Would this be mean?

[fryjack2]

In case none of you read my earlier thread about MIL and her gift buying annoyingness, here's a summary.  MIL asks for a gift list for the kids -a year and a half old. Gets one, proceeds to question/doubt/ask a million questions about everything on the list.

She is having some trouble figuring out how to buy an item that I had on the Amazon wish list.  Its sold out on Amazon.  Fine, we tell her to pick something else. She picks other gifts and emails a million times about them.  We answer her questions. She changes her mind about what gift she wants to get and proceeds to start over with the questions.  She still says she wants to buy the original gift, but its still not available.  H asks her if she would like links to other stores that carry it.   If not, its fine, we will buy it for the boys ourselves.  She says she wants to.  We give her links of 2 places that have it. 

Now she is not sure what to do about which site to buy from and where to ship it. Our house or theirs.  Should they have it sent to theirs so the boys can open it at their house??? Or ours since one of the stores is less than a mile from our house? I have had no less than 5 emails and 2 texts today about this.  If she ships it to us, she wants them to have something to open at her house. What should she pick? FFS. 

Would it be mean to tell her to stop over thinking this? To decide herself where she would like the boys to open the gifts, and do whatever she prefers? 

[Deleted]

I don't think I'd have the patience to deal with this at all.

[ECB]

Dec 17, 2013 14:05:01 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

Would it be mean to tell her to stop over thinking this? To decide herself where she would like the boys to open the gifts, and do whatever she prefers? 

When I read your other post, something like this went through my head.  I think it was more along the lines of "MIL -  you keep asking us about this. Don't overthink this.  I don't know what else to tell you.".

Because really... I think it's about time that you somehow call her out on this.  It's ridiculous.

[fryjack2]

Dec 17, 2013 14:07:10 GMT -5 @stpete said:

I only read the last sentences. Why would that be mean? Unless you call her a bitch while doing so I think you are safe.

Ha! Maybe because in my head I'm super annoyed and think it will translate that way when saying it.  And she is sensitive.

[fryjack2]

Dec 17, 2013 14:09:33 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

I don't think I'd have the patience to deal with this at all.

I did to a point.  Then H took over because I was done. 

Now she is emailing me and texting me saying she doesn't think H is getting her texts and can I answer her questions.

Shoot me.  I forwarded the texts to H and told him to stop ignoring his mom.

[penelope]

Maybe the words "stop over thinking this" might be a bit much, but to tell her that it is up to her and to do whatever she wants is not mean.

Either that or make the decision for her, tell her what to do, and be done with it. I have an aunt like that, and sometimes you just have to do it.

[Deleted]

This is clearly a woman who has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE going on in her life.

Sorry. I would find this so frustrating.

I have no idea what the polite thing to do would be.

[ECB]

One thing I'll add, though - she clearly has an issue making decisions. Don't give her options in the future. Don't send two links, send ONE. Instead of sending her a list of gifts, give her two options, maybe even just ONE option if you can.

The less you give her, the less choices she has to make, perhaps, PERHAPS, the less annoying she'll be.

Just tell her "Send it to your house" since you know she wants them to have something to open there.

ETA: to lessen  your annoyance, you need to change how you handle her!

[fryjack2]

@misoangry You hit the nail on the head. She has nothing else going on except her other grandchildren who she sees almost every weekend. She quit an activity because she anticipated spending more time here with us.  Um, no. We haven't invited you and have no plans to add visits.

We ignore 3 out of 5 emails she sends. Because they are all random crap we don't care about like telling us random neighbor got a new car and its blue. Great?

[fryjack2]

ECB I have tried that. She proceeds to ask for more options. My plan to lessen my annoyance is to have H deal with her

[ECB]

Dec 17, 2013 14:18:57 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

ECB I have tried that. She proceeds to ask for more options. My plan to lessen my annoyance is to have H deal with her

OMG.  O.k. - then, yeah, I'd find a way to say "MIL, this doesn't need to be complicated  (maybe a nicer way than saying "don't overthink")"

Or hell, I think I'd be pushed to a point where I said "I already answered this question...."   

[vanillacourage]

I would say something like "it's so sweet of you to put so much thought into this but Junior will be happy with any car you choose.  Unfortunately I've got a really busy week in front of me before the break so I can't help more with the selection process, but I'm sure whatever you pick out will be great!"

And then stop answering ANY more messages.  Think of it like training a puppy. 

[Deleted]

Tell her that this year for Christmas all you want is for her to just buy a present for your kids without any further questions.

[dana2006]

Dec 17, 2013 14:29:00 GMT -5 al dente said:

I can sympathize my H's grandma is like this. My H would do the ignoring route which did not work. I eventually acted even more useless then her. Basically anything she asked I would tell her I didn't know which is better and to choose herself. It seems to have worked because she doesn't contact me with questions anymore.

This might of been mean, but I have no patience for the same questions over and over.

This is evil genius!

I'm sorry fryjack. I would have snapped at her by now.

[Booze Raccoon]

Tell her "Do whatever is easiest for you."

[statlerwaldorf]

Oh man, I think my mom could be your MIL.  I would just tell her to have it shipped to her house.  I don't know that she would be offended, but if she's anything like my mom telling her to stop overthinking things would not actually accomplish anything.

Next year, I am only making a list of things readily available at Target.  My mom should be banned from online shopping.  She makes everything way too complicated.

[ECB]

Dec 17, 2013 14:31:25 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

And then stop answering ANY more messages.  Think of it like training a puppy. 

This is definitely a part of it too.  If you BOTH stop answering her all the time, she might be forced to make a decision on her own!

Good luck!

[shostakovich]

For Christmas next year, here is the wish list to send her:

Cash

[snickers]

Dec 17, 2013 14:31:25 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

I would say something like "it's so sweet of you to put so much thought into this but Junior will be happy with any car you choose.  Unfortunately I've got a really busy week in front of me before the break so I can't help more with the selection process, but I'm sure whatever you pick out will be great!"

And then stop answering ANY more messages.  Think of it like training a puppy. 

well said!
Otherwise, she will never learn lol

[ECB]

Dec 17, 2013 14:43:34 GMT -5 shostakovich said:

For Christmas next year, here is the wish list to send her:

Cash

How much?
What denomination?
New or old? 
Should I send it certified?

[Deleted]

Sounds like my mil exactly!!

[shostakovich]

Dec 17, 2013 14:48:53 GMT -5 ECB said:

Dec 17, 2013 14:43:34 GMT -5 shostakovich said:

For Christmas next year, here is the wish list to send her:

Cash

How much?
What denomination?
New or old? 
Should I send it certified?

Sorry fryjack2  

[Deleted]

Dec 17, 2013 14:17:46 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

@misoangry You hit the nail on the head. She has nothing else going on except her other grandchildren who she sees almost every weekend. She quit an activity because she anticipated spending more time here with us.  Um, no. We haven't invited you and have no plans to add visits.

We ignore 3 out of 5 emails she sends. Because they are all random crap we don't care about like telling us random neighbor got a new car and its blue. Great?

are you my SIL? the neighbor's blue car just turned on a light bulb as to why my mom never gets an email back

I'd just tell her the store doesn't care where they ship an item to, it's the same box, postage is the same, they need to ship it.  So send it to her house. 

[isabel]

My mom does this. Asks DH and I for lists and then proceeds to ask a million questions. Now that everything has been purchased she wants a daily update about which packages have arrived. I love that she wants to buy us things, but holy shit woman. I'm not sure it's worth it.

I think you're fine to gently tell her to stop overthinking and just do what she thinks makes the most sense.