Kids' birthdays where you are (and an IL vent)

[crimsonandclover]

Are kids' birthdays celebrated where you are? With friends? Just with family? Are they a big deal? Starting at what age if they are?

Let me say first that I'm not a big birthday person. I haven't had a birthday celebration (besides with just my parents/brother or later DH and I) for myself since I was 16.

DH's family, on the other hand, has a birthday party every single year. It's not a huge celebration, but all family members who can make it are expected to be there. Since DH has 3 brothers, that means 6 parties / year (one for each parent and one for each brother). Now that 3 DILs are in the mix, we have sometimes combined birthday "celebrations."

DD1's birthday is only 9 days after MIL's. So last year when MIL invited us over to celebrate on the weekend after her birthday, DH suggested that we make it a combined celebration for DD1. She agreed. At the party, not a single word was mentioned about DD1's birthday. MIL got a candle in front of her place at the table (tradition for the person celebrating), but DD1 did not. We sang the traditional birthday song for MIL but there was no mention of it being for DD1, too. Afterwards I mentioned this all to DH, and he said he had forgotten it was also supposed to be for DD1. Oh well. Not a huge deal, just seemed like a strange oversight to me, forgetting to celebrate your first granddaughter's birthday.

Then when they were here for Christmas we were saying how we would probably invite the family over in February for a combined celebration since DD2 and DH's birthdays are both in Feb. MIL misunderstood and thought I meant only a celebration for DD2. She gave me a funny look and said, "Well, I don't think... I mean... I guess if you invite us we'll come, but..."

Now, they give presents to the girls for their birthdays, which is all fine and good, but honestly, I would rather they didn't give presents and did think it was important to celebrate with their presence. Why is it ok to have a celebration for the adults and not for the kids? Ok, DD2 is still so young she'll never remember, but DD1 definitely understands stuff like that now.

Am I just being weird about this? Do your ILs (or your own parents) ignore kids' birthdays other than sending/giving them a present?

[blushing]

Missing DS's birthday is one of the things that kill my parents and IL's about us living oversea's. In SA we would celebrate it with a family celebration on the day, no matter what age. And they would usually then come to the birthday party on the weekend. Now they send gifts and we Skype where they sing happy birthday and DS open's his gift from them, in front of them.

For DS and parties, for his first,second and third birthday, we just had some friends round with their LO's and had cake and tea. Kind of like a playdate with food. For his fourth we had a proper birthday party with kids from preschool. Fifth we were in SA on holiday so we just had a family funday with grandparents and aunties and my mom decorated the house for him and baked a cake. For his sixth (last week), we had a proper party again.

[irish]

Kids birthdays are always marked here! Often just family (extended if they are around). Adults not always marked... Depends on the celebrant!

Friends of ours invited everyone to their son's first and second birthday party. To me this is pointless for the birthday person - they haven't got a clue! And you can't go without a gift, even if it's a token gift...

Dd1 got invited to a third birthday party recently which makes more sense - birthday girl had a few friends around and they all knew what was going on... We might do the same for dd1 in March, if she asks

[mrsukyankee]

Adults are less important than kids. Much! We do celebrate birthdays with my ILs but that's because they aren't into Christmas so it's the only gift giving celebration they have.

[CakeLover]

I have to say I find it a bit odd that your MIL is so amped up for a birthday party for herself. If she's turning a milestone birthday I can understand but it doesn't sound like it. Why is it all about her? I agree with you, its odd.

The kids birthdays are important. They usually get a phone call from their grandmas and my MIL tries to send a card at least. It usually has money in it. So she tries.

[anna7602]

Your MIL sounds weird. My parents flew over to France for both of DD's birthdays there and my ILs flew over for the second birthday she celebrated there (couldn't come for the first one due to a family emergency). both sets have traveled to attend all the NY birthdays DD had. My parents and ILs are from two completely different cultures, but kids' birthdays are a big deal to both.

Adult birthdays are a bigger deal in my family than in DH's. but they would never overshadow a kid's birthday.

[anna7602]

Dec 29, 2013 5:29:52 GMT -5 irish said:

Dd1 got invited to a third birthday party recently which makes more sense - birthday girl had a few friends around and they all knew what was going on... We might do the same for dd1 in March, if she asks

DD was in school by her third birthday and she really wanted to invite her whole preschool class. It was crazy, but a lot of fun. We moved to France 6 months later and for a long time, this party was one of her favorite NY memories. I still have the pink paint smeared on part of my sofa from the maraca-painting activity I had for the kids!

[irish]

Dec 30, 2013 21:51:46 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Dec 29, 2013 5:29:52 GMT -5 irish said:

Dd1 got invited to a third birthday party recently which makes more sense - birthday girl had a few friends around and they all knew what was going on... We might do the same for dd1 in March, if she asks

DD was in school by her third birthday and she really wanted to invite her whole preschool class. It was crazy, but a lot of fun. We moved to France 6 months later and for a long time, this party was one of her favorite NY memories. I still have the pink paint smeared on part of my sofa from the maraca-painting activity I had for the kids!

I was in the car with her yesterday and she started to tell me what food she was going to have for her party. I asked what party and she said her party in March! She knows her birthday is in March... Had the guest list in her mind too. We'll def have that party now :-)