Post by cricketwife on Jan 26, 2014 18:15:40 GMT -5
UPDATED: Thanks for all the suggestions. The ones that I haven't tried, I will try when I need to. Last night, DS had mercy on me He decided that he would sleep in the swing with NO CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He went down at 10:30 and sleep until 2 am when he nursed. Then went right back down until 5 am when he nursed again. Down again until 7:30. I slept in the bed. It must be all the good vibes that you ladies were sending our way. Thanks for the support!
I need some help thinking this through. DS is 15 days old. He screams and screams at night and nothing seems to console him except the boob. If I give him the boob, he'll fall asleep on me and we can sleep the night that way (with wakeups for feedings, of course.) I've done this most nights, but it's a problem because we have to sleep on the recliner in the living room. I don't sleep very well and it's not good for my bottom which is still healing - basically it's better for me to be reclined and laying on my side. I already spend much of the day sitting, which just puts more pressure on that area.
We've sleep most nights like this because it's what works and it also lets DH sleep and he has to go to work. A couple of times I just didn't have it in me to spend all night in the living room chair and we brought the baby into the bedroom with us. He ended up in the bed both times. He just screamed and screamed until he conked out.
So on Friday night (and again last night), since it was the weekend and DH didn't have to work, we decided to try to have the baby sleep in the bedroom with us. Both times we tried to put him in the rock n play and he just screamed bloody murder. So we brought him in the bed. He continued to scream. We swaddled him, held him, rocked him, nothing work. So basically, he just ended up laying between us in the bed, screaming, until he finally fell asleep.
So, I know that CIO doesn't work at this age, according to everything that I've read, but I feel like we are basically doing CIO since none of our efforts to calm him have done any good at all. So tonight we're thinking about letting him scream it out in the rock n play in his bedroom rather than in the bed with us, since it seems like he's just going to scream anyway.
Is this cruel? I'm crying as I type this because I don't know what to do. I don't have nipples of steel and can't just let him nurse all night. I need to let my body heal. I want to comfort him, but nothing works (including the 5 S's - we've done all that.)
Please give me your ideas.
Any ideas? Will we be permanently damaging him if we just let him cry.
FWIW, once he falls asleep, he'll sleep for a good stretch - usually 4 hours.
Do you have a swing or bouncy chair? Have you tried having him sleep in there? I know you said you tried the 5 S', but did you watch the Happiest Baby on the Block video? I found that seeing it happen on the video made it easier to know what to do. I'm sure it doesn't work for every baby, but it was like magic with my dd. Also, have you tried loud white noise? It would always calm dd down at that age. Hang in there - it really does get better!!
Post by cricketwife on Jan 26, 2014 18:28:46 GMT -5
I don't see how shifts will help. I cant sleep if the baby is screaming and he cant feed the baby since I'm bf. So if he holds a screaming baby it means nobody gets any sleep. If the baby was consolable this would make sense to me but nothing makes him stop crying.
I wouldn't let him scream in his room-I don't think you're doing CIO now because you're right there. Even if it doesn't seem like your presence makes a difference right now, I have to think it does.
Another poster asked, but is he gassy? Reflux? Overtired? Hungry? There might be a reason behind the non stop screaming. Have you talked to his pedi?
I may have missed it, but can you nurse side lying in bed? Side lying nursing has saved my sanity with both of my girls.
And yes, definitely take shifts. Your husband may be working, but so are you!
Post by cricketwife on Jan 26, 2014 18:36:09 GMT -5
Sorry I'm on my kindle and it doesn't seem to let me type unless I do a"quick reply" so I cant quote or tag.
We've watched happiest baby on the block twice. I could be doing everythingwrong but it hasn't worked. Or it works for just a couple minutes. We fe done the white noise machine and he doesn't respond to it. We have a swing. Like the rnp hes happy in it in the day but not at night. He naps well during the day but not at night. Its like he knows when its night and decides nothing will make him happy. I don't think its gas Bc that's not an issue in the day time.
Post by cricketwife on Jan 26, 2014 18:40:04 GMT -5
I'm not trying to be a smart Alec... I honestly need someone to explain how shifts will help. We have a small house and there is no where that I wont hear him. I cant sleep with him screaming.
Will he sleep in his car seat? That's what works best for our baby right now. We went through nights like this when he was a newborn. It is just one of those things that you have to push through. I didn't think it would ever get better, but it has. We still get up every 3-4 hours, but now he goes down again better. There were 3 weeks when he was first home with us that we took turns sleeping on the couch with him laying on our chest. It was the only thing we could do to get any sleep. Even though I am not working like my husband if I get over tired it makes it really hard to deal with a cranky baby the next day. Your husband can help, it is his baby just as much as it is yours and it is temporary. Just make it through the next few days, weeks and months somehow and it will get better!
Babies are not predictable. He could have gas at night and not during the day. Have you tried gripe water, bicycle legs, etc?
Stick it out with white noise and the rest of the 5s.
He doesn't need to eat the entire night, right? if he doesn't need to eat, have your h take him. have him leave the room if need be so you can sleep. I know it's hard to sleep if your son is crying, but do what you can to try. even laying there resting is better than being awake and up all night.
you are both no good if you don't sleep.
I know it's so hard.
I had one night of this with L and it was the worst and honestly it's traumatizing, especially if it becomes "normal"
Post by rupertpenny on Jan 26, 2014 18:43:46 GMT -5
I'll second side lying nursing. It's great for MOTN nursing. Also, do you have a second bed in the house? My baby has never been really into bed sharing, but when we have done it I feel better when it's just me and the baby in bed.
For the first 10 weeks or so I slept in a bed in the nursery with the RNP right next to my head. I only transferred her when she was deeply asleep.
This time is really hard though. Luckily it doesn't last all that long. Also, google "period of purple crying." Basically, it is developmentally normal for newborns to cry a lot for apparently no reason. It sucks, but knowing it was normal made me feel better about it.
I'm not trying to be a smart Alec... I honestly need someone to explain how shifts will help. We have a small house and there is no where that I wont hear him. I cant sleep with him screaming.
Even if you are awake it helps to be the one not "on." Also, your husband needs to develop his own soothing techniques. Also, your baby needs to learn that both mom and dad are responsive to his cries.
At 2 weeks he is crying for a reason. Even if you can't identify it.
I'm not trying to be a smart Alec... I honestly need someone to explain how shifts will help. We have a small house and there is no where that I wont hear him. I cant sleep with him screaming.
I understand. It doesn't help me either. I can't sleep through it at all.
Morning naps (when the baby naps) are the only thing that have saved my sanity.
Post by turtlegirl on Jan 26, 2014 18:50:28 GMT -5
Get some earplugs. One person sleeps with the baby in the recliner for 2-3 hours until he needs to eat again while the other parents gets 2-3 hours of solid sleep in the bed with ear plugs in.
That's how we took shifts with boy our boys in the early weeks when they wouldn't sleep in the bassinet (DS1 was much harder than DS2, but they definitely both had their moments).
Is your DH more of a nigh owl or an early riser? Since he is working I'd give him a preference and see if he wants the get his good chunk of sleep early in the night or in the morning. DH would always sleep like 10/11-4 am and then keep the baby from 4-7am when he left for work. So I got my best sleep in the early morning hours and then could also continue to nap when the baby napped or at least just rest on the couch most of the morning feeding/snoozing along with the baby.
Post by littlepeanut on Jan 26, 2014 18:52:48 GMT -5
I'm sorry. I understand not being able to sleep when you can hear them screaming. I wear earplugs, and I swear I can hear him fart in his own room. LOUD white noise was our savior early on. Ditto on trying the swing. At this point, we tried anything and everything to see what he would respond to. It will get better! ETA: I had a white noise app on my iphone that I cranked really loud. That way we could use the white noise anywhere.
Gripe water is amazing stuff and helps DS every time he has hiccups or seems uncomfortable. What is his schedule now? Do you keep him awake after feedings during the day? We swaddle turn on sound machine to fan the rain doesn't work and gently rock the bassinet back and forth while saying shhhhhh. Try different white noise sounds. I'm right there with you though. Sorry on phone.
Gripe water is amazing stuff and helps DS every time he has hiccups or seems uncomfortable. What is his schedule now? Do you keep him awake after feedings during the day? We swaddle turn on sound machine to fan the rain doesn't work and gently rock the bassinet back and forth while saying shhhhhh. Try different white noise sounds. I'm right there with you though. Sorry on phone.
You need to use earplugs or your own white noise so you can't hear him.
Do you have a Moby wrap? Both of my newborns get guaranteed sleep in it.
Do a weighed feeding to make sure he's getting enough.
Give him gas drops. Mylicon. I assume he's swaddled?
Lastly, him crying while a parent holds him is different than him crying alone in his room. 15 days is so so young. It's super hard, I know. You'll get thru it.
He sounds like my DS who screamed unless held for at least a month. He had reflux. Meds made a world of difference.
The first 6+ weeks are all about survival. I would sleep downstairs and hold him until he fell asleep and then put him on the NB lounger or chair and sleep next to him on the sofa. Or hold him for hours sometimes. There's no consistent sleep at that point.
You cannot sleep train at this point. Don't try.
It DOES get better. But it takes time.
Do you have the funds to hire a night nurse for a few nights so you can get a little sleep? Pump or do one bottle of formula. Even if she has to bring him in to eat, she can take him right after and soothe and change him.
Post by karinothing on Jan 26, 2014 19:13:21 GMT -5
So, DS was like this. I slept with him on my chest for 2.5 months until he got over it. I would sleep with him on your chest laying flat in the bed if you can. I think lying with him flat is safer than sleeping in the recliner.
ETA: This advice is only if you jsut want to accept that some kids like to be held when they are itty bitty and no amount of pacifier, swaddle, baby containment device is going to change that.
Could you try nursing him until he is asleep (or almost asleep) and then try to replace your nipple with a pacifier? Then you might be able to put him down with the pacifier in his mouth. DS1 was a boob addict and this helped to introduce the pacifier. I would even try nursing him while he is swaddled and then try switching the nipple for a pacifier that way his arms can't fight the pacifier.
I'd start probiotics (Gerber Soothe) just in case, as they've got a good track record for helping colic. No idea if that's this, but it won't hurt and might help.
Ask for help. DH can take the baby out of the house for 1-2 hours so you can sleep and not listen to/for the baby. Someone can come over in the morning and either watch and hold the happier morning baby, or again take the baby out for an hour or two so you can sleep.
-probiotics really helped my dd with gas issues. She was never typically colicky, and I didn't start her on them until she was 4 months old, but I wish I had tried them much sooner, and will with any future babies. Gripe water and gas drops were helpful in the moment, but probiotics were a game changer.
-make sure your white noise is LOUD. If my dd was mildly upset, we could use the peaceful ocean sounds to calm her. But if she was MAD we would switch to the hair dryer or vacuum sound (iPhone app with many options) at high volume. I would tuck it behind the head padding in her swing and she would go to sleep with the hair dryer blasting. It makes no sense, but it worked (for her, at least).
-definitely ear plugs and/or white noise for you and your h to sleep on your respective shifts
I know this is so difficult. It really, truly, will get better.
Post by browneyedgirl9 on Jan 26, 2014 20:14:21 GMT -5
My little guy is 15 days old too. We have find that LOUD white noise, i use an app on my phone and have it on all night, along with a halo sleep sack, which keeps him in a nice swaddle, work well for us.
White noise - either running the shower in the bathroom or download an app. My iPhone app has several different sounds, running water or rain/thunderstorm seem to be DS' favorites. Loud. Very loud!
Will he take a pacifier? If not, try a new one. It took us 5 different brands to find one that stuck.
Does he sleep in the car/car seat? If he doesn't mind the car seat, go for a drive if he falls asleep, leave him in the car seat (but bring the car seat in the house, lol). Or put the car seat in the stroller/snap and go and use the stroller in your house. Even if you don't have much room to do laps, if you go over a threshold or rug repeatedly, going over a bump can be soothing. Again, once asleep, keep him there!
Even if your baby doesn't seem to have gas during the day, it could still present at night. DS always was super gassy & angry at night. The gas drops don't hurt, but could help.
Not sure on your feeding plans, but we gave formula at night. Just one bottle a night, but DS was always hungry and was not content with my supply. Feed him first, then offer formula. That might fill him up and knock him out for a nice long sleep. (Only if you're ok with offering formula!) Bonus, your husband can give the bottle & you can jump in bed and get the first stretch of sleep.
Good luck! DS screamed for weeks & weeks. Not in a typical colic way, but it was so stressful to know nighttime was coming. (Hugs)
I found that bouncing on a exercise ball was the only thing that would calm DD1. I would also have to hold the pacifer in her mouth because she could never keep it in herself. Doing shifts with DH works never have worked for me. I wouldn't have been able to sleep knowing the baby was crying and H was struggling. I also believed that since he had to go to work the next day he should get to sleep at night. I know that is not a popular opinion on this board but it is how I felt.