My sister makes Oreo balls every Christmas, and it occurred to me this year that they are basically cake pops w/o a stick. She did cake pops before they were cool!
I went to a cookie exchange recently and someone made oreo balls (on a stick) and they were SO MUSHY inside. Like, wet and squishy. It was gross.
Yeah, but at least these are dead. Full circle (of life).
Kevin is killing me!
I should say it's large dogs I'm done with. Give me a little dog that I can easily bring to the kennel and I can deal. I'm done with the 80lb shedding, hyper dogs. I feel guilty typing that.
I agree that everyone needs to grieve in their own way and their own time.
That said, I have someone on my FB feed who lost a daughter about ten years ago; she died immediately after birth. I feel terrible for him and his wife. However, they now have another daughter, who is very young, four or five; and every year they make a cake and have a macabre little birthday party for the daughter who died, and I can't even imagine how this is impacting their living daughter.
It only seems macabre on the outside. To that family, they're just celebrating another member of the family, who isn't there. I don't think my SIL's kids are being shorted in any way by having this be something they talk about openly.
I'm getting upset by all of this, but I'm also not sure if we're all talking about the same thing, like grieving vs grieving on FB or whatever. Ugh.
H had a little sister that died in infancy. Knowing about her and celebrating her life, no matter how short didn't have an impact on him or his brother.
I hate when women use the word "mommy". Not as in when they are talking with their children. But when someone is talking to another adult and says something along the lines of, "I'm a mommy to three boys" it drives me nuts!
Yes. I will take this a point further and say that I get so irrationally angry when I hear an adult call their own parents "mommy or daddy". You should have outgrown that shit a long time ago.
my old boss was talking to her 24 year old son on the phone once and I heard her say "okay just call Daddy and ask him to do that" I almost died. Daddy? WTF
I love both cats and dogs. I just don't have time for a dog right now. And my cats think they are dogs, so it's a win-win. (They play fetch, greet me at the door, try to steal my food.)
Yeah, I guess I kinda sorta haven't really owned a dog either. I mean, does Bailey even count?
He is like the best of both cats and dogs in one little package.
Same here. My dogs are basically like indoor cats, but they're canine. I'm allergic to cats, but I have small dogs that are pad trained and only go out for walks for exercise, so........................
Yeah, I guess I kinda sorta haven't really owned a dog either. I mean, does Bailey even count?
He is like the best of both cats and dogs in one little package.
Little dogs and big dogs are completely different. I used to love big dogs, was neutral about cats and hated little dogs.
Now I love cats, love small dogs and I'm done with large dogs. My dogs have always been indoors though so that's what makes it hard. Most people where I am out in the country keep big dogs outside 100% of the time and I'd never do that.
Can we go back to the Jennifer Lawrence love that someone brought up on page 3 or so? I like JL but WTF is the obsession with "OMG she's so down to earth! She said she hates exercise!" That stupid quote of hers on Pintrest that I see every damn day about how she can lay on the couch for 15 hours and watch tv and how she hates people who exercise is total bullshit. I thought we hated those kind of girls? I do. " I look this good but really, I don't even try!"
I should say it's large dogs I'm done with. Give me a little dog that I can easily bring to the kennel and I can deal. I'm done with the 80lb shedding, hyper dogs. I feel guilty typing that.
Big dog people and small dog people tend to be two tooootaaallllyyy different kinds of people. I am big dog people. Anything under 25ish pounds kind of startles me. My mom has a little 6 pound dog that always wants me to hold her and I am like "There is nothing to hold! You are the size of a ball of socks! What do I even do with you!?"
However, they now have another daughter, who is very young, four or five; and every year they make a cake and have a macabre little birthday party for the daughter who died, and I can't even imagine how this is impacting their living daughter.
I know someone who does this. I was going to bring it up here so many times but was afraid of being flamed. She had a daughter who was stillborn and now 6 years later still have birthday parties. She has two other daughters who are older and I do wonder how it impacts them. I'm not super close to the girl so I'd never say anything but I was told that family members and even her husband wants to stop the parties every year. Apparently the one daughter started crying while singing happy birthday to the daughter who died and said, "I don't want to do this anymore. It makes mommy so sad." The whole thing is just sad. It may be flameful but for the sake of the kids, I wish the mom would stop the birthdays and just do a quiet grieve of her own.
H had a little sister that died in infancy. Knowing about her and celebrating her life, no matter how short didn't have an impact on him or his brother.
I think you're misunderstanding my post.
I actually read your follow-up to Quesera after I posted, and I think we agree more than we disagree.
However, they now have another daughter, who is very young, four or five; and every year they make a cake and have a macabre little birthday party for the daughter who died, and I can't even imagine how this is impacting their living daughter.
I know someone who does this. I was going to bring it up here so many times but was afraid of being flamed. She had a daughter who was stillborn and now 6 years later they have a birthday party for her. She has two other daughters who are older and I do wonder how it impacts them. I'm not super close to the girl so I'd never say anything but I was told that family members and even her husband wants to stop the parties every year. Apparently the one daughter said started crying one year while singing happy birthday to the daughter who died and said, "I don't want to do this anymore. It makes mommmy so sad." The whole thing is just sad. It may be flameful but for the sake of the kids, I wish the mom would stop the birthdays and just do a quiet grieve of her own.
My coworker keeps telling everyone he has 5 kids but he only has 4. 1 died. It makes for uncomfortable conversations when people finally find out.... like when I did. I felt bad for saying he had 5 kids.
I think this is completely different, though. When people ask me how many siblings I have, I count my deceased brother (who died in adulthood). I've never lost a child, but I think I would count a deceased child if I were asked for a number.
My coworker keeps telling everyone he has 5 kids but he only has 4. 1 died. It makes for uncomfortable conversations when people finally find out.... like when I did. I felt bad for saying he had 5 kids.
I think this is completely different, though. When people ask me how many siblings I have, I count my deceased brother (who died in adulthood). I've never lost a child, but I think I would count a deceased child if I were asked for a number.
Ugh this is the worst. Mainly because for some reason when I tell people I have 4 brothers, the first thing they ask is how old everyone is. I don't know why! So I've sometimes just said 3 to avoid this conversation, and I feel awful doing it
I think this is completely different, though. When people ask me how many siblings I have, I count my deceased brother (who died in adulthood). I've never lost a child, but I think I would count a deceased child if I were asked for a number.
Ugh this is the worst. Mainly because for some reason when I tell people I have 4 brothers, the first thing they ask is how old everyone is. I don't know why! So I've sometimes just said 3 to avoid this conversation, and I feel awful doing it
That's why I count him! It makes me even worse when I don't!
Now this is bizarre. I could maybe see this being less than odd if they didn't have another child. But they do. And that definitely makes it weird.
So after they have another child they are supposed to stop acknowledging that the first one existed? It's not like the living child erases the grief of the one that died.
Yes. That's totally what I said. Of course they don't stop acknowledging the first one existed. If I lost my child, I would grieve that child's loss the rest of my life. But having a full-on birthday party for the deceased child just strikes me like they're having a funeral every year for someone who isn't there. Maybe it's a happy event for them. Different strokes for different folks, I guess, and everyone is free to grieve however they please. To me, it just seems so sad to do that, and I would be curious as to what they tell their younger child about it. I would think a small child would be confused by what was going on.
Maybe this is more of an irrational irritation than UO but I can't STAND how people use months for their baby's age after 12 months. I seriously saw someone refer to her toddler as 37 months old the other day. I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD THAT IS. Why can't you just say 2 or 2.5 or 3 years old? Why is everything 21.5 months old. 27 months old. 17.5 months old?
I feel so much better now. Phew.
My sister's baby is 11 months old. She still refers to his age in weeks. Yes.
Maybe this is more of an irrational irritation than UO but I can't STAND how people use months for their baby's age after 12 months. I seriously saw someone refer to her toddler as 37 months old the other day. I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD THAT IS. Why can't you just say 2 or 2.5 or 3 years old? Why is everything 21.5 months old. 27 months old. 17.5 months old?
I feel so much better now. Phew.
My sister's baby is 11 months old. She still refers to his age in weeks. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I lost track of weeks after DD was 2 months old. Too much math in my head on not enough sleep.
I know someone who does this. I was going to bring it up here so many times but was afraid of being flamed. She had a daughter who was stillborn and now 6 years later they have a birthday party for her. She has two other daughters who are older and I do wonder how it impacts them. I'm not super close to the girl so I'd never say anything but I was told that family members and even her husband wants to stop the parties every year. Apparently the one daughter said started crying one year while singing happy birthday to the daughter who died and said, "I don't want to do this anymore. It makes mommmy so sad." The whole thing is just sad. It may be flameful but for the sake of the kids, I wish the mom would stop the birthdays and just do a quiet grieve of her own.
oh good, second hand gossip and grief shaming
WTF? It's not gossip first of all. And second nobody is shaming this girl. Her husband wants to stop it and she doesn't. Family members don't want to be invited to the birthday anymore but nobody has the heart to not go. Her kids don't want to do the birthdays anymore. So that's the dilemma. What do you do? It seems like the only happy medium, if you could even call it that is for the mom to grieve on her own and not make everyone else join her. I honestly don't know what else could be done. The whole thing is just sad.
WTF? It's not gossip first of all. And second nobody is shaming this girl. Her husband wants to stop it and she doesn't. Family members don't want to be invited to the birthday anymore but nobody has the heart to not go. Her kids don't want to do the birthdays anymore. So that's the dilemma. What do you do? It seems like the only happy medium, if you could even call it that is for the mom to grieve on her own and not make everyone else join her. I honestly don't know what else could be done. The whole thing is just sad.
I know someone who does this. I was going to bring it up here so many times but was afraid of being flamed. She had a daughter who was stillborn and now 6 years later they have a birthday party for her. She has two other daughters who are older and I do wonder how it impacts them. I'm not super close to the girl so I'd never say anything but I was told that family members and even her husband wants to stop the parties every year. Apparently the one daughter said started crying one year while singing happy birthday to the daughter who died and said, "I don't want to do this anymore. It makes mommmy so sad." The whole thing is just sad. It may be flameful but for the sake of the kids, I wish the mom would stop the birthdays and just do a quiet grieve of her own.
I'm not super close to the girl but I am to the family. It's not gossip, lady. Accept that! The only one who wants to do these parties is mom. So then it becomes a question of whose method of grieving trumps whose? Is it okay to force or guilt someone into grieving in the manner that you see fit for yourself? What about the feelings of dad and the kids. It's their loss too.
Also, dad had tried to get family to stage kind of an intervention with the mother and nobody would touch that with a 10 foot pole. So it becomes a point of contention in their house every year. Again, I feel sorry for the dad and the kids because their feelings matter too.
WTF? It's not gossip first of all. And second nobody is shaming this girl. Her husband wants to stop it and she doesn't. Family members don't want to be invited to the birthday anymore but nobody has the heart to not go. Her kids don't want to do the birthdays anymore. So that's the dilemma. What do you do? It seems like the only happy medium, if you could even call it that is for the mom to grieve on her own and not make everyone else join her. I honestly don't know what else could be done. The whole thing is just sad.
I know someone who does this. I was going to bring it up here so many times but was afraid of being flamed. She had a daughter who was stillborn and now 6 years later they have a birthday party for her. She has two other daughters who are older and I do wonder how it impacts them. I'm not super close to the girl so I'd never say anything but ***I was told*** that family members and even her husband wants to stop the parties every year. Apparently the one daughter said started crying one year while singing happy birthday to the daughter who died and said, "I don't want to do this anymore. It makes mommmy so sad." The whole thing is just sad. It may be flameful but for the sake of the kids, I wish the mom would stop the birthdays and just do a quiet grieve of her own.
but okay.
And the best part, "I was told."
Apparently I need to read up on the definition of "gossip" again.
I was told by family. These people are family who I'm close to. The person I'm not super close to is the mom because I'm not related to her. I'm related to the dad. These aren't like interweb friends for fuck's sake. It's family. I know which I speak. Jeebus.