Tell me a story about a time when your kid...

[Deleted]

One day when I was in preschool, we were playing Simon Says. Naturally, I was Simon. And I said, "Simon says, put your hands on your bagina."

My mom got a fantastic phone call in.

[hi725]

"take off your shirt, mommy. I want to see your boobs"!

[welder'swife]

I was changing shirts the other day, and I took off my bra. DD (2.5yo) runs into the room, grabs my boobs, and yells "Got your boobies!" and runs back out of the room. I could not stop laughing.

Then today, we went to lunch with my sister, and DD is sitting next to her, and pokes her boobs, saying "poked your boobies!"

I honestly do not know where the eff she got this from, but is is so hysterical, yet inappropriate.

[pierogigirl]

This was only a little inappropriate, but funny to DH and me.

DS1 moved up to the next room at daycare. We were happy because we didn't love the two teachers in that room. We saw one of them the next week when we were picking him up she said, "O dropped me like a hot potato." DS looked at her and said, "I no like tatoes." It was funny because he really doesn't like potatoes (or her, apparently).

[Deleted]

We walk by a man in a wheel chair.

C yells "MOOOOOOOMMMMMM WHY IS THAT MAN IN A CHAIR WITH WHEELS? What is WRONG with HIM?"

That was fun.

[cmh06]

DD was walking up the stair and slipped on one step and said, "God Damn Mother Fucker!" I gave DH the :-| while DH was trying not to laugh his butt off in front of her. I know exactly who she learned that phrase from and it certainly wasn't me.

[birdistheword]

I don't have kids, so I will tell a story from when I was one. My mom was carrying me at the grocery store and I was looking over her shoulder. There was a man walking behind us that I apparently felt was unpleasant looking. At the top of my lungs I screamed "Mommy look at that ugly man!!!" while pointing at him. My poor mom was mortified.

[EmilieMadison]

I have one about DH haha! His aunt tells this story all the time-
DH was about 3 and she took him to a restaurant for lunch and they sat at the bar. She ordered him a Shirley Temple and he yelled, "Hey! Is there booze in this?" She said she was humiliated LOL!

[mrsjuleshs]

When she was about one and we were at my friends moms she got mad that she couldn't walk between a table and a chair she finally gave up and yelled fuck, throwing her hands u in the air.

When she was 3 she decided to stand on a table and Dan e. I don't recall the convo but she looked right at my BFF and said I am not a bitch aunt lisha.

[hubes]

My sister came running out from her bedroom when she was 3 or 4 and announced "This dinosaur is a BITCH!"

She also asked me the difference between boy babies and girl babies at a picnic.

[mudslide]

Jun 28, 2012 19:56:47 GMT -5 @crackhabit said:

One about me:
When I was 2ish we were eating at Pizza Hut with my grandma because she was visiting from out of town. I had to pee so I yelled I HAVE TO GO PEE! at the top of my lungs. Then I took off running to the bathroom (I was recently potty trained). I am all about convenience so I stripped off my pants and undies at the table then I ran buck naked to the bathroom.

I've never lived that one down.

Omg. This is freaking hysterical

[DirtyMartini]

DD is now learning the proper terms for gentalia, as she has noticed her and her brother do not share the same "private parts." I told her DS has a penis, but she must have forgotten because one evening while in the bathtub she yelled "LOOK AT HIS BA-TINY!!" I think she meant vagina. Anyhow, I tell her "that is a penis not a vagina OR ba-tiny." She said, "but mommy it is TINY!"

This could be one of those you had to be there moments....

[daisyheadmaizie]

I think I have told this before, but it is my favorite.

I was talking to my best friend one day, and said something along the lines of "oh don't be such a..." Well, I realized DD was listening to me, so I kind of just stopped and moved on. Immediately DD piped up and said, "Bitch, that is the word you are looking for."

And, honestly, I wasn't sure to be proud that she was right or mortified that I obviously cuss enough that it was her automatic response.

[frauschmindy]

My neice took a big wiff of a bag of marbles and shouted, "it smells like BALLS!" Of course I started laughing so she carried on saying it all. day.

[Deleted]

I used to sneak my moms way too big bras and wear them to school. I was like 10 wearing a 34 c bra that had no chance of fitting for the next 10 years. Once a friend was like " why do you wear that? You don't even need it!"

I also used to take my parents ancient broken cell phone to school and walk around pretending like I was talking on it. Yeah.

[lissaholly]

When she was 2 we would go to this church for a big play group. They had a tiny kitchen, with lots of play food. There was a brown plastic bottle out of reach that DD wanted. She yelled, really loudly " I want my wine! I want my WINE!"

Same year, we took swimming lessons. Apparently she was too big for a particular swimsuit. So randomly she would burst out with " My vagina hurts!"

A little older and she picked up the phrase " Fucking god damn it!". Said often thanks to daddy;(

Said just recently, she came up with a game called " Hide and drink". She said you take
Drink and then go hide. Then she said, or we can play " hide and kiss" where you hide wih someone and then kiss them. She's 4!

[MWOS]

Jun 28, 2012 20:31:59 GMT -5 lissaholly said:

When she was 2 we would go to this church for a big play group. They had a tiny kitchen, with lots of play food. There was a brown plastic bottle out of reach that DD wanted. She yelled, really loudly " I want my wine! I want my WINE!"

Same year, we took swimming lessons. Apparently she was too big for a particular swimsuit. So randomly she would burst out with " My vagina hurts!"

A little older and she picked up the phrase " Fucking god damn it!". Said often thanks to daddy;(

Said just recently, she came up with a game called " Hide and drink". She said you take
Drink and then go hide. Then she said, or we can play " hide and kiss" where you hide wih someone and then kiss them. She's 4!

She's advanced! I didn't play those games til high school!

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Some guy cut me off while I was driving with Lucy and my seven year old nephew. I yelled "watch what you're doing, ass" and nephew cracked up. I apologize, saying, "I shouldn't have said that, guys". Lucy piped up, " yeah, you not finish your word- you mean assHOLE mommy"

[jjfiend]

A few weeks ago my darling daughter yelled "Beer! Beer!" at the top of her lungs from one end of the liquor store to the other. She had the entire store laughing.

She also likes to point out her "gina" and her "butt" when we change her diaper.

[psyck]

My boys are only one, so they aren't really talking yet. There was one time during church (they usually go to the nursery but they were celebrating all the baptisms within the past year, so the boys were in the service with us) where one of them blew loud raspberries repeatedly during the sermon.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

2 weeks ago, my child grabbed his junk IN CHURCH, right after communion when it was all quiet, and loudly announced "Don't touch your penis!" and promptly shit his pants. I grabbed our stuff and bolted ASAP. We haven't been back yet.

[myordinarylife]

When I was in school I worked as a nanny and was at the grocery store with a three year old boy getting the family's groceries, a man got in line behind us wearing a wife beater and really really tight biker shorts. B was staring at him, I tried to distract him with a candy bar and then he says at the top of his lung, Sam that man has a really big penis, daddy's penis isn't that big, i've seen it have you seen it. Cue utter mortification. I pick him up out of the cart and start walking out of the store, he continues with Sam why are we leaving, Sam you left our groceries. The whole front end of the store was basically laughing. I tried to shush him and said, stop saying my name. He then loudly says, why do you want me to stop saying your name. Never.went.back!

When my niece was three we went to an amusement park that had a water area, I took her into a stall to get changed. As I'm using the bathroom she says, you make red pee pees like mama.

When the same niece was four we threw my dad a huge retirement party, there were about 200 people there, it got quiet as they were getting ready to give him a plaque from his company and she loudly shouts, I'm just here for the beer.

[monkeyknifefight]

Just the other day, we were at the playground playing kitchen. I was busy drinking my "juice" when DS stands up and shouts "Who wants a beer? Beer? (looks around) Beer?

[MixedBerryJam]

I've told this one once already, but my son used to call people by their clothing, so it would be, for example, that white girl, that black kid, that striped lady, that yellow guy ... AWWWWKWARD!!

[frauschmindy]

Jun 28, 2012 20:41:07 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Some guy cut me off while I was driving with Lucy and my seven year old nephew. I yelled "watch what you're doing, ass" and nephew cracked up. I apologize, saying, "I shouldn't have said that, guys". Lucy piped up, " yeah, you not finish your word- you mean assHOLE mommy"

My brother did this to my dad once, "No, dad, you say 'SON OF A BITCH!' like mom."

[mrsjuleshs]

My nephew loves to yell out penis in the middle of the store. He is now 8 and still thinks it is the funniest thing to do. He loves mortifying his mom. He has done this since he was about 2. He has a fascination with the word.

[mamafl]

This happened today. I took my 3 year old and my 1.5 year old to MIL's fancy country club pool. I am not a "fancy country club" pool kind of person, but they wanted to swim, so I took them. I was kneeling down packing up our stuff and my 3 year old yelled "Hey Mama, I see your BUTTHOLE!!!!!!!!" in front of, like, a million fancy country club ladies. Sidenote: I was fully clothed and covered. He most certainly could not see my butthole.

Then if that weren't enough, he had a poop accident on the way out and I was cleaning shit off of a toddler in the parking lot next to my crappy car while all the "ladies who lunch" watched disapprovingly. I felt REALLY classy.

[drrn04]

During the first week of preschool, Natalie also had her first dance class. One girl happened to be both in her preschool and her dance class. She came out of dance class, proudly proclaiming (in front of all the other moms, including this particular child's mother), "Mommy! That little brown girl from preschool is in my dance class!" So that was a fun way to start getting to know people. The girl was Indian, and they ended up being the best of friends, but I pretty much wanted to die a thousand deaths that day.

And then there was the time she felt the need to remind me, in Target, "Mommy! There's Tiana! She's a black princess!" I got a lot of glares from that too. Turns out she was listening when I was explaining who Tiana was/why she was a big deal to my mom, who was completely out of the Disney princess loop.

And of course, there are the times when she made sure her preschool teachers knew she "scraped her labia and vagina sparkling clean" after she used the potty.

[Jermys]

Last night, Edith was telling H which book she wanted, and he yelled "Did you tell her to say this?" Apparently, she was saying "Daddy, I want Dick. Where is Dick!?" He was saying "It's Dick AND JANE!!"

When she was just learning to talk, forks were fucks, and she would ask for a fork by saying "Fuck me! Fuck me, mama!"

[drrn04]

OH yes! How could I forget. Just last night, during her bath she was itchy, and was saying "itch itch itchy bitchy, itchy bitchy bitchy bitch."

I don't think she knew it was a bad word (we're big prudes about language in our house), and I didn't want to call her attention to it, so I just turned away and laughed.