How much does a kid's opinion matter?

[Deleted]

DS2 has been in speech therapy since he was 16 mos. He's on his 4th therapist. He loved his 1st therapist and she was with us for about 18 mos. Then he had another one he wasn't thrilled with for 2 mos. Then he moved from EI to the schools. For 2 years he had a great therapist that he really liked but then the district providing his speech changed. Last year his therapist is someone I know. He seems to like her and I've secretly observed him while he's in his session and he seems to be having fun. She is very good and I've seen a lot of progress this year, but she 'gets' him too. She started working with him on social speaking/eye contact even though it wasn't in his IEP.

I just asked her if she would work with him over the summer and she said yes. I really want her to work with him on the social side of speech.

I told DS and he's adamant he doesn't want to do speech anymore (he won't have a choice during the school year).

Do I find a different therapist? Do I give him the summer off? Do I make him go? I'm leaning towards making him go. He'll probably only have 5 sessions before school starts at most.

[Deleted]

I would be worried that if you stop over the summer, he may backslide with some of the progress, so I would have him continue to go.

[copzgirl1171]

Page OSULori and she will have some great insight.

I hesitate to even offer an opinion because I would be apt to side with my child and give him the summer off, but that may cause more harm than good.

Good Luck!

[One Girl In All The World]

How old is he? Honestly I would probably keep him in. If he backtracks in his progress, I can only imagine the issues will be harder to correct with time.

[eclaires]

I'd listen to him and have a discussion with him about it, but ultimately decide he needs to go. I do this with Jackson a lot, and maybe he's just easily swayed, but it would go something like this, "Well, we can talk about taking the summer off, but you have no choice about doing it in school. If we don't do it over the summer, you might need to do more work in the fall at school, so wouldn't it be nice to do a very little bit of work now so that you won't have to do as much in the fall?" Generally he agrees if I frame it to him in a way that makes sense to him where I can show him the cons of making the choice I don't want him to make.

Also, I am not above bribery if I feel strongly about something. Since it's summer, and I understand the desire to be "off," I'd try to do something fun after speech each time just with him - like frozen yogurt or something before we head home, if possible.

[Deleted]

he'll turn 6 in August. He's going into 1st grade

[cookiemdough]

5 sessions doesn't seem like a lot. I would keep him in. Also kids change their minds a lot. Or at least my DS does. One day he is no I don't want to do soccer, the next day it is mommy why didn't you sign me up for soccer. I feel like I have to ask 5 different ways before committing myself to writing a check. Also, maybe he didn't understand that going during the summer would still be for a limited time.

[BNL2]

I'm not a parent so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I would make him go. It could be that he doesn't want to do it because she is challenging him, which is a good thing. He'll only make improvements if he has to do the things that are hard for him. Plus, I see speech therapy as a type of treatment and you probably wouldn't let him opt out of other medical treatment. If I could afford avoiding the summer lapse in therapy, I would.

[BNL2]

Jun 26, 2012 7:51:44 GMT -5 eclaires said:

Also, I am not above bribery if I feel strongly about something. Since it's summer, and I understand the desire to be "off," I'd try to do something fun after speech each time just with him - like frozen yogurt or something before we head home, if possible.

In my world, this is called reinforcement. We strongly recommend it .

[foundmylazybum]

I'd be open about how many sessions there will be. 5 doesn't sound too bad. Also, planning something fun after each session, something for just you and him... Lunch.. Where he gets to pick etc. I agree w/ eclaires that hearing his voice and acknowledging is important, but try working w him

[2vermont]

From what you were saying I wanted to say that your son was in or approaching middle school where it's more of I'm embarrassed to do this which I happen to understand. However, he is 6. I'm thinking at this point you make the call....and do whatever you have to do to make it work (ie. positive reinforcement is fine). It's only 5 weeks...not the whole summer.

[Deleted]

I would make him do it. I would also not pose it as an option--I am a big believer in not posing things as an option when there really is no option. It would make sense to discuss his concerns and explain why you made the decision though.

[hopecounts]

At 6 you make this call.
I like the idea of talking to him and putting it in a way that makes him decide to do it (inclding positive reinforcement through a bribe at the end of summer) but at that age you are the Mom and you make the call.

[UMaineTeach]

I would send him
and next year at the IEP I would request Extended School Year services for speech and get the district to pay for the summer.

[pixy0stix]

I'd have him go. It's probably one of those things where he thinks he has to do the whole school routine, instead of just a couple of sessions.

[GailGoldie]

I'd still send him this summer- but cut back on it- maybe every 2 week? Kids need a break from things like that - sometimes having just one week of helps.

My son has been in speech since 20mo. He's 3 now and doing great. We will occasionally skip a week if we have something else planned- and I feel like those are the weeks he often improves a lot --- not b/c he isn't at speech- but just some strange thing that happens... maybe skipping takes off pressure or something- but I know Gray has done well even when we miss a few weeks in a row.

[osulori]

Is this the first summer he's had the opportunity to do speech during the summer? If so, his resistance may be due to a speech=school so no school should = no speech type of reasoning. I like the PPs suggestions of choosing something fun to do after speech, just the two of you-lunch, trip to the park, etc. Has he been able to give you a reason as to why he doesn't want to go?

[Deleted]

Jun 26, 2012 10:03:35 GMT -5 osulori said:

Is this the first summer he's had the opportunity to do speech during the summer? If so, his resistance may be due to a speech=school so no school should = no speech type of reasoning. I like the PPs suggestions of choosing something fun to do after speech, just the two of you-lunch, trip to the park, etc. Has he been able to give you a reason as to why he doesn't want to go?

This is the first summer he isn't getting speech through the school. they don't have the funding this year.

[Deleted]

He's six and it's therapy. I'd have no qualms about making him go.

[Deleted]

I guess my question isn't so much would you make him go, but would you make him see this therapist?

[Deleted]

Unless you can get a good answer out of him as to why he doesn't want to see her, then yes, I would continue to make him go.

[gbck]

If you didn't see that therapist, do you have another plan? It can take a while to find someone else, establish a rapport, etc. I'd not change. It sounds like he doesn't care who does it, he doesn't want to do it--but this is something he needs

Continuity of service is important on this sort of thing. You know she's good.

[imoan]

At 6, speech therapy is like the dentist. You need to go... mom makes the appointment... you go... the end. A six year old doesn't get a say in the matter when it comes to something essential like that.

[2vermont]

Jun 26, 2012 13:59:59 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

'make him go' is the wrong thought. Continuing to hone his speech skills through therapy is what you want to be doing, and no, I would not take the summer off, and no, I would not ask the kid what he wanted. Of course he's going to say no; just like a little kid would say no to insulin injections if you asked, but this is not an option.

I don't see much of a difference between what you're saying and someone saying "make him go".

[2vermont]

Jun 26, 2012 12:47:43 GMT -5 @septimus said:

I guess my question isn't so much would you make him go, but would you make him see this therapist?

I'm confused. I thought you said he seemed to like her.

[UMaineTeach]

Jun 26, 2012 17:27:18 GMT -5 2vermont said:

Jun 26, 2012 12:47:43 GMT -5 @septimus said:

I guess my question isn't so much would you make him go, but would you make him see this therapist?

I'm confused. I thought you said he seemed to like her.

Yeah, if he hates her, feels uncomfortable with her, or said she abused him in anyway then his opinion matters a lot more than if he likes her fine, but would prefer not to go b/c it's work.

[marynjoe]

I'd keep him in speech with the therapist that he knows and gets along well with. But, to make it less like work, change it up a bit. Maybe do regular speech work the first half of the session, then go outside and do speech work through play. Or stay inside and act out scenarios that are fun but still address his goals. Or play a game that addresses the eye contact/social speaking but in a less obvious manner.

[statlerwaldorf]

Does he not want to do therapy or not want this particular therapist? I would have him continue treatment.

[mrslefty]

Unless there is more to the story he should be in speech for the summer. Kids don't always want to go to school either. It doesn't mean their teacher is terrible and they need a new one. They don't always want to go to the doctor, it doesn't mean they shouldn't go, or that they need a different doctor.
The benefits of continuing to make gains in speech are far more lasting than the benefits of 5 days off over the summer.

[2vermont]

Jun 26, 2012 21:36:15 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 26, 2012 14:16:00 GMT -5 2vermont said:

I don't see much of a difference between what you're saying and someone saying "make him go".

The point I was inelegantly trying to make is that the OP is characterizing this the wrong way in her own mind. If she thinks of sending him to beneficial, necessary therapy sessions is 'making him go', it's an indication that she thinks of it as undesirable, which the kid is bound to pick up on. It's not 'making him go', it's 'getting him treatment that will ultimately benefit him greatly'.

Ah !!! Gotcha..and agree with that.