Sending child to church based school and not a member?

[keyslover]

We are looking at all school options for DD1.  We aren't religious, we do not go to church and my husband is a recovering Catholic.  

Right now she is going to a Church based preschool (not Catholic) and they do have Bible Stories and pray before lunch.  This doesn't bother either of us.  

We are looking at a Catholic school for K.  Again, we do not go to any church and have no interest in attending church.   The school does accept non parishioners.

My question/concern- if you send your child to a religious institution that you are not a part of, do you feel snubbed/left out/unwelcome?

I am involved in her preschool and will continue to be involved in her school.  Do you think this would be an issue if we aren't involved in the church?

[AHappierHour]

My girls go to a church based preschool but other then them going to chapel and praying before snack the church really isn't involved with the preschool.

My son went to a private Christian school preK-8th grade and it was the same there. Only a handful of parents attended that church. It was more of a business deal. The school leased the school portion of the property from the church.

[tulip]

No, it shouldn't. My DD goes to a Catholic school for preschool. We are Catholic but I have zero idea if or what the other kids/parents are or aren't. Our school accepts non Catholics so it's not brought up. The base of the school is the Catholic faith and it is something that is practiced. I wouldn't notice or care if you joined in the prayers before meetings or not. In this setting they love parents who are involved and your beliefs aren't discussed.

The flip side of this of course is will you be okay with it? Friday is All Saints Day and the kids pick a Saint, dress as that Saint and the school does a parade. Things like this happen all year, will you be okay doing something like this? If not, then that might be more important than what others think.

[eb777888]

There are a TON of Christian-based preschools around here. I thought it was just us because we live in the south but apparently, as I've learned from the boards, it's everywhere.

We are not religious so I didn't send David to one of those schools. I just wasn't sure how to handle the questions about Jesus and God and all that but according to this board, they don't even do much of that these school. I thought he was going to come home singing "Jesus loves me" and all that, lol.

[thedutchgirl]

I would be a bit concerned about her being left out. I have a friend who went to Catholic school through 8th grade, and she said that when the class did things like confirmation classes or communion during mass she felt very left out.

[Booze Raccoon]

My DD goes to a preschool at a church we don't attend and are not of the religion.  They treat us no differently than anyone else.

The pastor even told me "We have a Christmas Eve service with stories for the children.  I am sure you have your own church but you are always welcome here."

[keyslover]

Oct 30, 2013 9:07:17 GMT -5 tulip said:

No, it shouldn't. My DD goes to a Catholic school for preschool. We are Catholic but I have zero idea if or what the other kids/parents are or aren't. Our school accepts non Catholics so it's not brought up. The base of the school is the Catholic faith and it is something that is practiced. I wouldn't notice or care if you joined in the prayers before meetings or not. In this setting they love parents who are involved and your beliefs aren't discussed.

The flip side of this of course is will you be okay with it? Friday is All Saints Day and the kids pick a Saint, dress as that Saint and the school does a parade. Things like this happen all year, will you be okay doing something like this? If not, then that might be more important than what others think.

That is a good question. I would be ok with it.  Maybe I am naive, but I see it as an opportunity to talk about other religious traditions as well.  

I am more concerned over social issues and how they would be addressed.  

[starbuck]

DS went to a Christian preschool that was non-denominational. The curriculum was awesome and we would have kept him there for elementary if we hadn't moved. I never felt left out or snubbed.

[texassmith]

Oct 30, 2013 9:17:03 GMT -5 pagas said:

I am an atheist and Finley is attending an Orange You Glad You Love Jesus party at school today. It is a fantastic school otherwise and for preschool around here there are limited non parochial options.

Bwahahaha!

[keyslover]

Oct 30, 2013 9:20:57 GMT -5 thedutchgirl said:

I would be a bit concerned about her being left out. I have a friend who went to Catholic school through 8th grade, and she said that when the class did things like confirmation classes or communion during mass she felt very left out.

Interesting, I was making it all about me!  I didn't think about her being left out.  Damn you for throwing another factor into my planning!

This is a very solid point.  UGH.  

[lulu13]

I guess it depends. I probably would not send them if I were atheist or a religion outside of Christianity because I would be perpetually annoyed by all of the focus on Christianity. The bible plays a huge part in their everyday school life.

[ginger]

M attends a daycare/preschool outside our denomination and it's NBD.

We are still invited to church-funded Kid parties they do for the school, etc.

[livinitup]

I'm Catholic and went to Catholic and non-Catholic schools. Like anything else, it totally depends on your specific school and community but in general, Catholics don't really care or know when you attend services. Some Catholics only go on Christmas and Easter, some never, and some volunteer all the time. Cliques can pop-up in schools for all kinds of reasons, but mass isn't a big hotbed of activity, so you should be fine if your family is non-attending/non-members. Also, it very common to be a member of one Catholic church and send your kid to another because they have a school. My sister does this. It's completely normal and okay. Completely. So no one in their kid's school knows anything about my sister's involvement/attendance or lack there of in her parish. And she volunteers weekly, in the school, with complete support.

The only thing I would get you to think about is 1st Holy Communion for your kids. It's a pretty big deal for Catholic 2nd graders and it's usually part of the education, at the school. Are you planning on letting the kids get their sacraments, like communion? Would you allow them to attend mass during the school day? It didn't happen a lot, but I remember attending mass at school from time to time. I remember kids of different faiths would opt-out of those services. If the kids aren't involved in those things, that would be an opportunity to feel different/left out. But if you were okay with that, the school experience would be seamless.  

I hope you are welcomed and find the community supportive. Pope Francis is already changing things for the better.

[runmama]

I'm half Jewish and H is Catholic. Both of our children go to a Christian preschool inside a Methodist church. We chose it because it is within walking distance of our house and we love the teachers/curriculum.

I do not feel snubbed at all! I'm sure the 4 year old probably tells them we celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas. We always get invited to all of the fall festivals, pumpkin carving, church events (and we usually try to go). We celebrate ALL of the holidays at our house We eat latkes and kugel with our Christmas cookies. Lol.

[sugarbear]

Oct 30, 2013 8:59:16 GMT -5 keyslover said:

My question/concern- if you send your child to a religious institution that you are not a part of, do you feel snubbed/left out/unwelcome?

I am involved in her preschool and will continue to be involved in her school.  Do you think this would be an issue if we aren't involved in the church?

I am not Catholic-- agnostic, fwiw-- and I teach at a Catholic school. I'm in a very liberal city and the school community itself is very, very liberal, so it works for me. Almost 40% of our students AND staff are not Catholic. None of my non-Catholic students feel left out, socially.

We do plan to send our children here. I don't think it'll be an issue, as long as we prepare to have some difficult discussions at home about why we aren't religious.

[AmeliaBedelia]

When I was in Catholic school growing up, many of my classmates were non-Catholics, and some were Jewish. This area didn't have good public schools, and no truly secular private schools, so a lot of people ended up in Catholic school simply because it was the best in the area.

A lot of the time kids wouldn't even notice their classmates weren't catholic unless they mentioned it. No shunning or anything like that happened. Parents really didn't care either, from what I remember. Everyone just understood that there were reasons to send a child to that school beyond religion.

[sharknado]

Oct 30, 2013 8:59:16 GMT -5 keyslover said:

My question/concern- if you send your child to a religious institution that you are not a part of, do you feel snubbed/left out/unwelcome?

I am involved in her preschool and will continue to be involved in her school.  Do you think this would be an issue if we aren't involved in the church?

I went to a Lutheran school and I know we snubbed the kids that weren't church members

[AmeliaBedelia]

Oct 30, 2013 9:30:46 GMT -5 lulu13 said:

The bible plays a huge part in their everyday school life.

That really depends on the school. In my experience with Catholic schools, there's no discussion of religion outside of the religion class. The other subjects are taught in a secular way.

I know in some schools science class would be heavily impacted by the bible. Not all religious based schools let the bible dictate all the lessons, though.

[game blouses]

Oct 30, 2013 9:20:57 GMT -5 thedutchgirl said:

I would be a bit concerned about her being left out. I have a friend who went to Catholic school through 8th grade, and she said that when the class did things like confirmation classes or communion during mass she felt very left out.

This was my DH too, non-Catholic at a Catholic school. He liked it but did feel left out from time to time. When the kids were getting ready for their first confession, he asked if he could do it too. The teacher told him that he could but his sins wouldn't be absolved

[lulu13]

Oct 30, 2013 10:51:44 GMT -5 AmeliaBedelia said:

Oct 30, 2013 9:30:46 GMT -5 lulu13 said:

The bible plays a huge part in their everyday school life.

That really depends on the school. In my experience with Catholic schools, there's no discussion of religion outside of the religion class. The other subjects are taught in a secular way.

I know in some schools science class would be heavily impacted by the bible. Not all religious based schools let the bible dictate all the lessons, though.

I agree. That is why I said I guess It depends. But at my kids Catholic school it plays a big part in their every day life. 

[catwithspots]

DD is in a Catholic school; she was baptized Catholic, but we found a Christian Church we enjoy/fit us much better than the Catholic Church. We choose to attend our Christian Church, and we allow her to participate in school Mass, etc.

I have not made a decision about First Communion--I have a some time to think about it!

Something to consider: Our school has an "in parish" and "non parish" tution rates. We are paying the non-parish tuition rate which is $50 more a month.

To answer your other question about being snubbed, I have not found to be snubbed for not attending the Church associated with the school. The snubbing comes from being a working mom