Well, considering I went to a street dance at my Catholic grade school on Saturday and I managed to attract a stalker, I would say...yes.
Here y'all can have my facebook profile pic {was I the only one who used to go to the hot or not website in college w/ friends and have a blast laughing at the pics? just me? is my husband the only one who uploaded pics of himself shirtless, with no nipples to see if people rated it hot? and many other ridiculous pics? just me? okay then.}.
I hope my complete average-ness doesn't blind you.
I just posted on LGBT households about un-cute my general co-workers are. That was prompted by 1) a conversation I had with a coworker and 2) my thoughts on the way in to work which were "I wish I knew what it was like to be pretty. Just for a day."
WE LOVED that site. MH's group of guy friends would spend hours uploading pics and having stupid bets on the pics and whose would get rated hottest. It was a lot of fun.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
So this seems as good of a place as any to tell my stalker story. First of all, if kcb sees this, I was on the sunnyside of the river, and there are lots of questionable folks there. Second of all, my parents' church and where I went to school has this big festival every year and the Saturday night is adults only w/ alcohol, gambling and a band. It's pretty fun. MH was OOT for work so I took the kids to my parents' for the weekend and met up with some of my friends at the street dance.
I get there, buy beer tickets (woot), and some dude behind me in line (who was totally creepy) says, "I LIKE YOUR DRESS! IT'S MESMERIZING." While staring at my boobs, naturally. I'm creeped out, but I figure it's a big place, whatever. I say "uh, thanks," get my beer tickets and go find my brother's best friend who is huge (and into crossfit). Later, I'm with a good female friend, and he comes up to me again and keeps repeating how much he likes my dress and won't leave. Uncomfortable. And he was clearly drunk. This happened like 2 more times.
At the end of the night, I was standing with my friend's husband and he comes up to me AGAIN. This time I saw my mom's best friend's husband, so I ran to walk away with him, and I guess creepy dude stayed and talked to my friend's husband. He just kept asking about me and then asked if I was his woman. Another friend's brother kept saying he was going to give creepy dude my number and I told him that instead he should tell creepy dude that I had 2 kids, a million stretch marks, the saggiest boobs he'd ever seen and I was allergic to working.
Of course, as I text my husband to tell him all this, he just laughs at me and texts me this:
It made no difference. I also forgot the best part of the story. The 2nd or 3rd time he came up to me, he says "I don't want to hook up or anything, I PROMISE."
I'm like, then quit fucking talking to me! (Not that I wanted him to want to hook up with me, but seriously, if your intent is not to try and pick me up, why are you following me around, leering at me and complimenting my dress like some creepy ass troll?)
We use donkey punching a lot here... like, "I'm going to donkey punch you!" when we're annoying each other.
So much so that when Jackson's part in the Christmas play was "D is for Donkey, sturdy and able," we were concerned he may have heard us say donkey punch and would use that instead.
I only get toothless men at the beach and weirdos on the bus hitting on me.
Ha! Except this one time in college, my friend was having a party and her neighbor, who was also missing some teeth, came over and started hitting on me and a friend. My friend grabbed a guy we knew and was like, "This is my boyfriend... Steakhouse." (He really did go by Steakhouse, to give you a picture of what he looked like.) I was left alone with creepy toothless yokel guy, made some lame excuse to leave, and totally tripped over a chair while running drunk into the house.
I have a friend who STILL brings up this story every time I see him because he thinks it's hilarious.
FWIW, *I* have had a lot of dental work done and therefore have good looking teeth.