I'm super annoyed with my students' parents

[sugarbear]

Oct 28, 2013 16:17:45 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Oct 28, 2013 14:03:15 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

I also had a doctor appointment at 3:45. I really had no choice.
What would you have done?

I would have said something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, but I need to leave.  Please contact me tomorrow and we will set up a time to meet next week." instead of acting like I owed them nothing and "scooted" out the door.

ETA:  I've gone back and read this again.  I think I'm just gleaning something from your tone here, and may be I am wrong.  It sounds like you are pissed you have to meet with these particular parents at all. It is like, "Well, they didn't show up at X time in this absolutely crappily set up system the school has set up to address this so GAH, I'm going to have to like, meet them at a different time.  Don't you know these parents are problem parents with NO JOBS and snotty kids?  Ew.  AND, they complained to the principal!  About this crappy system and my inability to make it magically fit their needs! So lame."  

I may be reading far more in to your tone than I should, but you sound resentful that they dared to expect to meet with you at all even though they showed up within the allotted time but could not meet with you.

Yeah, I'd say you're reaching a bit.
I mean, I've admitted that I don't particularly like them. They are high maintenance and their kid is rude to me. I'll meet with them-- it's my job, and it's in the best interest of their kid-- and I said as much before I closed my classroom door.

The bottom line is, the system sucks, AND they did not plan well. Neither of those trumps the fact that I had to pump and go to my own appointment.

[pantsparty]

Oct 28, 2013 14:50:53 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I am so sick of people here getting all worked up because the OP wasn't their version of perfect and assuming OP was completely incapable of making the best decision for the circumstances for which she had all the pertinent info. Everyone's an expert in everything. I'm with frkls, I might need to take a break. It's asshole city around here recently.

Thank you for noticing!

Things do seem a bit...intense around here lately. My theory is it started with the retail workers having to work on Thanksgiving posts. Ah, I just love the holidays!

[sparkythelawyer]

Oct 28, 2013 16:40:22 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Oct 28, 2013 16:17:45 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

I would have said something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, but I need to leave.  Please contact me tomorrow and we will set up a time to meet next week." instead of acting like I owed them nothing and "scooted" out the door.

ETA:  I've gone back and read this again.  I think I'm just gleaning something from your tone here, and may be I am wrong.  It sounds like you are pissed you have to meet with these particular parents at all. It is like, "Well, they didn't show up at X time in this absolutely crappily set up system the school has set up to address this so GAH, I'm going to have to like, meet them at a different time.  Don't you know these parents are problem parents with NO JOBS and snotty kids?  Ew.  AND, they complained to the principal!  About this crappy system and my inability to make it magically fit their needs! So lame."  

I may be reading far more in to your tone than I should, but you sound resentful that they dared to expect to meet with you at all even though they showed up within the allotted time but could not meet with you.

Yeah, I'd say you're reaching a bit.
I mean, I've admitted that I don't particularly like them. They are high maintenance and their kid is rude to me. I'll meet with them-- it's my job, and it's in the best interest of their kid-- and I said as much before I closed my classroom door.

The bottom line is, the system sucks, AND they did not plan well. Neither of those trumps the fact that I had to pump and go to my own appointment.

Agreed. Sorry you had a rough day, and good luck with these folks when you do get them scheduled :-)

[pugz]

team sugarbear

[berbles]

These are the same kind of people who show up 15 minutes late for a doctor's appointment and scream at the receptionist because they missed their appointment.

A) you're an asshole
B) you're yelling at the wrong person
C) you're an asshole

Team sugarbear, all the way.

[bab]

Ever since my child has been in school (she's in 3rd now) the teacher has passed a conference sign up sheet at back to school night for conferences in December.
This gives all parents the chance to arrange their schedule to make the conference. They have one day of conferences during daytime hours and one with evening hours. Honestly there is no good reason why a person can't set up at 15-20 minute time slot for their child with 3 months advance notice. Maybe you could suggest this to your (bone head) principal. I'm sorry you had to put up with this scenario. I would be very upset too.

[EmilieMadison]

Great, now people think I'm a jerk for my first response. I  didn't expect you to accommodate them, only to let them know you'd meet with them some other time but your OP made it seem like the only thing you said to them was "I have to scoot,"  and closed the door. Obviously, the parents were assholes for showing up at the last possible moment and then standing there pounding on your door, no matter what you'd said. 

[RoxMonster]

It's frustrating to see people saying she should have just scheduled an appointment or scheduled around this family. First, it sounds like she had a sign-up sheet.

Beyond that, it's not in the teachers' hands to change the policy for P/T conferences. You all would really hate how my school does it. All the teachers are in a huge gym, two teachers per table. Parents show up (not schedule), get student's report card, then go around and meet with whichever teachers they want. Lines form behind the parent sitting and speaking with the teacher. It is loud and not very private, and many times, we end up staying after the cut-off time if we have parents lined up at our table. One teacher ended up staying a whole hour late last week.

Yeah, I agree we should schedule appointments and preferably in our rooms. Each year, the teachers are asked to fill out surveys on P/T conferences, and each year, I (and others) suggest this and point out the problems with this system. But they've done it this way for so long, it'll probably never change. If I have no parents at my table at the cut-off time, I pack up shop and head home. Could this mean a parent of mine was somewhere in the gym without me knowing and I didn't get to talk to them? Yes. But there is a cut-off time. I know this is not the same exact situation as OP, but the problem is stemming from the policy, not from OP herself, and it isn't up to OP to change P/T conferences single-handedly. If I decided to let parents of my students set up time slots with me, word would get out and parents would want to know why other teachers aren't doing this, and then I would get in trouble with my principal. I can't single-handedly change a school-wide policy. This thread is getting ridiculous at times.

[malibu]

Team OP.

If my kid ever got snotty and rude to her teacher in front of me, there'd be hell to
pay.

[sugarbear]

Oct 28, 2013 18:05:56 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

OMG I need to step away before I go into a rage coma LOL.

I'll just say this: THANK YOU, sugarbear for attempting to train these people before they end up pulling the same shit at my school.

Well, you're welcome.
They did email today. I asked what they wanted to talk about, so that I could better plan our time. There were a few things, plus high school. They wanted to know which private schools I would recommend because, you know, he's in 7th grade. Should I just have them call you?

[sugarbear]

Oct 28, 2013 17:51:36 GMT -5 RoxMonster said:

Beyond that, it's not in the teachers' hands to change the policy for P/T conferences. You all would really hate how my school does it. All the teachers are in a huge gym, two teachers per table. Parents show up (not schedule), get student's report card, then go around and meet with whichever teachers they want. Lines form behind the parent sitting and speaking with the teacher. It is loud and not very private, and many times, we end up staying after the cut-off time if we have parents lined up at our table. One teacher ended up staying a whole hour late last week.

This has been on the table, too. They did it this way before my time, and the teachers who are still around haaated it. Yet we keep bringing it up as an option.

[sugarbear]

Oct 28, 2013 22:01:00 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Oct 28, 2013 21:55:57 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Well, you're welcome.
They did email today. I asked what they wanted to talk about, so that I could better plan our time. There were a few things, plus high school. They wanted to know which private schools I would recommend because, you know, he's in 7th grade. Should I just have them call you?

How much money do they have? Jk jk.

A lot.
eta: a lot, a lot, actually. I just remembered last year's auction purchases.
I'll send them your way!

[onomatopoeia]

So I don't have anything to really contribute to the original thread (dead horse and all that), but I do have kind of a random question: do students go to parent teacher conferences at your school then? In our district (at least in elementary and middle, not sure about high school) it's just the parents, kids are not allowed. Is it weird to discuss the student with him/her right there?

[sugarbear]

Oct 28, 2013 22:17:36 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

So I don't have anything to really contribute to the original thread (dead horse and all that), but I do have kind of a random question: do students go to parent teacher conferences at your school then? In our district (at least in elementary and middle, not sure about high school) it's just the parents, kids are not allowed. Is it weird to discuss the student with him/her right there?

In grades 5-8, conferences are student-led. They prepare in their advisories, and come with examples of work, goals, and questions. I actually prefer it because it seems much more authentic. I do have meetings sometimes without the kids, but I feel like there's a lot more accountability when the kids are present.

[onomatopoeia]

Oct 28, 2013 22:39:38 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Oct 28, 2013 22:17:36 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

So I don't have anything to really contribute to the original thread (dead horse and all that), but I do have kind of a random question: do students go to parent teacher conferences at your school then? In our district (at least in elementary and middle, not sure about high school) it's just the parents, kids are not allowed. Is it weird to discuss the student with him/her right there?

In grades 5-8, conferences are student-led. They prepare in their advisories, and come with examples of work, goals, and questions. I actually prefer it because it seems much more authentic. I do have meetings sometimes without the kids, but I feel like there's a lot more accountability when the kids are present.

That's a great way of doing things.  I can see sometimes the value of a meeting without the student (thinking of my own 7 year old who has some struggles in school) but I like that approach with the older students.

[juliagoulia]

Next time squirt the jerk kid in his eye with your breast milk.

[10nille]

I'd discuss the rude comment and want an apology from the student.

[laurenpetro]

I can't say I'm shocked that they went to the principal. From their POV you told them "oh, I don't have time for a conference" and then went back in your classroom, closed the door and diddled yourself for half an hour before leaving. I know that's not what you're doing but these people obviously don't give a shit about your personal situation. Anything short of you saying "I have to squirt milk out of my tittehs" directly to their faces was you blowing them off, to them.

So no, I'm not surprised. If it had been me I would have pumped elsewhere just so they wouldn't have another thing to bitch about. But whatever. As long as the important people (ie: your boss) know what's up then that's all that's necessary.

[kaybee85]

Oct 28, 2013 22:17:36 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

So I don't have anything to really contribute to the original thread (dead horse and all that), but I do have kind of a random question: do students go to parent teacher conferences at your school then? In our district (at least in elementary and middle, not sure about high school) it's just the parents, kids are not allowed. Is it weird to discuss the student with him/her right there?

So, I'm totally late, but I LOVE IT when kids come to the parent teacher conferences. Totally eliminates the 'he said/she said' breakdown, and the lying (from students who try to throw you under the bus) is squashed quickly. 

[MixedBerryJam]

Oct 29, 2013 0:51:23 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

I can't say I'm shocked that they went to the principal. From their POV you told them "oh, I don't have time for a conference" and then went back in your classroom, closed the door and diddled yourself for half an hour before leaving. I know that's not what you're doing but these people obviously don't give a shit about your personal situation. Anything short of you saying "I have to squirt milk out of my tittehs" directly to their faces was you blowing them off, to them.

So no, I'm not surprised. If it had been me I would have pumped elsewhere just so they wouldn't have another thing to bitch about. But whatever. As long as the important people (ie: your boss) know what's up then that's all that's necessary.

I think the parents who all showed up at the last minute were poor planners so that's on them. But unless your boobs were exploding in front of them, dripping down your leg, I think you could at least have set up times with them for the following week, eg., "Sorry I can't stay late so I don't have time to meet with you now, but how about X day at X time? Would that work for you?" And it would have been all the better if you'd done this proactively at 2:45 when it was obvious to you that you wouldn't be able to accommodate all the families. They were rude to demand that you stay past the scheduled time if they did that, but it is not unheard of for teachers to stay after, so they may have just been hoping your schedule would be able to accommodate a conference going past the posted end time. I wouldn't necessarily hold that against them. And honestly, I'd probably be more on your side if you weren't all "They don't even worrrrrrrrk!" as if your conference hours were cutting into their Jerry Springer time. As a sahm I found that a little offensive. There are about a thousand reasons why they might legit not have been able to make it before 2:45 on the last of two days of conferences.

[bbdoll]

Why does the school not stop the time at 2:30? That way anybody that shows up should still be able to be seen by 3:00. Or even 2:00, if you want to create a larger buffer.

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2013 8:00:05 GMT -5 bbdoll said:

Why does the school not stop the time at 2:30? That way anybody that shows up should still be able to be seen by 3:00. Or even 2:00, if you want to create a larger buffer.

The whole point is that op should not have to stay late because of anothers' ineptitude at showing up on time.

[laurenpetro]

Oct 29, 2013 6:43:25 GMT -5 kaybee85 said:

Oct 28, 2013 22:17:36 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

So I don't have anything to really contribute to the original thread (dead horse and all that), but I do have kind of a random question: do students go to parent teacher conferences at your school then? In our district (at least in elementary and middle, not sure about high school) it's just the parents, kids are not allowed. Is it weird to discuss the student with him/her right there?

So, I'm totally late, but I LOVE IT when kids come to the parent teacher conferences. Totally eliminates the 'he said/she said' breakdown, and the lying (from students who try to throw you under the bus) is squashed quickly. 

i thought the whole point of a parent/teacher conference was to talk about the kid behind their back.