Welp now I feel badly

[elleblue]

Because my MIL suggested we not exchange gifts with SIL and her husband because she's currently unemployed. Problem is we already bought their gift and it's on it's way to them - it may have even already arrived. That's what I get for being on the ball. 

[karmasabiotch]

Do you know if they asked your MIL to tell you that?

[HiC]

Will it be a problem if you bought them a gift and they don't buy you guys one? Can you just send them a note saying, Please don't buy us anything for Xmas this year, or else!!

[bania]

Oh man. Did she just lose her job now? Or did MIL wait until now to tell you?

[Deleted]

Aw I would just tell them that you know they are having a rough year and wanted to get them something. Tell them that is what family is for.

[elleblue]

Dec 14, 2013 20:36:17 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

Do you know if they asked your MIL to tell you that?

I doubt it. MIL just mentioned they had said to them they weren't going to exchange gifts and suggested we do the same.

Dec 14, 2013 20:42:30 GMT -5 HiC said:

Will it be a problem if you bought them a gift and they don't buy you guys one? Can you just send them a note saying, Please don't buy us anything for Xmas this year, or else!!

Absolutely not an issue, in fact this has happened before years ago and it never bothered me. I'm pretty understanding as their circumstances are different from ours. Beyond that I don't give gifts with expectations or strings attached. A gift is a gift, regardless of whether or not someone is able to reciprocate. 

[elleblue]

Dec 14, 2013 20:43:05 GMT -5 bania said:

Oh man. Did she just lose her job now? Or did MIL wait until now to tell you?

She lost it last spring I think? In any case it's been awhile. I suppose I should have thought of it on my own, but their gift s to us are usually a DVD or something, so it actually didn't occur to me that it might be a hardship. I'm an ass, aren't I? 

[elleblue]

Dec 14, 2013 20:49:16 GMT -5 @t2j said:

Aw I would just tell them that you know they are having a rough year and wanted to get them something. Tell them that is what family is for.

Yeah, though I'm struggling as to how to say this without sounding presumptuous or condescending. It's H's sister and while the two of us get along great we rarely see them as they live across the country. We did just see them for Thanksgiving, but that was the first time in four years. 

[bania]

Dec 14, 2013 20:59:30 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Dec 14, 2013 20:43:05 GMT -5 bania said:

Oh man. Did she just lose her job now? Or did MIL wait until now to tell you?

She lost it last spring I think? In any case it's been awhile. I suppose I should have thought of it on my own, but their gift s to us are usually a DVD or something, so it actually didn't occur to me that it might be a hardship. I'm an ass, aren't I? 

No you aren't an ass at all!! You did nothing wrong. The packages were already sent, there's nothing you can do about that. I would just tell them you heard from MIL after they were already sent and that you completely understand why they aren't into exchanging this year. Maybe contact them first to explain?

[verypunny]

Don't feel like an ass! Just tell them you wanted to do something nice because they have had a rough year and you don't need nor want anything in return.

[elleblue]

Dec 14, 2013 21:06:47 GMT -5 bania said:

Dec 14, 2013 20:59:30 GMT -5 elleblue said:

She lost it last spring I think? In any case it's been awhile. I suppose I should have thought of it on my own, but their gift s to us are usually a DVD or something, so it actually didn't occur to me that it might be a hardship. I'm an ass, aren't I? 

No you aren't an ass at all!! You did nothing wrong. The packages were already sent, there's nothing you can do about that. I would just tell them you heard from MIL after they were already sent and that you completely understand why they aren't into exchanging this year. Maybe contact them first to explain?

Thanks Bania. The gift was scheduled to be delivered earlier this week, though i haven't looked at the tracking. 

MIL just texted me back telling me not to worry about it.  So I guess the good news is that it was her idea and not theirs so the gift won't be a complete faux pas. 

[papie]

I think you did nothing wrong. You normally exchange gifts and you just bought gifts. I hate people who announce the no gift thing in December. You gift is wrapped and under the tree already dummie!

[jenna]

I wouldn't explain anything. Just wish them a Merry Christmas.

[Booze Raccoon]

Tell them the fucking truth. You got it before MIL asked you not to.

I'm all pissy because I'm the poor sister this year. lol

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2013 21:07:39 GMT -5 verypunny said:

Don't feel like an ass! Just tell them you wanted to do something nice because they have had a rough year and you don't need nor want anything in return.

I like this response.

[elleblue]

Dec 14, 2013 21:26:49 GMT -5 jenna said:

I wouldn't explain anything. Just wish them a Merry Christmas.

This is the direction I'm leaning. I'd be pretty insulted/hurt if someone went out of their way to say a gift wasn't expected. Of course everyone feels differently about these kinds of things but I'd rather not bring up a potentially sore subject. 

Dec 14, 2013 21:45:44 GMT -5 Booze Raccoon said:

Tell them the fucking truth. You got it before MIL asked you not to.

I'm all pissy because I'm the poor sister this year. lol

I'm sorry, I was that sister for a while when broke and in school and it sucks. *hugs*

[bania]

Since it was MIL that started this all, I would let her explain.

[mrsukyankee]

I'm the poor sister this year and I told my parents and sibling that I wasn't going to do a gift exchange this year in October. I think it's a bit late to say this now.

[elleblue]

Dec 15, 2013 5:25:24 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Honestly, you don't have to struggle to say something. They already get it because they said no gifts. I would just call them up and say hey, we already sent the gifts out but that you love them and don't they dare send anything in return. If they protest and say they need to, I would say something like "No way! But if you want to give us something, we'll be out your way on X date and you know how much we love when you make X meal.. Honestly, we'd love a night with you guys! Deal?"

That'd be great, except after our recent trip I swore I wasn't going back to FL anytime soon. Too warm and humid for me. lol