I could use advice, hair pats, whatever you got

[sashimi]

I'm a long time lurker, sometimes poster. So here goes:

    I've been married to DH for 5 years and we a 2 years old DS. He's 36 and I'm almost 35. We live in the Chicagoland area. Our marriage is great, that's not the issue. The issue at hand is both of our families. His parents are not involved in our lives (their choice) because they are semi retired and I have a second home in GA where they spend time with their friends and work on their golf swing. My mother in law especially is real piece of work because she "blames" me and DH for not seeing DS often enough. We have explained to her that it is more convenient for for her and FIL to come back to Chicagoland area (and they still have a home up here) to travel back to see DS. When they come there is always some sort of drama involved, because she's rude and insulting. When you call them out on their BS they don't get how they are being rude. So we have found it best for us to limit our time spent with them.
    Now my parents live in TN where I'm originally from. My middle sister lives 2 min away from there with my BIL, niece, and nephew. Baby sister lives in TX. So we are all spread out. My sisters and I are not close. We are different from each other, and that's fine. But when we all get together for Thanksgiving/Passover/Hanukkah/etc.. DISASTER. And, usually I'm the one that gets blamed, and I'm the one that always apologizes to diffuse or stop the arguement (not that I agree with it, it's just the way I cope). 
    The arguments are stupid. I told my nephew who is older than my DS (he's 6) not to pull on my son (we were at the Zoo) and he kept pulling on his jacket, and my DS was close to toppling over. So my sister comes rushing over and yelling at me, "not to be rude" and grabbed her son away, and her son started to cry. So then my parents and family were pissed at me for "making him cry." So I tried to explain. It was ignored.
     The whole thing just makes me want to give UP! My DH was on my side, and just told me to get through it. He knows how ridiculous they're being.
     Fast forward to tonight, I was talking to my mom, and I was venting about DH over something stupid, and she tells me I need to cut him some slack since he does more of the parenting then I do (she doesn't think I parent a lot since DH bathes, DS, cooks meals, a lot during the week since I work later hours, or she sees me asking DH to do something for me and he does it. In other words---I'm lazy!) SO I hung up her. She got pissed, called me back and threatened me saying that the next time I hang up on her she's cutting all ties with me. That she doesn't want me to come home for T-giving that I need to make my own traditions since I cause so many problems. I just said fine, I've got to go, and hung up. 

     I guess, I'm feeling really upset. I feel like something is wrong with me. I told DH all of this he just says, I love you so much. I'm really hurt and angry over all of this. I especially feel horrible for my DS. All I want him to have is a great set of grandparents. I feel like that maybe it is all my fault. I have no clue what to do.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Here's my assessment. Your family on both sides are jerks and your H is highly supportive. Or, you might have behavior which is closer to making their claims true than you'd like to admit to yourself. I can't tell here. I would be sad if my mom said those things to me, too.

I would start by asking H not for hairpats but for an honest opinion and go from there.

[beautifulfields12]

There are parts of this post that are really confusing.

It sounds like there is a lot of mis-communication on both ends. It is silly for your family to be "mad" about your 6 y/o nephew crying. But it is also weird that you would hang up on your mom, IMO. That sounds really childish. Maybe it will be in your best interest to have a cooling off period.

I am an only child and I am not close with my extended family. That said, I have friends that I consider family and treat my DS like gold.
ETA: You do not always need family to make your child feel loved/special.

It is probably feeling really raw right now. Take time to breathe and maybe try to journal it out.

[penelope]

I am sorry to hear this for you. I have no advice, just hugs. Stress between family sucks.

[MWOS]

you need to go to therapy to learn how to stay away from these people. or not. but probably.

[lime]

Don't bitch to your Mom about your H.

The rest of your post is a bit all over the map. I think you could benefit from a few sessions with a family therapist to discuss the dynamics and learn how to move forward.