“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
I hate when women use the word "mommy". Not as in when they are talking with their children. But when someone is talking to another adult and says something along the lines of, "I'm a mommy to three boys" it drives me nuts!
Yes. I will take this a point further and say that I get so irrationally angry when I hear an adult call their own parents "mommy or daddy". You should have outgrown that shit a long time ago.
You must not be in the south. It's "Daddy," no matter how old or what sex you are.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Yes. I will take this a point further and say that I get so irrationally angry when I hear an adult call their own parents "mommy or daddy". You should have outgrown that shit a long time ago.
You must not be in the south. It's "Daddy," no matter how old or what sex you are.
Maybe this is more of an irrational irritation than UO but I can't STAND how people use months for their baby's age after 12 months. I seriously saw someone refer to her toddler as 37 months old the other day. I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD THAT IS. Why can't you just say 2 or 2.5 or 3 years old? Why is everything 21.5 months old. 27 months old. 17.5 months old?
I feel so much better now. Phew.
Ha! I think two years should be the cutoff. I refer to DD as 17 months right now. There is a huge difference between 12 months, 15 months, 18 months, etc. I agree that 37 months is silly. DS is 3.5, and I'd have to think before I could tell you in months,
In line with this thinking, I have difficulty with something that is completely flammeable. Long story short, friends of ours lost their baby son in Feb 2011, so it will be 2yrs ago this coming Feb. It was and is completely tragic, and I completely understand it is not something one 'gets over'; and I can totally understand marking major anniversaries or indicating holidays are hard. But on their FB pages, both of them commemorate the day the child was born and the day of the death almost every month (e.g. 'it has been 1 yr 8mos since X brightened our lives and joined us' or '17mos ago today was the last time we saw X smile'), and nearly every single posting is about how they visit the grave or see a sign about their child. I will never, every say anything and I know everyone processes pain and loss differently. But it is both heartbreaking and irritating to see their lives still completely revolve around the loss and my first thought is always "please just move on" along with a mental slap to not think that way.
Poor you that you are saddled with irritation from how these parents (friends of yours?) mourn the tragic death of their child. How very difficult this must be for you to deal with.
Yeah, and I get that; that's why I said it's flammeable. But it's incredibly challenging to navigate. If we block or drop them because it's uncomfortable and heartbreaking to constantly see, we're clearly not good friends who support their loss and honor their strength. But they also keep many of their formerly good/close friends (like us) at a distance because we have young kids near their child's age and it's difficult for them to see/experience. And really, is there a time limit on this? And who decides that limit? And what would we do if heaven forbid we ever lost our son? I'm not proud of how I mentally respond to their posts, hence the UO.
ETA and FWIW, everyone in our circle does 'give them a pass' on this. No one says anything regarding their posts, it's just this painful thing to see them go through when all you want is to see them find something, anything that gives them a bit of peace.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Poor you that you are saddled with irritation from how these parents (friends of yours?) mourn the tragic death of their child. How very difficult this must be for you to deal with.
Yeah, and I get that; that's why I said it's flammeable. But it's incredibly challenging to navigate. If we block or drop them because it's uncomfortable and heartbreaking to constantly see, we're clearly not good friends who support their loss and honor their strength. But they also keep many of their formerly good/close friends (like us) at a distance because we have young kids near their child's age and it's difficult for them to see/experience. And really, is there a time limit on this? And who decides that limit? And what would we do if heaven forbid we ever lost our son? I'm not proud of how I mentally respond to their posts, hence the UO.
I am pretty sure you can hide their posts from popping up on your timeline.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Poor you that you are saddled with irritation from how these parents (friends of yours?) mourn the tragic death of their child. How very difficult this must be for you to deal with.
Yeah, and I get that; that's why I said it's flammeable. But it's incredibly challenging to navigate. If we block or drop them because it's uncomfortable and heartbreaking to constantly see, we're clearly not good friends who support their loss and honor their strength. But they also keep many of their formerly good/close friends (like us) at a distance because we have young kids near their child's age and it's difficult for them to see/experience. And really, is there a time limit on this? And who decides that limit? And what would we do if heaven forbid we ever lost our son? I'm not proud of how I mentally respond to their posts, hence the UO.
I get that, but if they are uncomfortable being around people with young kids (understandable), then why do you feel it is not okay with you being uncomfortable and wanting to block their heartbreak? Your feelings have just as much validity as theirs does. KWIM?
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Maybe this is more of an irrational irritation than UO but I can't STAND how people use months for their baby's age after 12 months. I seriously saw someone refer to her toddler as 37 months old the other day. I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD THAT IS. Why can't you just say 2 or 2.5 or 3 years old? Why is everything 21.5 months old. 27 months old. 17.5 months old?
In line with this thinking, I have difficulty with something that is completely flammeable. Long story short, friends of ours lost their baby son in Feb 2011, so it will be 2yrs ago this coming Feb. It was and is completely tragic, and I completely understand it is not something one 'gets over'; and I can totally understand marking major anniversaries or indicating holidays are hard. But on their FB pages, both of them commemorate the day the child was born and the day of the death almost every month (e.g. 'it has been 1 yr 8mos since X brightened our lives and joined us' or '17mos ago today was the last time we saw X smile'), and nearly every single posting is about how they visit the grave or see a sign about their child. I will never, every say anything and I know everyone processes pain and loss differently. But it is both heartbreaking and irritating to see their lives still completely revolve around the loss and my first thought is always "please just move on" along with a mental slap to not think that way.
I get that this would be hard to read all the time. But, to say it's irritating seems cold to me.
You must not be in the south. It's "Daddy," no matter how old or what sex you are.
No, I'm not. It's still weird.
Oh, I totally agree. It took a while to get used to. That and many other things. People refer to their youngest as the baby no matter what the age. "I carried the baby to the store to shop for her college textbooks."
Maybe this is more of an irrational irritation than UO but I can't STAND how people use months for their baby's age after 12 months. I seriously saw someone refer to her toddler as 37 months old the other day. I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD THAT IS. Why can't you just say 2 or 2.5 or 3 years old? Why is everything 21.5 months old. 27 months old. 17.5 months old?
I feel so much better now. Phew.
I don't get this either. I don't have children, but it's hard enough for me to keep up with my own age, lol.
In line with this thinking, I have difficulty with something that is completely flammeable. Long story short, friends of ours lost their baby son in Feb 2011, so it will be 2yrs ago this coming Feb. It was and is completely tragic, and I completely understand it is not something one 'gets over'; and I can totally understand marking major anniversaries or indicating holidays are hard. But on their FB pages, both of them commemorate the day the child was born and the day of the death almost every month (e.g. 'it has been 1 yr 8mos since X brightened our lives and joined us' or '17mos ago today was the last time we saw X smile'), and nearly every single posting is about how they visit the grave or see a sign about their child. I will never, every say anything and I know everyone processes pain and loss differently. But it is both heartbreaking and irritating to see their lives still completely revolve around the loss and my first thought is always "please just move on" along with a mental slap to not think that way.
I get that this would be hard to read all the time. But, to say it's irritating seems cold to me.
It's my hang-up; I don't like crying in public. I keep a calm face and lick my wounds in private. So seeing very public mourning (and partly because it has been for so long) is hard for me to digest. Yes, it's judgy and I have no right to assess the 'proper' amount of time to mourn, but I do know keep that judgement to myself (well, outside of here and in conversations with DH).
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Yeah, and I get that; that's why I said it's flammeable. But it's incredibly challenging to navigate. If we block or drop them because it's uncomfortable and heartbreaking to constantly see, we're clearly not good friends who support their loss and honor their strength. But they also keep many of their formerly good/close friends (like us) at a distance because we have young kids near their child's age and it's difficult for them to see/experience. And really, is there a time limit on this? And who decides that limit? And what would we do if heaven forbid we ever lost our son? I'm not proud of how I mentally respond to their posts, hence the UO.
I get that, but if they are uncomfortable being around people with young kids (understandable), then why do you feel it is not okay with you being uncomfortable and wanting to block their heartbreak? Your feelings have just as much validity as theirs does. KWIM?
I do get it, and that's why I don't say anything, outside of private comments with DH and this post. Just saying it is very hard to see and keep seeing, wishing things could be different for them and knowing they can't be, and their pain just isn't going away or diminishing at all.
Oh, I totally agree. It took a while to get used to. That and many other things. People refer to their youngest as the baby no matter what the age. "I carried the baby to the store to shop for her college textbooks."
I never picked up on the fact that the youngest is always the baby thing... but you're totally right. That's how my dad introduces me to any of his co-workers around town. And mom will reference me that way sometimes too. Not all the time though, and more so with acquaintances.
My dad is Daddy til the day one of us is I'm gone. But my mom is Momma. Mommy sounds... weird and super juvenile. I do pronounce it as "daddy" instead of "diddy" or "deddy".
Poor you that you are saddled with irritation from how these parents (friends of yours?) mourn the tragic death of their child. How very difficult this must be for you to deal with.
Yeah, and I get that; that's why I said it's flammeable. But it's incredibly challenging to navigate. If we block or drop them because it's uncomfortable and heartbreaking to constantly see, we're clearly not good friends who support their loss and honor their strength. But they also keep many of their formerly good/close friends (like us) at a distance because we have young kids near their child's age and it's difficult for them to see/experience. And really, is there a time limit on this? And who decides that limit? And what would we do if heaven forbid we ever lost our son? I'm not proud of how I mentally respond to their posts, hence the UO.
ETA and FWIW, everyone in our circle does 'give them a pass' on this. No one says anything regarding their posts, it's just this painful thing to see them go through when all you want is to see them find something, anything that gives them a bit of peace.
Cats should be allowed to roam outside at will. All of ours do except the declawed one we inherited from the kids' teacher, and even she likes to sit on the front porch .
I love cats. Cannot have them because H is allergic.
The issue I have with roaming cats is that we have one in the neighborhood who kills things and we find various dead bunnies and birds in our backyard. I was lucky enough to even have my dog find one before I did and roll all around in it. The cat also pees on my doormat which I have to throw away since cat piss is impossible to get out. Andplusalso, the other day, I let my dog out (not realizing a cat was in my backyard), and he almost caught this damn cat. He did get a mouthful of fur. I am hoping he didn't hurt the poor guy.
So, as a cat owner, who lets her cats roam, as long as you're going to your neighbors' yards and cleaning up any aftermath that your animals may cause and are okay if your cat is maimed by a dog, then, cool, let them roam.
Hmmm. This is something I've never felt guilty about before, but I've never cleaned up carnage in my neighbors' yards, and I'm sure there has been some. My cats have always been outdoor cats (one decided on her own to stay in) but after one being killed by a car, one being gotten by a coyote, and a third almost recovered from being hit by two cars, I'm trying to keep mine in now, and they were very unhappy at the beginning. They seem to have adjusted, but I'm really trying to enforce it for the winter, and I figure I'll see what happens in the spring. Both boys think I'm being overly cruel to cats who are used to being outside, but I felt terribly guilty when the most recent injury resulted in a nearly week-long hospital stay. I'm dowm to three from six cats, and if I have indoor cats I can start feeding the birds again. I stopped feeding birds once we were over two cats, so it's been a while.
I digress, though. My UO is that I cannot stand the "which accessory should I buy?" posts. Buy the one you like better! How do we know which color you should get? What size you need? Which logo is nicer? Just make a decision. The "does this dress look good on me?" posts do not but me nearly as much.
I get that, but if they are uncomfortable being around people with young kids (understandable), then why do you feel it is not okay with you being uncomfortable and wanting to block their heartbreak? Your feelings have just as much validity as theirs does. KWIM?
I do get it, and that's why I don't say anything, outside of private comments with DH and this post. Just saying it is very hard to see and keep seeing, wishing things could be different for them and knowing they can't be, and their pain just isn't going away or diminishing at all.
I think you should just block the timeline without any feelings of excessive guilt.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I don't think I can own a dog or cat again, even though I LOVED having them. It grosses me out that nothing is covering their butt hole and they hang out on furniture or slide their butt across the floor. Little pieces of feces could be everywhere is all I can think about when they sit down with their tail hanging out behind them.
I love cats. Cannot have them because H is allergic.
The issue I have with roaming cats is that we have one in the neighborhood who kills things and we find various dead bunnies and birds in our backyard. I was lucky enough to even have my dog find one before I did and roll all around in it. The cat also pees on my doormat which I have to throw away since cat piss is impossible to get out. Andplusalso, the other day, I let my dog out (not realizing a cat was in my backyard), and he almost caught this damn cat. He did get a mouthful of fur. I am hoping he didn't hurt the poor guy.
So, as a cat owner, who lets her cats roam, as long as you're going to your neighbors' yards and cleaning up any aftermath that your animals may cause and are okay if your cat is maimed by a dog, then, cool, let them roam.
Hmmm. This is something I've never felt guilty about before, but I've never cleaned up carnage in my neighbors' yards, and I'm sure there has been some. My cats have always been outdoor cats (one decided on her own to stay in) but after one being killed by a car, one being gotten by a coyote, and a third almost recovered from being hit by two cars, I'm trying to keep mine in now, and they were very unhappy at the beginning. They seem to have adjusted, but I'm really trying to enforce it for the winter, and I figure I'll see what happens in the spring. Both boys think I'm being overly cruel to cats who are used to being outside, but I felt terribly guilty when the most recent injury resulted in a nearly week-long hospital stay. I'm dowm to three from six cats, and if I have indoor cats I can start feeding the birds again. I stopped feeding birds once we were over two cats, so it's been a while.
It took all that for you to decide to keep your cats in?? Someone call animal CPS.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg