Overreacting? LONG.

[phoeny]

Nope don't think your overreacting. I would of been pissed too.

[vajeana]

I'm so sorry Grace. Not only does it suck that she lied to you, and obviously ignored what you told her despite you saying, "Hey, he'll throw up"...she totally betrayed your trust. On something rather large and important.

What kind of GRANDMA does this to their grandchild?

Maybe she's too proud to admit she's wrong, but that's fucked up. Confront her, and like cjoy said...attempt to remain calm. Although I'm not sure how I'd be able to do that.

[eddy]

Jun 28, 2012 11:06:22 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

eddy- exactly! It's one fucking night! Who cares! I put up with his bullshit every night (lol) and you can't rock him for one night!?

Not to add fuel to the fire, but most grandparents would kill for that opportunity. My MIL is still sour that I don't rock my kids. It is like her dream come true to have that opportunity to sit there with a sleepy baby/toddler in her arms.

Sorry Grace! I am glad you have great MIL and step MIL to help you out.

[nadasteph]

Jun 28, 2012 11:09:10 GMT -5 eddy said:

Jun 28, 2012 11:06:22 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

eddy- exactly! It's one fucking night! Who cares! I put up with his bullshit every night (lol) and you can't rock him for one night!?

Not to add fuel to the fire, but most grandparents would kill for that opportunity. My MIL is still sour that I don't rock my kids. It is like her dream come true to have that opportunity to sit there with a sleepy baby/toddler in her arms.

Sorry Grace! I am glad you have great MIL and step MIL to help you out.

This. For sure. Even after I suggested my MIL that she rock Ben until sleepy and put him down awake, I came home and she was STILL rocking him and he was fast asleep on her. She must have been rocking him for atleast hour. She ignored all of our suggestions, but nothing like this.

I would be livid as well if I were you. Sounds like your mom was trying to prove that she knows better than you, and when it didn't work she covered it up. The only thing she proved is that you can't trust her. I would never leave someone I didn't trust alone with my child. Bottom line.

[calico]

I'm so sorry- that is horrible, especially that she lied, covered it up and then bitched about it to your sister.

I'm wondering what happened to the dirty romper. Did you find it in the laundry? Did she wash it and put it back in the drawer?

[mommyneedswine]

Jun 28, 2012 11:06:22 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

eddy- exactly! It's one fucking night! Who cares! I put up with his bullshit every night (lol) and you can't rock him for one night!?

I don't know any Grandma's who wouldn't be thrilled to hold their grandchild and rock them to sleep for a night. My mom and my MIL would have jumped at the chance to do this.

[sprky79]

Since you know she's just going to lie, I wouldn't waste my breath confronting her. I would just never.ever. call her again for childcare help. When she asks "Can I watch little Guildenstern this weekend? I miss him." The answer is "Sorry, maybe some other time." Then change the subject. Forever.

[greylady]

That's such crap. I'm sorry. I wouldn't address it if she won't own it anyway, but obviously you won't be letting her sit with him. You don't owe her an explanation, frankly.

[iamgrace]

Thank you ALL for validating my anger. I was afraid that I was blowing it out of proportion because he is my baby, you know? I Don't know what I'm going to do- if I'll talk to her about it or not, but I do know that there will be no more babysitting!

[broc]

Jun 28, 2012 11:05:08 GMT -5 saraandmichael said:

i would still tell her that you know she let him cry in his crib, no matter how much she lies about it.

Yep. And let her know she's not going to be watching him again, if ever. Do it as calmly as possible too... just state the facts. You know he barfed, in his crib, and you know why. As a result, etc. It's not up for debate or discussion.

TBH I'd be less pissed about what she did and more about how she reacted to it. I can understand the impulse to let him CIO, but hiding the sleeper because she KNEW she did wrong, and telling your sister that he was 'bad'? Hell no. If she just fessed up immediately and admitted she was wrong I'd be slightly pissed but it would be water under the bridge.

[ralphlauren]

I would be really pissed. You are not overreacting at all

[nadasteph]

Jun 28, 2012 11:16:47 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

Thank you ALL for validating my anger. I was afraid that I was blowing it out of proportion because he is my baby, you know? I Don't know what I'm going to do- if I'll talk to her about it or not, but I do know that there will be no more babysitting!

Do you want her to try to earn your trust back and eventually spend time alone with DS again? If not, then I wouldn't bother. If you do want them to have a close relationship and sleepovers in the future, then I think you should bring it up and see what she says.

[iamgrace]

Jun 28, 2012 11:20:39 GMT -5 nadasteph said:

Jun 28, 2012 11:16:47 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

Thank you ALL for validating my anger. I was afraid that I was blowing it out of proportion because he is my baby, you know? I Don't know what I'm going to do- if I'll talk to her about it or not, but I do know that there will be no more babysitting!

Do you want her to try to earn your trust back and eventually spend time alone with DS again? If not, then I wouldn't bother. If you do want them to have a close relationship and sleepovers in the future, then I think you should bring it up and see what she says.

Honestly? No. I had reservations about the whole thng from the start based on how she was with my nephew.

She wants to do overnights at her place when he is older, and take him to the movies, and to amusement parks and I'm like - uh, no.

The woman is a labour and delivery/ post partum nurse. She is fantastic with newborns. She has a gift. She is a wonderful, wonderful person when it comes to babies. Give her a toddler and it all goes to shit.

This whole thing makes me so sad.

[hisno1girl]

You are not overreacting at all. You have the way you want your child cared for and she should have done it, regardless of whether she agrees with it or not.

Poor baby

[Deleted]

And by the way grace, you made me feel normal because I put my kid to bed the same way you do. I get a lot of crap for not using CIO and I like hearing about other mothers who are like me this way.

It reassures me that it's okay I use a different way. :-)

[Cayl]

For the most part I try to be go with the flow on what the grandparents do, but this would piss me off to no end. Eating and sleeping are two things that I expect them to follow our directions on at this point, no questions asked.

[broc]

Thing is, if you do CIO you only have to do it 'once', but that once happens over the course of a few days. For us, it was 45 mins of crying night 1, 20 night 2, and then a couple where she'd cry for 30 sec-a minute. It's not like the kid just cries one night and then decides to go with the program. Even if her mom feels like her kid should CIO, unless she's bunking with them for a week she's not going to be able to see it through. Doing it inconsistently is going to make it all the more difficult if she does decide to go with CIO some time in the future. Sooo, you're doubly fucked.

[ECB]

Oh, I'd tell her that you know. Absolutely. Yes- she'll lie. But I'm w/ broc - be calm about it, state the facts, and let her like. When she does, just nod and say "This is exactly what I thought you'd say. Doesn't matter- I know the truth" and leave it at that.

Don't argue, don't get angry. Let her know you know and let her know the consequences. And then from here on out, when she ever asks to watch him, you say "no" and if she ever says "why not?", you just look at her and say "You know exactly why" and then move on.

But I think the calmer you are about it, the scarier you'll be. Calm gives a sense of seriousness and "I' mean what I say" much more so than anger does.

[Deleted]

I would be livid. We cosleep and when we do put her in her crib we have to go through the same ordeal with the rocking, waking up, then rocking again. This is exactly the reason my mom or mil don't watch my kid. We had a bad experience with my mil when my kid was 6 weeks old and after that I made the decision that she is never to watch my kid alone.

I don't think you are overreacting at all.

[silva]

justified rage.
yes.

I agree with the others. Stick to your guns and no longer allow her to watch Henry.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

[circa1978]

This isn't about me and my mother, so I'll spare you the story of when my parents did this to my son at six months but no, you aren't overreacting. I am pissed FOR you.

I'd just add that personally, my mom is so manipulative that she'd whip out the martyrdom and guilt complex so fast your head would spin if confronted, so I'd second following the advice of saying nothing and crossing her off your list of childcare forever, rather than trying to point out what she did was wrong. It was, you know it was, she'll deny it - nothing to be gained there except more frustration for you.

[wrathofkuus]

Send this to your mother:

www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=a1a74c84-c59d-414d-bbb7-3860fee988f1

along with a huge-ass guilt trip.

[Deleted]

i'd be filled with rage. motivated in large part because i'd KNOW that she decided to put my kid at risk to prove a point. you don't use children as weapons or to reaffirm your own beliefs about things.

overreacting would be calling her while insane with anger and cursing her and her ancestors back to the primordeal ooze.

waiting until you're calm, telling her that you know that she let him cry until he puked in contravention of your express wishes, and then covered it up, has lead you to conclude that she will not be watching him alone again, is not. and i'd tell your sister. i'd want to know if a family member was like that with someone else's kids.

you can also just never ask her again and never permit her again to watch him.

[wrathofkuus]

Jun 28, 2012 12:23:21 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Jun 28, 2012 12:20:14 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Send this to your mother:

www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=a1a74c84-c59d-414d-bbb7-3860fee988f1

along with a huge-ass guilt trip.

Is this just for newborns, though?

For the sake of the guilt trip, it doesn't really matter.

[margarita]

You're not overreacting. I'd be pissed, especially about the lengths she went to to hide it from you. That's not okay. I wouldn't want her to come and watch him again, either.

[Deleted]

Jun 28, 2012 10:52:20 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

Ninja, I agree with you in that I don't know for sure what happened. It kills me that I won't ever, either, because I know she will boldfaced lie. I just hope she cleaned him up quickly. The thing that gets me thought is that he was in the same sleeper I left out for him... And then I remembered that he has 2 the same! Sneaky, sneaky!

Non parent saying DEFINITELY never again.

In the grand scheme of things - kids puke, cry, go through clingy 'phases' and it's probably not a big deal/harmful to them later.

But not only did she do the opposite of what you said, she tried to cover it up! What if it had been something serious? Like a peanut allergy or something else potentially physically harmful and she decided it was stupid?

I wouldn't let anyone I can't trust watch my hypothetical child.

[peachdragon]

Yep, I would be really upset, too.

[eightangryreindeer]

I would completely fuck with her and spring the nannycam ruse.

So, H and I watched the nannycam tape from when you babysat the other night. Anything you want to tell us?

And find the duplicate pajamas, are they in the hamper? Are they even in the HOUSE?

[eightangryreindeer]

also lol @ me for "tape".

VCR'S ARE OVER, LAPTOP!!

[papie]

I would be livid. I didn't read the three pages of replies. But I would never trust her again.