WWMLD, Daycare edition

[sugarbear]

DS1 goes to preschool, so this is only an issue for DS2.

We share a nanny with our neighbors, three days per week (they share a 4th with another family). Our nanny is originally from India, and needs to fly back home on fairly short notice as her only remaining aunt is undergoing brain surgery. She told us this yesterday, and plans to be gone from January 6th to the 28th.

When she told us this, she offered up her daughter to watch the kids. Daughter is available and happy to do it, and has subbed for nanny before, but not with any of our children. Daughter has a 3 year old child who would likely need to accompany her.

DH and I scrambled and got everything covered between PTO, family, and friends. It would be hectic, but manageable, and would ensure that DS2-- who, I should note, is the easiest baby ever-- is with someone who knows him.

However, that would force the other families to either scramble, or to pay the daughter our going rate ($18/hr) on their own. On the one hand, I don't think that's fair, or kind, but on the other hand, is this a situation that calls for all hands on deck / every man for himself?

I think we already know what we're going to do, but WWMLD?

[ECB]

I would just continue to use the nanny share. There was a point that your DS didn't know the nanny, right? Everyone is a stranger at some point.

[eddy]

I would stay with the nanny share.

It doesn't take babies long to get to know new people. It wouldn't be worth the hassle to look for someone new.

[pinkflats]

I guess I am the odd man out, but I would make it work with family and friends. We are in a similar situation with child care and whenever it comes down to our provider's SIL or Mother watching DS because provider has a conflict, we always find an alternative and do not pay for the time she needs off.

[sugarbear]

Dec 12, 2013 11:30:44 GMT -5 eddy said:

I would stay with the nanny share.

It doesn't take babies long to get to know new people. It wouldn't be worth the hassle to look for someone new.

Ok, I agree. But the other families want to have a big sit-down meeting about what we're going to do, and I'm all, well, she offered a totally viable solution, so let's just go with that.

Our plan is to meet with the other two families and suggest this ^^. If they balk, we'll likely go with our family / friends / PTO option.

[ECB]

Dec 12, 2013 11:36:20 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:30:44 GMT -5 eddy said:

Ok, I agree. But the other families want to have a big sit-down meeting about what we're going to do, and I'm all, well, she offered a totally viable solution, so let's just go with that.

Our plan is to meet with the other two families and suggest this ^^. If they balk, we'll likely go with our family / friends / PTO option.

O.k.- so wait - it's the OTHER family that has a problem w/ using the nanny share w/ the daughter?  In that case - yeah, use what you have lined up if you get ANY sense that there is going to be an issue.

[juliahenry]

This is why I would never do a nanny share without spelling out all these details.

I don't think you should have to take the substitute sitter if you dont want to, but I dont think the other families should be stuck picking up the tab either.

What does your agreement say? are you responsible for vacation time? how do you sort out time when you dont need the sitter and the others do?

Also, why does extended family merit a 3-week trip on short notice?

Honestly, if it were me, I would be looking at another arrangement altogether...


Also, for $18/hour to SHARE this person, you could be paying less for a single person or daycare in most cities...Do they pay the same? I ask because I almost agreed to a nanny share for DD with another family who set the situation up. I found out partway through the process that they were expecting us to pay $15/hour and they would pay $5, and have it in their home. It was not a good deal for us, especially since we would have to do pickup and dropoff...

[ECB]

Dec 12, 2013 11:42:29 GMT -5 juliahenry said:

 I found out partway through the process that they were expecting us to pay $15/hour and they would pay $5, and have it in their home. It was not a good deal for us, especially since we would have to do pickup and dropoff...

How did they justify THIS?  If it's "we'll be supplying the food", that doesn't come to (based on 40 hours) $400 a WEEK.  Hell. 

[sugarbear]

Dec 12, 2013 11:42:22 GMT -5 ECB said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:36:20 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Ok, I agree. But the other families want to have a big sit-down meeting about what we're going to do, and I'm all, well, she offered a totally viable solution, so let's just go with that.

Our plan is to meet with the other two families and suggest this ^^. If they balk, we'll likely go with our family / friends / PTO option.

O.k.- so wait - it's the OTHER family that has a problem w/ using the nanny share w/ the daughter?  In that case - yeah, use what you have lined up if you get ANY sense that there is going to be an issue.

I don't know yet, but I'm assuming they do. It's hard to tell. Really, I'm trying to be proactive so that DH and I have discussed all our options before the meeting, and we know what we're comfortable with.

I'd be ok with the daughter. I'd RATHER have my family and friends do it, but not at the expense of our good nanny share / neighbor relationship. I have no desire to search out someone else to fill in temporarily.

[juliahenry]

Dec 12, 2013 11:46:57 GMT -5 ECB said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:42:29 GMT -5 juliahenry said:

 I found out partway through the process that they were expecting us to pay $15/hour and they would pay $5, and have it in their home. It was not a good deal for us, especially since we would have to do pickup and dropoff...

How did they justify THIS?  If it's "we'll be supplying the food", that doesn't come to (based on 40 hours) $400 a WEEK.  Hell. 

I don't know. I think they never thought we would find out. When I found out, I just backed out saying it wasn't the right situation for us. I figured if they would take advantage like that at the very beginning, then it was a bad set up from the start. Instead I found someone for $12/hour who would watch dd in my home AND pick up ds at the bus stop then watch both until I got home

[ECB]

Dec 12, 2013 11:58:34 GMT -5 juliahenry said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:46:57 GMT -5 ECB said:

I don't know. I think they never thought we would find out. When I found out, I just backed out saying it wasn't the right situation for us. I figured if they would take advantage like that at the very beginning, then it was a bad set up from the start. Instead I found someone for $12/hour who would watch dd in my home AND pick up ds at the bus stop then watch both until I got home

That's even worse!  At least if they had some rationale (reasonable or not), I'd "get it", but to try and trick you?  Yeah... 

[sugarbear]

Dec 12, 2013 11:42:29 GMT -5 juliahenry said:

This is why I would never do a nanny share without spelling out all these details.

I don't think you should have to take the substitute sitter if you dont want to, but I dont think the other families should be stuck picking up the tab either.

What does your agreement say? are you responsible for vacation time? how do you sort out time when you dont need the sitter and the others do?

Also, why does extended family merit a 3-week trip on short notice?

Honestly, if it were me, I would be looking at another arrangement altogether...


Also, for $18/hour to SHARE this person, you could be paying less for a single person or daycare in most cities...Do they pay the same? I ask because I almost agreed to a nanny share for DD with another family who set the situation up. I found out partway through the process that they were expecting us to pay $15/hour and they would pay $5, and have it in their home. It was not a good deal for us, especially since we would have to do pickup and dropoff...

We spelled out all the details that we could foresee, but somehow "emergency brain surgery half way across the world" wasn't on our radar.

It's a cultural thing. She's the closest relative; she has to go. We certainly aren't going to argue with her; we love her and I believe she came up with a reasonable solution to her absence. It's not my favorite, but we have limited options.

I do not want to leave the other families in a lurch. $18 is by no means a lot in Seattle. We split it evenly, and we alternate weeks at each others' houses.

[sugarbear]

Dec 12, 2013 12:07:47 GMT -5 ECB said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:58:34 GMT -5 juliahenry said:

I don't know. I think they never thought we would find out. When I found out, I just backed out saying it wasn't the right situation for us. I figured if they would take advantage like that at the very beginning, then it was a bad set up from the start. Instead I found someone for $12/hour who would watch dd in my home AND pick up ds at the bus stop then watch both until I got home

That's even worse!  At least if they had some rationale (reasonable or not), I'd "get it", but to try and trick you?  Yeah... 

And yeah, this is awful. No wonder you aren't interested in a nanny share!

[juliahenry]

Dec 12, 2013 12:16:53 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:42:29 GMT -5 juliahenry said:

This is why I would never do a nanny share without spelling out all these details.

I don't think you should have to take the substitute sitter if you dont want to, but I dont think the other families should be stuck picking up the tab either.

What does your agreement say? are you responsible for vacation time? how do you sort out time when you dont need the sitter and the others do?

Also, why does extended family merit a 3-week trip on short notice?

Honestly, if it were me, I would be looking at another arrangement altogether...


Also, for $18/hour to SHARE this person, you could be paying less for a single person or daycare in most cities...Do they pay the same? I ask because I almost agreed to a nanny share for DD with another family who set the situation up. I found out partway through the process that they were expecting us to pay $15/hour and they would pay $5, and have it in their home. It was not a good deal for us, especially since we would have to do pickup and dropoff...

We spelled out all the details that we could foresee, but somehow "emergency brain surgery half way across the world" wasn't on our radar.

It's a cultural thing. She's the closest relative; she has to go. We certainly aren't going to argue with her; we love her and I believe she came up with a reasonable solution to her absence. It's not my favorite, but we have limited options.

I do not want to leave the other families in a lurch. $18 is by no means a lot in Seattle. We split it evenly, and we alternate weeks at each others' houses.

Well that makes a lot of sense. If it's $18/ hour to share and $9/ hour per family that's totally reasonable. I misunderstood.



I think either way will work fine. Good luck to you all. 

[sugarbear]

Dec 12, 2013 12:37:08 GMT -5 @booby said:

i have found myself in this exact situation twice:

1. my regular sitter's mom had a heart attack and needed 24/7 care, so she told me her H's cousin's wife could take over and watch G. I went to go meet her, she seemed legit so we went with it.

2. shortly after G started with that new sitter, the new sitter's mom had a health issue and sitter had to go to pakistan at short notice for a month. she and original sitter recommended some lady in my city who they are not related to, but they know well. she offers care in her home. so we went with it for a month. it was fine.

i see that you're not the one feeling pause over this, but i'd thought i'd share anyway. i think the daughter is a solid option. and even better, you just end up building your network of trusted people who can watch your kids (that's how i like to look at it!).

I hadn't thought of that, but you're right-- an added bonus.