How do I handle this? Or do I?

[idoinjuly]

My dd has started referring to black people as "That black girl", like when she talks about one of the girls at the Kid's Club at the gym who is black. She did it about one of her dolls yesterday.

I know it's her way of differentiating between the people she meets, but I feel like I should teach her a different way. I've told her before that we are all made differently. Some people have black skin, white skin, curly hair, straight hair, etc.

[sake]

Maybe tell her it's more polite to use people's names.

[idoinjuly]

I have done that, actually. She doesn't always know the name of the person she is referring to.

[sake]

When I was young my mom would encourage me to ask people their names, and introduce myself as well if I wanted to play with them... we would roll play this at home until i felt comfortable going up to someone and saying "hi, I'm stephanie, what's your name?.... want to play?"

[mommyneedswine]

Jun 29, 2012 10:24:12 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Then tell her to refer to the girl by what she's like. "That nice girl." "That girl who has a lot of barbies." "that girl who can jump rope."

I agree with this. Have her think of another characteristic for the person or the activity they did together.

[Deleted]

Well, if it's the best descriptor and/or other ones aren't working, then why not, except she should say the girl who is black. Or at least that's my opinion. lol

But that's because when I point out my kid to people, I have to say that little blond white girl over there since I know they're looking for a mocha kid lol

[ECB]

Jun 29, 2012 10:27:10 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Well, if it's the best descriptor and/or other ones aren't working, then why not, except she should say the girl who is black. Or at least that's my opinion. lol

But that's because when I point out my kid to people, I have to say that little blond white girl over there since I know they're looking for a mocha kid lol

I agree. While skin color can be a charged issue, I'm not sure how using someone's physical appearance as a way to point them about is necessarily a bad thing. At 6'0" tall - I know that people describe me as such!

If DS is trying to point a kid out to me that he hardly knows and I don't know at all - I'm not sure how telling me "the kid who likes firetrucks" is going to do me any good.

BUT - I think another approach is to focus on their clothes. "The kid in the blue shirt", or what have you.

[kellbell191]

My disclaimer is that I am white but I think it is fine for her to describe someone by their physical characteristic. In fact, I'd prefer that she call the girl "the black girl" or "my black friend", form a friendship with her, and not be plagued by confusion or shame or weird feelings for acknowledging an honest physical difference.

[heightsyankee]

Jun 29, 2012 10:43:40 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

My disclaimer is that I am white but I think it is fine for her to describe someone by their physical characteristic. In fact, I'd prefer that she call the girl "the black girl" or "my black friend", form a friendship with her, and not be plagued by confusion or shame or weird feelings for acknowledging an honest physical difference.

I am also white and by no means (at least according to CE&P past discussions) well versed on race relations, but I would not associate any shame with race to my kids. As soon as you tell a kid they can't call another kid black is when that kid starts to think "black" is weird or not something we should talk about.

[housegeek]

Jun 29, 2012 10:43:40 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

My disclaimer is that I am white but I think it is fine for her to describe someone by their physical characteristic. In fact, I'd prefer that she call the girl "the black girl" or "my black friend", form a friendship with her, and not be plagued by confusion or shame or weird feelings for acknowledging an honest physical difference.

:Y:

[dragonfly08]

Jun 29, 2012 10:27:10 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Well, if it's the best descriptor and/or other ones aren't working, then why not, except she should say the girl who is black. Or at least that's my opinion. lol

I agree with this. I do talk to my kids about differences between/among people, and especially my older daughter knows that using other descriptors is preferable to labeling people using the color of their skin. But sometimes, color is the best way to point someone out in the absence of other factors, and IMO completely discouraging that (as opposed to teaching tolerance and polite phrasing) makes race more of a taboo/charged issue than it should be. I don't want my kids to think that skin color is as big a deal as other issues, so assuming they aren't being rude about it I try not to call attention to the fact that mentioning skin color is "bad" in some way.