Am I being a petty brat?

[secretme]

H didn't do anything for my birthday. No dinner/present/card, not even an e-card. I didn't care about the present/dinner thing, but the lack of a card kind of annoyed me. He shot off a "happy birthday, babe" on the way out the door in the morning. Eh. His mom was staying with us for like 2 months while she waited to move into her new place (which was FUN, let me tell you) so I guess that distracted him? I dunno. Anyway.

So his mom's birthday is this weekend. He's been talking about it for the last week, what he's going to get her, how he wants to make sure she feels special/pampered. He got her a massage at a local spa as well as a mani/pedi. He just called her to tell her all about it (he had emailed the info to her) and is gushing about how he thought she could use some relaxation and he wanted her to feel loved on her special day.



I feel like shit over this. Am I being a petty brat? I really don't care about STUFF. It's just the thought. Why didn't he want that for me? I'm being such a jerk, aren't I?

What says ML?

[Deleted]

OMG! I would stab him in the fucking face. I mean, really? He barely acknowledged you and now he wants to fall all over himself to treat his mother who really, should be falling all over you after living with you guys for two years???

[myordinarylife]

He needs a punch to the junk, and send him to spend a few nights at mama's, maybe he'll get it then.

[wildfloweragain]

I'd be upset, but there's nothing you can say right now because you'll seem jealous, like it's about her. It's really about how he treated you on your bday. You're not being petty.

[Deleted]

Jul 3, 2012 17:50:36 GMT -5 myordinarylife said:

He needs a punch to the junk, and send him to spend a few nights at mama's, maybe he'll get it then.

Sounds like they'd be happy together.

[tacokick]

I'd be pissed. What has he done for your birthdays before.

[secretme]

Jul 3, 2012 17:50:48 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Yeah, that would not fly in my house. But I fully acknowledge that I'm a petty brat anyway, so, take that as you will.

What did he say when you asked him about this? I hope you at least said "Where's my spa certificate?"

I actually haven't said anything yet. I had no idea he was going to do ALL of that for her. I thought he'd get her like a $30 groupon for a mani/pedi and call it a day. He just walked in and was already on the phone, so I haven't talked to him yet. I'm trying not to explode on him, so I'm keeping busy for a little bit while I try to formulate a thought that's calmer than "fuck you, asswipe". KWIM?

[nadasteph]

Jul 3, 2012 17:50:36 GMT -5 myordinarylife said:

He needs a punch to the junk, and send him to spend a few nights at mama's, maybe he'll get it then.

Um, yes, this. A punch to the junk for sure for your H. That would upset me if he went to zero trouble for me and then bent over backwards for his mom.

[mkesweetie]

Nope, not being a petty brat. Not by a long shot.

[frauschmindy]

Oh, I would kill him.

[secretme]

In past years, he's at least taken me out to dinner/made me dinner or something. He's not the most romantic person, so I've never been that concerned. But clearly he DOES have that capability to be very thoughtful and wanting to pamper a woman. Except it's the wrong one. Ass.

I'm pissed about the massage, too, honestly. I've been saying for years that I'd love to get a massage as a gift one day. :@

[jennysmitten]

Yep, stab to the face.

[nadasteph]

Any idea why he would want to go to that length for his mom? Does he usually for her birthday? Did her dog just get hit by a car or something?

[secretme]

It also just really comes at a bad time. Things have not been so great between us (more my opinion of him than the other way around) and this is just the icing on the cake.

I cried when I saw it on the CC statement. womp womp. lol.

[secretme]

Jul 3, 2012 17:58:30 GMT -5 nadasteph said:

Any idea why he would want to go to that length for his mom? Does he usually for her birthday? Did her dog just get hit by a car or something?

I mean, he's very close to her. She's tight on money because of several stupid decisions she's made (and continues to make), and so it's created stress for her. We've picked up a lot of the weight from that by helping considerably with his brothers. So no, I really don't see the need for all this when you consider that this is not his usual gift-giving personality. Does that make sense?

[frauschmindy]

Jul 3, 2012 17:56:30 GMT -5 secretme said:

I'm pissed about the massage, too, honestly. I've been saying for years that I'd love to get a massage as a gift one day.

[secretme]

Jul 3, 2012 18:01:08 GMT -5 @frauschmindy said:

Jul 3, 2012 17:56:30 GMT -5 secretme said:

I'm pissed about the massage, too, honestly. I've been saying for years that I'd love to get a massage as a gift one day.

Yep.

[wrathofkuus]

My response would be "Are you fucking KIDDING me?! You do jack shit for my birthday, but now when it's your mother's birthday it's her special day?!"

Honestly, I don't get at all why people are so reluctant to yell at their husbands, though I do see a strong correlation between a reluctance to start a fight and the incidence of fuck-effort husbands.

[wrathofkuus]

Jul 3, 2012 18:05:15 GMT -5 neener said:

I think (once you've calmed down) you sit him down and tell him how you are hurt by his lack of attention to your birthday. Don't mention his mother at all. Just explain your feelings and needs without bringing her into it.

I disagree very strongly. I don't think she should be calm about his jackassery at all, and I do think the comparison between this and how he treats his mother's birthday is absolutely warranted.

[Deleted]

Jul 3, 2012 18:09:28 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

My response would be "Are you fucking KIDDING me?! You do jack shit for my birthday, but now when it's your mother's birthday it's her special day?!"

Honestly, I don't get at all why people are so reluctant to yell at their husbands, though I do see a strong correlation between a reluctance to start a fight and the incidence of fuck-effort husbands.

Amen, sister.

[frauschmindy]

Jul 3, 2012 18:11:39 GMT -5 @smace said:

I think I'd have a conversation that started "what the fuck is your problem". Because that's not acceptable.

I'm partial to, "seriously, what the FUCK?"

[psyck]

Please let us know what he says!

[Deleted]

i would be so hurt, and i'd say something explicit, direct, and pointed to him.

[malibu]

Nope, not being a brat at all. I'd kick him in the nuts for being an asshole.

[verycontrary247]

You are completely justified.

[sneetch]

I would be so pissed off. And I don't even like a big fuss on my birthday.

[wannabe]

I am so incredibly bitter on your behalf. That is some fucked up shit right there.

[Deleted]

You know occasionally, one is justified in feeling jealous.

This is one of those times.

[karmasabiotch]

Buy yourself a spa weekend with a card and sign his name. Thank him for thinking of you as you breeze out the door for a weekend away.

Definitely not petty.

[adhdfashion]

That shit is not acceptable. You're not being a brat. Off with his head!