Preschool parents - I need advice (long)

[luckyval]

Hart just doesn't seem to like school.

He's not excited about it, he won't answer questions or talk about what he's done that day.

When I arrive early to pick him up and peak in the window, he's usually off to the side, not really participating.

We've had lots of whiny days there. Today was a bad one and the teacher called me after we left to fill me in on some more things he said during school.

I relayed this to his dcp, who told me he said this morning, "I don't like school, I don't want to go."

</3

I'm not really sure where to go with this.

He doesn't really need the fundamental skills, he's picking that up well at home and at daycare. But we'd like for him to grasp the classroom structure and interact more with kids his age.

I will add that preschool days are hectic for him. He goes to daycare at 7:30, and by 8:15-8:30 he's back in the DCP's car on his way to school. Then I pick him up and feed him lunch in the car to take him back to daycare.

It's a lot for a little kid.

Should I try to do a week where he stays home with me in the mornings, I take him to school and then go to work? Maybe that would help him ease into school better. 

Any thoughts or advice appreciated.

[speckledfrog]

Is his daycare in home? How old is he?

[Deleted]

I would try bringing him one morning to see if it makes him less anxious or look forward to it more.

DS wasn't a fan of preschool either, he will be starting again after the holidays. I will say that last year he was doing a lot better by the end of the year and seemed to like it more.

I'm sorry, it sucks because you want to do what's best, but you don't want them to be unhappy.

[luckyval]

He's 3 yo, so we still have 2 more years before K.

I'm going to give that schedule change a try in the next week or two, I'm just not sure I can swing that full time with work.

But something's got to give. I don't want him being miserable there. It's supposed to be fun!

[luckyval]

Nov 12, 2013 13:17:54 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Is his daycare in home? How old is he?

His daycare is in home, he turned 3 in September.

[speckledfrog]

I would just give him another year. He sounds like he's very comfortable where he is. Try again the year before he goes to K.

ETA:  I'm a big proponent of preschool but in this instance it doesn't seem necessary to push him.  He still has time.    

[luckyval]

Nov 12, 2013 13:22:57 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I would just give him another year. He sounds like he's very comfortable where he is. Try again the year before he goes to K.

ETA:  I'm a big proponent of preschool but in this instance it doesn't seem necessary to push him.  He still has time.    

I'm starting to lean towards the not ready category.

Change is so so hard for him (as with any little kid). We went back to his previous dcp this past May and it still took a good month for him to get comfortable again.

I'm still going to try a schedule change, but I'm also thinking we may back out after the holidays if things don't improve for him.

[hocus2]

I think the days are just to complicated and he might be a bit behind the curve in terms of playing with friends vs. parallel play. if the program is very structured it might be too much for him. I would do the drop off if you can, but overall it might just be a really hard year for him and 3 often is. Since you're already doing daycare I'd very seriously consider just holding off on prek until next year.

[Gato]

DD1 was a little introverted her first year of pre-school. There were a couple other kids who really clung to their parents at drop off through the whole school year. Then the next year - it was the same teacher; she taught 3s one year and 4s the next - these kids blossomed and seemed so much more at ease. It is a co-op pre-school so I got to observe first-hand as they came out of their shells.

I don't know if it was because they had a year in pre-K behind them or if it was developmental. So I guess I'm no help in answering whether Hart should keep doing pre-K or not. I just wanted to share because with all three kids I'm thinking of they DID end up enjoying school after being unhappy initially.

[rex]

It sounds like he isn't ready. He'll be okay if you wait another year for preK.

[sonrisa]

1) If you could drive him directly to school (like you mentioned) that might help.

2) Can you set up a few play dates with other preschool kids? Making new friends who he sees there might help him enjoy his day.

[formerlyak]

Are there any preschools in your area that offer before and after car so he'd just need to be at one place on school days and you could eliminate the back and forth? Maybe that would help?

[luckyval]

sonrisa - playdates would be really helpful. I have the school directory and will start looking for kids can play with on the weekends.

formerlyak - there isn't a before school drop off, unfortunately. There is a lunch bunch after school where the kids can stay and eat a meal from home. We haven't tried that yet, but it's very doable as my lunch break is flexible.

Thank you guys for the feedback on this. He's a bright kid, I hate to see him struggle.

[redheadk]

I agree that he's probably not ready. He's a very young 3 and the schedule sounds hectic. No shame in that! Personally, I'd pull him for the remainder of the year. Try again next year. He'll probably be just fine at that point and maybe you can work out an alternate schedule for preschool days where you drop him off to preschool and the DP picks him up or something so that there's a bit less going on.

[papie]

I would wait another year. Sophia is that age and I find that busy days are really hard on her.

[shell403b]

Nov 12, 2013 15:13:19 GMT -5 @kar said:

That sounds way too complicated. I would just keep him at the in home for the year or move him to a daycare with a preschool program. I would try to get him into a preschool program next year, even if it is still preschool + daycare, but think you will still need to figure out how to make it only one transition per day (say preschool am/daycare pm without all of the extras).

Ditto what kar said, esp. the underlined.

[Deleted]

It sounds like daycare and preschool together is just too much. I would probably pull him from preschool and try again next year.

[melodramatic26]

Val, with a september birthday, will he go to K at 5 or 6?

I all honesty, if it's doable, I would try and switch him to a daycare center or at the very least, hold off another year.
I'm sure prek is a huge change from the inhome daycare he's used to. It really just sounds like he need some more adjusting time. Poor guy

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

My first thought was to switch to a daycare center that has a preschool component, too.

If he just turned 3 and won't be starting K until just after he turns 6 ( I'm assuming your state has a Sept 1 cut off, if not disregard what I'm saying), I'd keep him where he's at this year, then move him to a center with a preschool element next year.

My youngest has an early August birthday. We started him in preschool when he was newly 3, assuming that he'd go to K just after he turned 5. We ended up doing a young 5s year this year. Honestly, if I had known then what I know now, I would have just waited another year to start 3 year old preschool. He didn't have meltdowns when we would drop him off, but most of that first year and part of the second, he was displaying anxiety behaviors ( spinning, chewing etc) during the school year. They always went away during vacations.

[luckyval]

His current in-home DCP offers a preschool program to her kids. And, really, he hit a good age group because there is one infant and then three kids all ages 3-4, so they're within comparable range of each other.

We enrolled him before he went back to this daycare and I had my reservations about going through with it because the DCP offers a lot in structured lesson plans in addition to free play. And we've been very happy with what she's doing with the kids.

Thanks again guys for your thoughts on this. H and I definitely have some things to discuss tonight.

[shopgirl07]

I think just turning 3 can be a little young. My son went to preschool closer to 3.5 for two afternoons and he did fine, but any more than that would have been too much. At 4, he did 3 afternoons a week and it worked great. I might give him till next year.