A tale of two families

[sonrisa]

We moved back to the SF area in part to be near both families when we had kids.

I lived an ocean away from my grandparents for most of my childhood and always at least a plane ride away. My grandma got her butt on a plane from small town pennsylvania to London (or where ever) to visit us at least once a year as did my dad's parents (from Canada). My brother and SIL flew cross country while I was in labor with DD to surprise us and meet the baby. Yes, it's above and beyond but family matters a lot to us. 


My in laws are a 50 minute drive from here. More if you pick a bad time, but good v. bad traffic days and times are pretty easy to predict. They do not work. They have come up to visit us three times a year in the three years since DD was born. They didn't see her from Christmas until Easter the year she was a newborn because we couldn't travel down. MIL goes on an annual church retreat two hours north of here and passes within 5 minutes of our house. She has never stopped by or taken up my offer to meet for lunch. Those thrice annual visits will stop now that FIL has passed because MIL will not, under any circumstances, drive the golden gate bridge.

The hospital where DD2 will be born is half an hour from MIL's house and the same place she goes for her annual physicals. It is an easy and direct drive without any bridges. She just let us know she *might* come to meet the baby during our three days at the hospital, but she'll probably just wait for Christmas.

I'm annoyed. I'll let it go, but I needed to vent here. 

ETA: MIL and I have a great relationship and she clearly loves her grandchild. Really. That is part of why it pisses me off so. 

[berbles]

That sucks. I'm sorry Sonrisa.

[cbwm1]

I think you have every right to be upset about this. She's giving off the impression that she just doesn't care, and that's hurtful.

[youbetcha]

I'm so sorry. That must be really frustrating! Is there a friend who might be able to come with her for a visit to get her over the bridge?

[speckledfrog]

It's booshit.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry. I can see how that would hurt.

[sonrisa]

Dec 6, 2013 16:44:26 GMT -5 youbetcha said:

Is there a friend who might be able to come with her for a visit to get her over the bridge?

That was what I was hoping. There isn't even a bridge between her and the hospital. I thought we might be able to work something out with advanced planning. 

[sonrisa]

Thanks for letting me get this out here and avoid carrying a grudge.

[sonrisa]

Dec 6, 2013 16:51:37 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

Put her in a cab

Exactly! This is what I was suggesting. Plenty of people take cabs from the airport to SF. I think the cabbies can handle a San Mateo/Geary Kaiser run. But cabbies are strangers. Who would then have her address. So that is out.

[sonrisa]

Dec 6, 2013 17:03:24 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

Dec 6, 2013 16:53:22 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Exactly! This is what I was suggesting. Plenty of people take cabs from the airport to SF. I think the cabbies can handle a San Mateo/Geary Kaiser run.

Sonny. It's the only way.  My mom is a suburban old lady and she does Not drive in the city if she can help it. Geary is ridic.  Cab.

Btw, that's where my son was born. 

We should get them together. Maybe she'd be willing to catch the cab from a neighbor's house so she doesn't have to give him her address. 

[bananapancakes]

I'm sorry. I would be hurt by her behaviour too.

[Deleted]

This would hurt my feelings too. I agree with sending a cab or car service.

[sonrisa]

Dec 6, 2013 17:28:11 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

Dec 6, 2013 17:06:50 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

We should get them together. Maybe she'd be willing to catch the cab from a neighbor's house so she doesn't have to give him her address. 

MIL is paranoid too?? Lol !

Oh yes. Very anxious about anything that might cause anxiety. I'm the epitomy of disclosure and composure in comparison. 

[aprilsails]

My step-grandmother is an absolute hermit. I've only ever seen her in her own home. She didn't even attend her own son's wedding. My stepfather lives in fear that his father might go first and how much worse she will become with no contact with the outside world.

I'm sorry your MIL's anxiety is impacting your life in this way. It sucks.

[Booze Raccoon]

I live in a similar situation.  My family parents always go above and beyond with DD.  My in-laws act like they don't care.  The interesting thing is that my 3 year old pretty much ignores them when she does see them.  She knows, she knows.

I constantly have to remind myself that people's priorities are different.  Family means the world to me, clearly not to my in-laws.  

I'm sorry about your situation though, I know it is awful and feels lousy.

[strawberriquen]

I totally understand how angry and hurt you are. My ILs live about an hour from us and they haven't come to visit us since May. We go there about once a month, but we are REFUSING to drive down on Christmas because we want to set a precedent about not traveling for the holiday. They're pissed we won't come to visit...oh well. We've invited them up multiple times. My only advice is set your expectations low and don't expect her to change because she won't.

[polka]

I'm sorry