**bullygirl979**

[bullygirl979]

Cause I suck.....Yeah, that is all I got.

I get very introspective and it takes me a while to process things. I know it sounds very stupid but I don't feel strong enough yet. He has been in my life for over a year at I really thought at one point that we had a long term future together. I need to make sure that I can walk away and stay away.

Things haven't been great lately so it isn't like he will be blindsided. We have had several very open discussions about taking a break.

But yeah, I just suck.

[bullygirl979]

Thanks, I really appreciate it. No one IRL knows what is going on so hearing from my SO board is really helping.

I think the anticipation is helping me get closure in a way. I think it is mentally preparing me for what will come and what I need to do. I put on a tough front but I am freakin marshmallow inside. I will be a hot mess for a while but I know that I need to walk it to get to the other side.

[callunafirefly]

May 14, 2012 12:21:04 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Thanks, I really appreciate it. No one IRL knows what is going on so hearing from my SO board is really helping.

I think the anticipation is helping me get closure in a way. I think it is mentally preparing me for what will come and what I need to do. I put on a tough front but I am freakin marshmallow inside. I will be a hot mess for a while but I know that I need to walk it to get to the other side.

The thing that sucks about this (for him) is, as you are starting your healing, he will just be starting when you finally do it, so you'll be at different places. I agree - you should do it sooner rather than later.

[bullygirl979]

I know and I am not arguing this fact. I am not being fair to him by prolonging it or pretending.

[Deleted]

Ohhh no (butting in) - you did decide to break it off? Because of the relationship or because of the deployment? Or both?

HUGS icon.

[bullygirl979]

May 14, 2012 12:28:38 GMT -5 doglove said:

Ohhh no (butting in) - you did decide to break it off? Because of the relationship or because of the deployment? Or both?

HUGS icon.

Thanks, DL. Yeah...I did

Um....something came up that bottom line I couldn't deal with for the next 40 years of my life. I deserve more and I deserve better. I think it is for the best though, because I am not sure that I could have dealt with the deployment. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason.

[Deleted]

That's hard, sorry to hear. Remember achase posted that saying a few weeks ago about the things we leave behind? I can't remember the quote, but it reminds me of a lot of my life. Leaving things behind for better things in life.

[bullygirl979]

Bree said this too which I like:

"just think.. you are one step closer to meeting someone that is right for you!"