Sweet and awesome or effing stupid?

[glitzyglow]

I find it far from romantic.

[lexxasaurus]

It makes me sad. The grieving that comes along with that has to be intense, but like you said mp, the way it is now is a parent/child relationship. I don't think you can be fulfilled in a marriage where you're a mom, not a wife.

And she "knew he wouldn't leave her if the roles were reversed". No, gah. I would want my partner to move on and have the life they wanted if I were traumatized by brain injury. I wouldn't want them to waste their life taking care of me... That's what caretakers are for.

[lexxasaurus]

Oct 23, 2013 14:03:30 GMT -5 @stpete said:

I dont want to spend 8 min watching it, synopsis anyone?

Fwiw, I wouldn't want to marry someone completely unable to communicate or take care of themselves. But I was willing to help/provide care for my xbf who had cp. He could do things for himself but getting dressed took 1/4 the amount of time if I helped. And I knew over time things like that would become increasingly more needed. I would hire someone for personal care before I did I myself however. Nbd.

A situation like that, I could handle. This man suffered trauma to the brain and can only put together small broken sentences it seems. He couldn't talk or feed himself, so she was essentially a full time caregiver. Walking away from the relationship would be tough but I can't imagine having a partner that couldn't give me *anything* I needed.

[kimmyo73]

That is so horribly sad and it is reprehensible that either set of parents were pushing for this.  It's not good for either of them.

[MixedBerryJam]

Oct 23, 2013 14:05:49 GMT -5 mp said:

Basically they were dating - and he was injured in a car accident. He is now barely able to communicate, and is unable to take care of himself.

I didn't watch the video, but I have so many questions in my head. Were they engaged when he had the car accident? Because I can respect the idea that "in sickness and in health" starts when you make the commitment to your partner, which is not necessarily on their wedding day. But did she stay because "it was God's will" or something, as opposed to because "he's my partner for life and I'm here to protect him and advocate for him and that's all part of how I show him I love him." Call me a heathen if you must, I don't think handing our day-to-day operations over to "God's will" is sweet or awesome.  I'm completely not judging, esp since I just don't have it in me to watch the video. (That said, I will admit that I have a general kind of default contempt for the whole "It's God's will" position. Ref: all those R's last year saying pregnancy from rape is God's will, etc.)

[jojoandleo]

Wait, she married him after the brain injury? Was he legally competent to SIGN a marriage license?

[doriswe]

Oct 23, 2013 16:19:46 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

Oct 23, 2013 14:05:49 GMT -5 mp said:

Basically they were dating - and he was injured in a car accident. He is now barely able to communicate, and is unable to take care of himself.

I didn't watch the video, but I have so many questions in my head. Were they engaged when he had the car accident? Because I can respect the idea that "in sickness and in health" starts when you make the commitment to your partner, which is not necessarily on their wedding day. But did she stay because "it was God's will" or something, as opposed to because "he's my partner for life and I'm here to protect him and advocate for him and that's all part of how I show him I love him." Call me a heathen if you must, I don't think handing our day-to-day operations over to "God's will" is sweet or awesome.  I'm completely not judging, esp since I just don't have it in me to watch the video. (That said, I will admit that I have a general kind of default contempt for the whole "It's God's will" position. Ref: all those R's last year saying pregnancy from rape is God's will, etc.)

Just watched it....they were dating 10 months when he got into an accident.  She said she knew he was looking at rings, but they were not engaged. 

I feel like a huge jerk, but I don't think I could sign on for that life. 

[doriswe]

Oct 23, 2013 18:24:08 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Oct 23, 2013 18:03:37 GMT -5 chalupa said:

That's what I'm wondering! I mean, the video shows her helping him stand up even. I'm not sure how he could physically sign, let alone be mentally competent. 

I read a separate article because ADD does not allow for sitting through that long ass video. The article said that a judge had to sign off on their marriage license because of the guy's reduced mental function. So, no.

I'm guessing he has an activated power of attorney or guardian, so they would have probably agreed to this on his behalf. 

[jojoandleo]

Oct 23, 2013 18:24:08 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Oct 23, 2013 18:03:37 GMT -5 chalupa said:

That's what I'm wondering! I mean, the video shows her helping him stand up even. I'm not sure how he could physically sign, let alone be mentally competent. 

I read a separate article because ADD does not allow for sitting through that long ass video. The article said that a judge had to sign off on their marriage license because of the guy's reduced mental function. So, no.

I'm not a fan of this.  It makes me feel squicky.

[MixedBerryJam]

Oct 23, 2013 18:42:37 GMT -5 chalupa said:

Oct 23, 2013 18:41:03 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I'm not a fan of this.  It makes me feel squicky.

Me too. It seems so wrong to allow (or disallow) someone else to get married 

Or MAKE a person get married? Again, I didnt watch the video, but what if he didnt actually want to get married? What if he knew what a burden he would eventually become, and didnt want his gf to feel obligated? 

[Deleted]

If something like that God forbid happened to H, I would stick it out to the best of my ability. To marry someone that I was just dating at the time of the accident...NO. They can't have a normal marriage. Like others said she is more his mother now. Plus she is so young, this will wear on her eventually.