how do you say no to your parents?

[hubes]

My mom is asking about that stupid shopping trip. I don't want to go, not even a little bit.

I told her I was swamped, and she said "well, we will go to (big city about 30-40 minutes away)." I told her no, I just needed time off. She said "well, that's why we are coming to you."

I just need to get her off my back. I don't want to go. I don't care about bonding. I don't care about a stupid pageant.

[Deleted]

It sounds like you're being pretty blunt about it. Just stick to your guns and continue to tell her that you are not interested and not joining them.

[bonquiqui]

I agree, just explain you want some down time alone, and just aren't up for a "bonding experience" right now. Maybe add the you appreciate the gesture, but it is just not a good time.

I always thought it would be fun to have a close family, but then there are times like this, where I guess I am lucky. I have no problem saying no, but my family doesn't ask. lol

[Deleted]

I don't have an issue saying no to my parents, but I do feel bad saying no to my grandma. She wanted me to take her to a 1pm Dr appointment today which was an hour away. I had 3 appointments of my own this morning from 745-11am in the same town. I did try to figure out how I could get back and get her there, but just couldn't do it. I told her she could come with me if she wanted in the morning, but Dad helped out and took her.

[lazyphoque]

Doesn't your mom kind of treat you like shit? Stop being so considerate. Just tell her no, you're not going to make it for the shopping trip.

[statlerwaldorf]

I have no problem telling my mom if I don't feel like doing something.

[hubes]

Sue sue, I'm bot pretending that shopping has anything to do with me. She wants me to shop for my younger sister.

Bon, the last trip we went on was a disaster. I'm not doing it again. I'll go with my SILs any time. But not my mom.

[MWOS]

I remember every time she told me "No, you can't have ice cream before dinner", "No, I'm not buying you an electric Barbie Jeep" (bitch!) "No, we can't return your sister" etc

[Deleted]

Jun 26, 2012 22:41:17 GMT -5 MWOS said:

I remember every time she told me "No, you can't have ice cream before dinner", "No, I'm not buying you an electric Barbie Jeep" (bitch!) "No, we can't return your sister" etc

LOL!

I just say "no" and might add "but you have fun!"

I don't have a problem with using the word no.

[Deleted]

"No, mom, I'm really not interested in watching you gush all over the prospect of dressing my little sister up like a prostitot for some dumb ass pageant especially when you know good and damned fucking well that you would never have paid that much attention to me when I was her age even if we did have the scratch for stuff like pageants."

[birdistheword]

This is why I feel incredibly lucky for having the parents I have. If I don't want to do something, all I have to say is 'No, I don't really feel like doing that. I'd rather sit on my ass at home, drink wine, and watch TV" BUT, when my SIL asks me to do something, I have to make up a legitimate excuse/lie if I don't want to do something because she will NOT take no for an answer. I feel for you.

[EmilieMadison]

"I have other plans. Go with out me."
"I dont want to go shopping. Go without me."
"I would rather stab a hot poker in my eye than go shopping with you. Go without me."

[hubes]

I should also add that I read a book tonight on dealing with toxic people as part of my quest to balls up and change shit. Take this a inquiry post, rather than a whiny life sucks post. Make sense?

[rhiannon]

Just say "no", silly. She is obviously apathetic to your choice so there is no need to feel guilt over it.

[Cayl]

The more you say no the easier it gets! The first couple of times will be hard and you'll feel guilty, but you have no reason to and that will pass. Just say "Mom, I've been really swamped lately and just need some down time. You and sis have fun". If she argues, don't back down. After a few times she won't argue.

[papie]

Not the best answer, but at that point I usually say "OMG, I said NO, I'm so busy and overwhelmed and you never come to help me, and how am I ever going to find time to survive, let alone go shopping with you, you don't love meeeeee." and I hang up, crying.

She usually calls me back with an offer to come babysit while I go shopping alone. ;-)

[thebamker]

I have to get all mean - and it sucks.

"Yo. Mom. I'm going to say it only one more time. I'm.not.going. The end."

[Nicole]

No, muthafuckas!


















well not really. but be FIRM!

[hubes]

Jun 27, 2012 8:53:09 GMT -5 Nicole said:

No, muthafuckas!


















well not really. but be FIRM!

This is perfect.

The last time I told them no, my dad called me the next day and guilt-tripped me into doing what they wanted.

[mypunkinpie]

I've mentioned this book before but I sweartogod it changed my life.
"When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith. OK, so it was published a long-azz time ago and the examples are a little socially dated BUT still relevant! Seriously, it's like $8 on Amazon or free from your local library. This book is how I learned to say no to my Mom. And I study it for a couple days beforehand every time we go see her.

[scotty]

I just say 'No, thank you.'

[greylady]

Jun 27, 2012 8:55:02 GMT -5 hubes said:

Jun 27, 2012 8:53:09 GMT -5 Nicole said:

No, muthafuckas!


















well not really. but be FIRM!

This is perfect.

The last time I told them no, my dad called me the next day and guilt-tripped me into doing what they wanted.

Don't let that conversation happen. Either screen your calls or, better, steer the conversation away from the guilty subject. If he won't take the hint flat out tell him it's not up for debate ( and don't debate it!!). This conversation is over.

[VeryViolet]

I don't say no I just avoid them like the plague if I don't want to do something. I wouldn't recommend this method not only is it immature it is usually ineffective and I end up getting guilted into doing things anyway.

[EmilieMadison]

Feeling guilty and/or succumbing to guilt trips means that you feel like saying no is the wrong thing to do. But, clearly, it's not. So why do you feel like you've done something wrong? Once you can believe that you have the RIGHT to say no, and that it's not wrong to do so, you wont feel guilty anymore. That's how saying no will become easier for you.