone walk me through the logistics of a beach wedding?  What exactly are you looking for here?  We found a spot we liked and it was on a state beach so we had to reserve the space with the state.  We had a coordinator and she had a small staff that set up the chairs and the canopy along with my H and my dad.  We also rented buses to take guests from the reception space to the ceremony and then back to the reception space.  

Will people be able to hear us? We had a dj with music and amplification but it was a particularly windy day and the waves were big and loud so no, most people didn't hear a thing.  

Should we have music?  Again, we had a dj for our ceremony music and then we had a small group of musicians, guitar, violin and cello playing before the ceremony (we also had a table set up with some fruit and champagne for people to enjoy before the ceremony).   An altar? We made our own little canopy deal with sheer curtains and bamboo poles.
 
Will some overweight elderly asshole in a speedo ruin our ceremony?  There was a group of college kids doing a beach day just down the way from our wedding and they were really respectful and cheered for us when it was all over.  I thought it was very sweet.

We're half considering having my sister marry us. Any comments on that?  A good family friend got ordained and married us and we wrote our own ceremony.  I loved having someone that really knew us perform the ceremony.

Do we have to have a rehearsal dinner Friday night? I'm thinking we could do dinner just for our parents and siblings? Siblings will be the only ones in the wedding party.  We did a rehearsal dinner for immediate family and some friends at a nice restaurant.  My H's parents paid.  

We're doing a dinner reception, which will include dinner, drinks, dessert, no dancing. Our plan is to hit the bars after the dinner. Is it shitty to expect people to pay for their own drinks at the bars?  I think people would understand that the drinks at the bars would be their responsibility.  Maybe say something like the first round is on the newly married couple and then let people figure out for the rest of the evening.  

Do I try to get a block of rooms for just a few people? We have a nicer option, and a less expensive option that we'll recommend.  I did get a block of rooms and no one used them.

Anything else for a beach/destination wedding? TIA!  Tell your guests in advance that the ceremony will be on the beach and to dress accordingly - no heels, coats/sweaters, be prepared for windy conditions, etc.  

And now let me whore some photos

 Here you can see our canopy and some of our aisle decorations (shepherds hooks with little buckets filled with flowers and our last initial.  We also did tall glass vases filled with water and floating orchids.  We also supplied people with paper parasols).