Update to the MIL drama

[tulip]

Background

pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=ml&action=display&thread=24648

MIL finally called H she now is having a health scare. Whatever. It's BS I'm pretty sure, sorry I sound heartless & flippant. I'm not usually.

He confronted her about what she said. She denied everything. She even said that my father is "weird" & he was sitting in the car during the party. My Dad is weird, he was in the car because that was were his dental floss was. He was flossing his teeth, he is OCD about his teeth.

I'm not shocked by her denial, I'm still done & I do believe my friend & her H. They don't know MIL & have no reason to make this up.

H wants to get as far from her as possible (which we are doing by moving). He is totally freaked out that she denied the whole thing. The comment about his Dad she has said to him before, but he never told me & she never said it to me.

I'm not educated in mental health but I have looked into Narcissistic Personality Disorder and she kind of fits the profile.

I'm not sure what we will do or go from here but I'm still done with her.

[tulip]

Fuck. MIL just sent H a text she is down the street & wants to come over to set the record straight. WTF

He said no, I said if she shows up I'm calling the Police. Damn.

[broc]

Can yougo out for froyo or something real.quick?

Whatever you do, do not open the door to her.

[HiC]

why not let her in and the two of you say what you need to say to her?

[tulip]

No. She is trying to control this like everything else. I am not feeding into her crazy, she can't just come over here because she is in the area.

I know she is lying. People don't go around making up the shit storm that came out of her mouth.

I have nothing to say to her, she isn't my mother & after the years of her treating me like shit I'm done.

But seriously, I can call the Cops right? I know nothing about the legal system.

[BlackCanary]

Jul 2, 2012 18:59:48 GMT -5 tulip said:

But seriously, I can call the Cops right? I know nothing about the legal system.

I think so. If she refuses to leave, she would technically be trespassing. At least I think so...

Edit: Ok, I checked with DH (he's a 911 operator). He says you can call, but them refusing would not be considered trespassing. If you had documentation saying it would, then yes, it would be trespassing.

[Deleted]

Omg. I'm getting all heated about your situation because it's pretty much the same drama I have to deal with regarding my mil, even down to causing drama at my kids birthday party.

God damn crazy MILs.

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 19:12:23 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

Omg. I'm getting all heated about your situation because it's pretty much the same drama I have to deal with regarding my mil, even down to causing drama at my kids birthday party.

God damn crazy MILs.

I hate her. I finally said it. She DENIAD it. WTF?!? How do you denial that? (sorry I can't spell)

Like my friends are out to get her. Really?!?

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 19:14:03 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Tulip, your MIL makes me super stabby. How far away are you? Want me to come over and play Smack-A-Bitch with her? I'm pretty good at it.

I'm in Texas. I'm about to bring crazy to crazy. It didn't have to be this way. I'm a nice person but she has never shown me respect. Never.

[tulip]

Disclaimer: I opened a bottle of wine & I'm on my second glass. I'm not white trash, this seems trashy to be contemplating calling the cops on my MIL. My parents are good people. I swear. I'm crying because I just can't understand why we can't live our lives without this shit.

[frauschmindy]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I have definitely gotten some similar shit from my MIL (to this day she cannot understand why I don't want to hang out with her all of the time) and I know how frustrating it is.

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 19:12:23 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

Omg. I'm getting all heated about your situation because it's pretty much the same drama I have to deal with regarding my mil, even down to causing drama at my kids birthday party.

God damn crazy MILs.

But what do you about it? Do you have any advice for me? Do I allow the crazy to keep on?

Is it okay to cut her off from me & my child? Not my H. I can't & will not tell him what to do.

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 20:19:05 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Hit man.

Problem solved. YWIA.

I kid. Sorta.

Bhahahaja.

I'm actually afraid this is what she will do to me. I'm not kidding.

[flex]

Take karate classes. Then you could go all black belt on her ass.

I'm not kidding.

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 20:44:19 GMT -5 flex said:

Take karate classes. Then you could go all black belt on her ass.

I'm not kidding.

How many 30 year old women start this? I am not in shape & not athletic... Are you a black belt? Would I be too old & fat? Is that okay?

[tulip]

Okay she never showed up, she sent H another text. She wants me to prepare for her call tomorrow. H told her calling me isn't a good idea. She won't listen, I'll deal with her & her crazy tomorrow.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2012 20:15:45 GMT -5 tulip said:

Jul 2, 2012 19:12:23 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

Omg. I'm getting all heated about your situation because it's pretty much the same drama I have to deal with regarding my mil, even down to causing drama at my kids birthday party.

God damn crazy MILs.

But what do you about it? Do you have any advice for me? Do I allow the crazy to keep on?

Is it okay to cut her off from me & my child? Not my H. I can't & will not tell him what to do.

Well, she isn't really welcome in my house because of some bullshit she pulled during my kids birthday party. She completely disrespected me and made my DDs first birthday about her( well, tried anyway. Didn't succeed). She caused drama at my baby shower too.

We don't go over to her house because it's fucking filthy. Dog piss and shit just hanging out on the carpets and she doesn't do a damn thing about it. Shes bsc, dude. My husband told her we would bring our dd over to her place after she cleaned the carpets. She doesn't seem to care too much.

We basically just ignore her because if we confront her about her bullshit she will deny until she is blue in the face. She also has a knack for turning everything around to try and make us look like the crazy ones and tries to pull some guilt trip crap. I don't really have any advice because if your mil is anything like mine, which is sounds like she is, nothing you do will make a difference. We just ignore her and keep our distance.

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 21:29:37 GMT -5 Que? said:

Jul 2, 2012 19:52:46 GMT -5 @frauschmindy said:

Ugh, I'm sorry. I have definitely gotten some similar shit from my MIL (to this day she cannot understand why I don't want to hang out with her all of the time) and I know how frustrating it is.

Oh sweetie, don't let this bitch make you cry. Ftr, I think you handle her perfectly. You don't buy into her bullshit and you and your H aren't fighting about her. You aren't looking for drama and she just keeps trying to bring it. You can't help that she's whacked.

We have no relationship with my mil. I was like you and declared myself done and my H eventually stopped speaking with her too.

I get what you mean when you say it didn't have to be this way. I really wanted my mil to like me in the beginning. I tried and she took advantage of how eager and impressionable I was at the time. I finally grew up and saw her true colors. I'm a reasonable person but I have limits like everyone else. You won't have to deal with her much soon, just keep reminding yourself of that.

I'm trying. I just keep thinking with my ex before H his mother & I got along. We went to eat, shopping even antiquing hours away together. We still talk on FB. I'm not a difficult person I have a group of friends & we have a great no drama time.

MIL is something I just have never handled before. I'm sitting here just shocked by what she thought would happen. She open this all up with her mouth to my friends.

MIL has a bunch of friends & I'm sure they will start calling H & I. What MIL doesn't get is I & H don't give a flying fuck what they think of us.

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 21:53:04 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

Jul 2, 2012 20:15:45 GMT -5 tulip said:

But what do you about it? Do you have any advice for me? Do I allow the crazy to keep on?

Is it okay to cut her off from me & my child? Not my H. I can't & will not tell him what to do.

Well, she isn't really welcome in my house because of some bullshit she pulled during my kids birthday party. She completely disrespected me and made my DDs first birthday about her( well, tried anyway. Didn't succeed). She caused drama at my baby shower too.

We don't go over to her house because it's fucking filthy. Dog piss and shit just hanging out on the carpets and she doesn't do a damn thing about it. Shes bsc, dude. My husband told her we would bring our dd over to her place after she cleaned the carpets. She doesn't seem to care too much.

We basically just ignore her because if we confront her about her bullshit she will deny until she is blue in the face. She also has a knack for turning everything around to try and make us look like the crazy ones and tries to pull some guilt trip crap. I don't really have any advice because if your mil is anything like mine, which is sounds like she is, nothing you do will make a difference. We just ignore her and keep our distance.

Except for the animal crap they are twins. My baby shower was a nightmare & every event from my wedding to this birthday party has been the MIL show. The crap they pull I just don't get it.

Thanks for sharing & making me feel I'm not alone on the crazy train.

[tulip]

Jul 2, 2012 21:56:58 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

I would prepare by unplugging the phone. Walla!

I told H I was prepared to call AT&T & block her ass.

[Deleted]

I should introduce my batshit crazy MIL to yours and they can be best friends, and turn their crazy on each other.

[ECB]

Jul 2, 2012 20:15:45 GMT -5 tulip said:

Is it okay to cut her off from me & my child? Not my H. I can't & will not tell him what to do.

It sounds like your DH isn't too far behind you. But while I understand you don't want to tell him what to do- you do need to be on the same page. Does he fully understand where you're at, and is he cool w/ it?

Again, while your DH seems to be more on your side with this, I just think of the many situations I've read here where the wife cuts off the MIL, but the DH hasn't and he in turn wants to go visit his mom and he feels she has a "right" to see his kids... and it becomes a battle with the wife.

See what I mean? This is why I say you and your DH do need ot talk about this and just be on the same page so that there are no surprises down the road.

[tulip]

Jul 3, 2012 8:08:45 GMT -5 ECB said:

Jul 2, 2012 20:15:45 GMT -5 tulip said:

Is it okay to cut her off from me & my child? Not my H. I can't & will not tell him what to do.

It sounds like your DH isn't too far behind you. But while I understand you don't want to tell him what to do- you do need to be on the same page. Does he fully understand where you're at, and is he cool w/ it?

Again, while your DH seems to be more on your side with this, I just think of the many situations I've read here where the wife cuts off the MIL, but the DH hasn't and he in turn wants to go visit his mom and he feels she has a "right" to see his kids... and it becomes a battle with the wife.

See what I mean? This is why I say you and your DH do need ot talk about this and just be on the same page so that there are no surprises down the road.

We talked last night & he understands why I can't have her around me & DD.

He said we are moving & then he is done with her. She said something that hurt & disturbed him deeply right before FIL died. He came home furious & wanted to cut her off then. I was an idiot and told him that it was a highly emotional time & he needed to wait.

He is in shock that she denied the whole context of what she said. H also pointed out that since she lied over this we can't trust her with our child. Ever.

But this is his Mother so I can't tell him what to do. When it comes to DD he gives me full control on this issue. He knows I won't back down or give in, I'm not worried about it at this time.

[Deleted]

wow. i'm glad you and your husband are on the same page. and that you get the whole "it's his mom and going to be hard for him" angle. looks like you're in a good place right now.

[tulip]

Jul 3, 2012 8:28:54 GMT -5 cville said:

wow. i'm glad you and your husband are on the same page. and that you get the whole "it's his mom and going to be hard for him" angle. looks like you're in a good place right now.

I hope so. I just never thought I would have this issue. I feel for MIL she is all alone but I can't keep putting up with this behavior. She has zero respect for me, treats my family like they are dirt, & completely dismiss all our decisions.

It's hard to explain how she treats us. My stance is I don't want my child to see her parents putting up with it & being treated that way.

I'm thankful H is on my side, too be fair to him he has always said she was a whack job. Poor guy.

[partiallysunny]

Ugh, what a shitty situation. When are you moving?

[Deleted]

it sounds like you're flexible enough in your thinking that IF (big if) in the future there is a massive change on her part, or you feel confident enough that your kid is mature enough and has a good solid sense of self and family, that your stance COULD change, maybe.

i think that even if the action and result is the same, there's something qualitatively different between "i am DONE for lyfe" and "i am DONE with who this person is now, for as long as they remain that person." for the person making the break, you know? that it's less an expression of will and more an expression of what you are and aren't willing to accept for yourself.

[ECB]

Jul 3, 2012 8:38:27 GMT -5 tulip said:

I feel for MIL she is all alone but I can't keep putting up with this behavior. She has zero respect for me, treats my family like they are dirt, & completely dismiss all our decisions.

It's hard to explain how she treats us. My stance is I don't want my child to see her parents putting up with it & being treated that way.

But are you really surprised she's alone? You can't treat people like this and expect people to want to be around you!

And no need to defend your stance - being a "parent" doesn't make a person perfect.

[tulip]

Jul 3, 2012 8:41:46 GMT -5 ECB said:

Jul 3, 2012 8:38:27 GMT -5 tulip said:

I feel for MIL she is all alone but I can't keep putting up with this behavior. She has zero respect for me, treats my family like they are dirt, & completely dismiss all our decisions.

It's hard to explain how she treats us. My stance is I don't want my child to see her parents putting up with it & being treated that way.

But are you really surprised she's alone? You can't treat people like this and expect people to want to be around you!

And no need to defend your stance - being a "parent" doesn't make a person perfect.

No I'm not surprised, but she does have a bunch of friends. She can obviously be a lovely person to be around.

I'm sorry if I sounded like I'm perfect or trying to be perfect. I'm not & I know it!! I just don't want DD to ever think that it's okay to let anyone treat her this way.

[tulip]

Jul 3, 2012 8:40:05 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

Ugh, what a shitty situation. When are you moving?

As soon as this house sells. It isn't even on the market yet. I've been making calls all morning trying to get the ball rolling it's a Holiday week, I'll just have to wait I guess.