NH&F -- will be DD'ed

[Brit]

I haven't, but I wanted to wish you the best with however it turns out. Hugs.

[MrsE]

No advice, just hugs.

[sadlebred]

Sorry you are having problems! I am in the same boat (divorce will happen, but I am saving $$$$ first.)

1. Yes, I've tried it.
2. We were both committed to it.
3. It didn't help. He kept blaming everything on me (still does), and he was not willing to change. I didn't care much for our counselor on a personal level, but she had some good recommendations to work on our relationship. DH said it was my problem, and that I was the one that needed to work on it. Not him. Last time I checked marriage is between 2 people.
4. Dear Abby always recommends going to counseling by yourself if your spouse won't go. I second that suggestion.

[Vally]

I've done marriage counseling and individual counseling. Even though we ultimately divorced the counseling was very beneficial to both of us.

I put it off for a very long time because I didn't really know how it would work or what costs would be involved but a good friend told me about EAPs, which I had never heard of before, and after that I finally was able to address it.

Best of luck to you.

[clseale]

I haven't. I would imagine that both would have to be willing for it to stand a chance of being beneficial, but that doesn't mean the person who wants to try shouldn't try to push counseling. I don't know. I really just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and give you big hugs. No matter which person you are in this scenario, it has to be extremely difficult.

[Stingyshark]

We haven't. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're having to even think about this.

((Hugs))

[Susie]

I haven't, but I know a number of people who it has helped immensely. Hopefully, if you're considering it, it will help you as you move forward, whatever forward looks like.

[pag41989]

Have you done marriage counseling? Yes we only went for a few months
Were you committed? I wasn't, he actually had to beg me for 2 weeks to go but I finally gave in and I am glad I did.
Was he? Yes
Did it help or not? At first no, but the more we talked, the more it helped.
What if one person wants out but the other is fully committed? I think it really depends on the couple. Every couple is different. For us, the counseling helped a TON.

[enfuego23]

Yes, DH and I have been in counseling and we were/are both committed. Yes, counseling helps and continues to help. We are typical opposites attract and have issue with communication. He is the silent, less emotive type and I am pretty emotive and words are what I need. We go to find ways to help better our communication.

I believe in counseling - so many couples wait too long IMO. In my experience, a lot of couples are embarrassed by counseling and feel it's a weakness on their part and their marriage if they go. Counseling is a tricky thing, whether it be individual or couples - you have to be completely honest with yourself and be willing to see things from another perspective, seems easy, but it takes work to do this and it is a very humbling.

If you are the one that wants counseling and he doesn't, you should go and see a counselor on your own. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.

[thom]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but I think it's good you are exploring the options. It takes strong people to ask for help, you know?

We did pre-marriage counseling with my pastor before our wedding (12 hours I think), which I know is different. But, we were both committed & had an open mind which was crucial. I think it was helpful for us.

Good Luck. Remember to take some time for your marriage and just to focus on it. Everyone is so busy nowadays, but marriages need TLC like any relationship. Marriage IS hard - no matter how easy some people make it look or seem. I don't mean to write a novel here, but know I will be thinking if you & hoping things go ok!

[taratru]

Quick answers - yes, we did individual counseling. I was committed, he was truly not (which is why we never did it togther). We went about a year. It didn't work (see above), and back then I was really hurt by that, but now I know he is a complete narcissist and it never would have worked.

I'm sorry you even have to think about it, but I'm glad you are. If you feel the need for it, then you should go ahead. Take care of yourself. *hugs*

[joenali]

Yes. We both decided we needed to go. We go every once and awhile when things get rough. We were both on board.

[labbie]

I have not been with my DH, but in a past life attended relationship counseling with an ex (we were engaged at the time).

At the time, both of us were committed, and although our relationship did not work out (for a variety of reasons) to this day I'm so thankful I went. I learned so much about myself and have used many of the tools and knowledge gained during those sessions.
We ended up going both separately, and together. I agree with another poster who mentioned going alone even if your partner isn't up for it.

(Hugs)

[Deleted]

We didn't but have discussed it. Ultimately we decided what was best for us was to just separate and work on our issue ourselves. This was several years ago and we are together and happy. We were both 100% committed and new what the issues were. Counseling works for some people and I think it is worth a shot.

[kams]

Sending you love & best wishes for whatever solution suits you best.

[jamalynn]

Short answer: Yes, we have been to couples counseling (together), we were both committed and it did work.

Longer answer: It was a rough patch in our relationship, we didn't have a lot of time for each other, etc. DH grew up with parents that divorced when he was 5 and his mom didn't remarry until he was in college. I believe he had a distorted view of what should happen in a marriage and how we should treat each other. I grew up with parents that were still married. We did couseling for about 6 months and it really helped. Good luck to you.