At the ICAN meeting tonight....

[mrsjenrn]

There was a sweet mama who is 36 weeks pregnant and hoping to VBAC. At one point she got up and started crying in the bathroom. Just terrified of everything to come. I know all moms get scared of birth, but it is different for most VBAC mamas. I was in her shoes 9 months ago and so many emotions that I haven't felt in a long time came flooding back to me. The good news is, all the fear, terror, crying, wondering, worrying went away as soon as I was in labor. Another mom who had a VBAC said the same exact thing. There was this sense of calm, peace, and knowing that everything was going to be fine. I hope hearing that helped the mom at least a little. Wow, really brings back emotions.  I was really unhappy during my pregnancy with Jack. Like really unhappy. I love that sweet little boy so much, I think I have forgotten how miserable I was. (heart)

One of the many reasons H has a vasectomy scheduled on January 30th. As bad as my baby fever is, tonight was a really good wake up call. I just.can't.go.through.that. again. Even with a VBAC under my belt. I just can't do it. I am really that terrified of a c section, and my c section experience wasn't as horrible as some stories I've heard!

Thanks for letting me vent! (heart)

[sara76]

I'm so happy you got the VBAC that was very important to you.

This is tagging along on the Facebook thread about nursing, I wanted to ask, you're still nursing jack or no?

[mrsmew]

This is so good to read. I very much want a VBAC next time around but I"m terrified. Like, literally terrified. I still have flashbacks to DD's birth and break down in tears. When I think back to her birth, the primary emotion I feel is fear. And that breaks my heart. My most vivid memory of her birth is laying on that table staring up at those huge operating lights and being scared out of my freaking mind. There are times that I've thought the next time around maybe I'll just do a repeat c-section just so that I can feel some sense of control and plan for things, because last time was such a cluster and nothing went according to plan. But I know I'll regret it if I don't try. I just worry that all my negative emotions about birth based on my last experience will inhibit my success next time. I feel like I need to really resolve some stuff in order to be successful.

I definitely want to find an ICAN meeting locally.

[babybchbum]

Dec 10, 2013 12:37:31 GMT -5 mrsmew said:

This is so good to read. I very much want a VBAC next time around but I"m terrified. Like, literally terrified. I still have flashbacks to DD's birth and break down in tears. When I think back to her birth, the primary emotion I feel is fear. And that breaks my heart. My most vivid memory of her birth is laying on that table staring up at those huge operating lights and being scared out of my freaking mind. There are times that I've thought the next time around maybe I'll just do a repeat c-section just so that I can feel some sense of control and plan for things, because last time was such a cluster and nothing went according to plan. But I know I'll regret it if I don't try. I just worry that all my negative emotions about birth based on my last experience will inhibit my success next time. I feel like I need to really resolve some stuff in order to be successful.

I definitely want to find an ICAN meeting locally.

Do it! I've heard so many wonderful and inspiring stories from people who have attended ICAN meetings as well as those who have had an experienced doula.

I know sometimes things happen that the drs don't want you to try but I would start having that conversation as soon as you find a new OBGYN even when you aren't pregnant.

[mrsjenrn]

Yes, I'm still nursing Jack, Sara. 9 months tomorrow and going strong! Not a drop of formula!

I hated it for the first couple months! Me! Can you believe it? He nursed all.the.time. I missed my Zoe. I felt like I never got to play with her like I did before. It is so much better now! I'm so glad I stuck it out.

How's it going for you? Having 2 with a 2 year age difference is hard. Really hard!

[kimandross]

I'm so sorry you both had such fear. I know during my pregnancy with Hudson, I was scared of having another c/s, but at the same time knew that if I had to have one, that was just how it was going to be. I am so glad I got my VBAC and it was such a great experience. I'm kind of glad I've had both now, gives me an interesting perspective on both. I hope you get yours one day Meghan!!

[mrsmew]

Thanks, Kim! I do take some comfort in the fact that even if I end up with another c-section, at least I know what to expect and I don't have my head in the sand about that possibility now like I did the first time. So I can kind of prepare myself either way. Last time I just didn't even want to think about it as an option.

I think for me it wasn't so much the c-section in and of itself that was scary, but the circumstances leading up to it. The whole delivery took a drastic turn really suddenly and it all just felt really out of control. I'm not one who likes to feel out of control (even though obviously by nature, birth is very much out of our control!).

I'd love to end up with both experiences…but we'll see what's in the cards!

[mrsjenrn]

I'm sorry you feel that was about such a happy time, Meghan! It sucks, I know! I don't really view Zoe's birth and my c section as the same event, if that makes sense. I sounds weird but that is how I feel. I love Zoe so very much, but her birth story has been impossible to write without a lot of tears, even after my VBAC. My sweet girl was brought to me magically from behind a curtain, that is how I think about seeing her for the first time. What a difference it is telling her birth story vs Jack's,and that makes me sad, no matter how much I love each of my babies. Definitely check out your local ICAN chapter! I called it my monthly therapy session during pregnancy, and it was nice not to feel like a freak because I was so traumatized by the c section.