There is still quite a bit of snow outside in parts where the sun doesn't hit it. We got home and went outside to walk the dogs. I told her that if she got in the snow she had to go straight to bed. She didn't have on boots, just tennis shoes. She yelled no at me and took off running to the snow and jumped right in it. We went back inside and I let her eat her dinner and then put her straight to bed. She is so upset and I am sad that I didn't get to spend time with her. I had to follow through though, right?
She does have boots, but we were just walking the dogs quickly and had just got home. It wasn't play time and I was trying to hurry and get back inside to make dinner.
Maybe I am a softie, but that seems harsh for a two year old.
This past month I've started telling her if she doesn't do this or that she will have to go to bed early. It always works and she completely understands the concept.
Im I mat the end of my rope to get her to mind. She doesn't mind timeout at all. She doesn't care if I take a toy away (she just gets another). Suggestions? I'm really frustrated and sad that she won't mind me.
Post by daisybuchannan on Dec 12, 2013 20:25:59 GMT -5
I think following through when you state the consequence is important (keep in mind I only have a 15 month old), but if the consequence results in a kid waking up hours early bc she went to bed early, then its only punishing you!
I'll keep reading though, bc I have no idea what punishments are appropriate at what ages.
I think following through was good. In the future you'll have to adjust your threats to meet the crime.
Sometimes I threaten and in my brain I'm all "Oh fuck! That wasn't a good one!". I ALWAYS follow through though. Once they see that they miiiiight get away with something, it's over.
I think following through was good. In the future you'll have to adjust your threats to meet the crime.
Sometimes I threaten and in my brain I'm all "Oh fuck! That wasn't a good one!". I ALWAYS follow through though. Once they see that they miiiiight get away with something, it's over.
I know it's snow and kids like snow, but the point was I said no. She likes to swim too, but she is not allowed to run and jump in a swimming pool anytime she sees one. We have played in the snow plenty, but tonight was not the night.
I think using early bedtime as a punishment is a sticky situation. I did it once because me and David had a terrible day and after a time-out, he physically came after me (this was about three months ago, he just turned 5) and I could tell her was so overtired, I just said "okay, we're done" and I calmly put him to bed an hour early with no routine.
But I think it's fine to give her a consequence for running in the snow when you told her not to. You have to set those boundaries at some point and 3 was about when we really started setting them with David. He was a bear at 3. Three was tough for sure.
Maybe I am a softie, but that seems harsh for a two year old.
This past month I've started telling her if she doesn't do this or that she will have to go to bed early. It always works and she completely understands the concept.
Im I mat the end of my rope to get her to mind. She doesn't mind timeout at all. She doesn't care if I take a toy away (she just gets another). Suggestions? I'm really frustrated and sad that she won't mind me.
I don't threaten only 1 particular thing like going to bed early. I tailor it to whatever is going on that day so she's more inclined to actually be afraid of that consequence. I also always give her a summary of what is about to happen. Example:
Finish your breakfast, then we are going to upstairs, brush your hair, brush your teeth and get your shoes on and then we will go to the park. If you don't brush your teeth, we can't go to the park. Depending on the day it might be "or we won't go to Target" or "You can stay up an extra 15 minutes to watch this show but then only 2 stories tonight."
I try to let her know that this is exactly what is supposed to happen and if she deviates from the plan, the plan will change. I think it also gives her a sense of control since she can make choices.
Not a parent yet but I think you did the right thing by following through. Perhaps you could have picked a better consequence for all involved (hope she doesn't get up too early tomorrow) but once threatened, committing to the follow through was best. Never make idle threats, it's a terrible precedent to set.
I am going to be the voice of dissent and say that I think it is ok to not always follow through. If I make a threat that is too much for what the kid is doing, I don't follow through. I say "ok maybe saying you are going straight to bed was a bit harsh, so instead the consequence is that we are going inside immediately"
I don't see a problem with what you did. Our actions have consequences...it's a good lesson to learn early. An earlier bedtime is not that big of a deal.
Post by EmilieMadison on Dec 12, 2013 20:47:43 GMT -5
She's 2. It's your job to dress your child appropriately for the conditions, so if you took her outside with you and didnt want her shoes to get wet, you should have put boots on her.
Don't be sad. Regardless of whether the threat met the crime, you still have to follow through. I don't think she's too young to understand the consequences. Explain it again calmly tomorrow.
I'm on your side, even though I also get sad when the night goes totally sideways. My kid needs to know that sometimes she just has to listen to me, no questions asked. I would have done the exact same thing if my kid said 'no' and completely defied me. That doesn't happen often, lol.
Good point on the talking about it again tomorrow. I didn't think about that.
She he has been really difficult lately and I kind of feel like she is testing her limits. Do almost three year olds do this?
Don't be sad. Regardless of whether the threat met the crime, you still have to follow through. I don't think she's too young to understand the consequences. Explain it again calmly tomorrow.
I'm on your side, even though I also get sad when the night goes totally sideways. My kid needs to know that sometimes she just has to listen to me, no questions asked. I would have done the exact same thing if my kid said 'no' and completely defied me. That doesn't happen often, lol.
Good point on the talking about it again tomorrow. I didn't think about that.
She he has been really difficult lately and I kind of feel like she is testing her limits. Do almost three years do this?
This is parenting shit isn't a walk in the park.
Yes that is ALL they do a that age, lol. It is hard. You learn as you go.
Also, David didn't sit in time out until he was 3. I felt like he either didn't get it or it was a communication issue because of his speech delay but they weren't effective at 2 *for us*. At three, he definitely got it and if he didn't sit in time out, I'd sit behind him and time would start over until he did his three minutes. I only had to sit behind him once or twice before he understood he WILL do his time out.
There is still quite a bit of snow outside in parts where the sun doesn't hit it. We got home and went outside to walk the dogs. I told her that if she got in the snow she had to go straight to bed. She didn't have on boots, just tennis shoes. She yelled no at me and took off running to the snow and jumped right in it. We went back inside and I let her eat her dinner and then put her straight to bed. She is so upset and I am sad that I didn't get to spend time with her. I had to follow through though, right?
How is bed a natural consequence to playing in the snow?
I'm all for follow through, but only if it makes sense.
You need to read my parenting coach threads! Just kidding. Kids are hard, yo. I think you did the right thing by following through. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's an investment in the future. I would chat with her about it tomorrow.
I think you did the right thing. Parenting mostly occurs in the moment, so even if you threatened a "non-ideal" consequence, you said it and you have to mean it. Also, I get it- it wasn't that you didn't want her shoes to get wet. You didn't want to give her the option to start playing, which would make it harder to drag her inside. If "OMG SNOW" is an excuse for kids to go nuts and think it's play time ALL the time, I feel bad for all the northern moms who have snow pretty much every day during the winter. Sometimes, it just isn't play time. The alternative could have been locking her in the closet while you took the dogs out, but you know... that's illegal.
You're doing a good job, mama. This shit is hard. I wonder everyday who let me bring a baby home from the hospital.
I totally think you did the right thing. Its a good point you made about swimming pools- just because there is snow isn't a reason for your child not to listen to you. And you know your kid better than anyone and choose a punishment that would stick with her. Good job following through.