Petty in-law vent

[Deleted]

I think I'm being overly sensitive (yay pg hormones!) but i need to know if I'm overreacting.

We are visiting the inlaws in Florida right now (they winter here). As we were at target my MIL saw a bunch of kids pirate -themed birthday stuff. She grabbed it and said she already bought DS a bunch of pirate themed birthday stuff for this year and she hopes I doesnt mind if he has a pirate birthday.

He will be 2 in may. We won't do a big party but its really irking me that my MIL has decided the "theme" for us. I'm his mom and i would like to do that!

I'm not going to make a big deal of it, she is a sweet woman and very involved with DS and helping. But this was one of the "little things" that I would like to decide (with DH) for my kid.

So am I being overly sensitive? I think I am. Lol.

[soozy87]

I would be annoyed and probably have my husband tell her we were going another direction.

[Deleted]

That's weird. However, I wouldn't wage a battle over it.

I'd just say, "Actually, DS is really into XYZ now and has been asking for that sort of party! It'd be great though if we could use them now as a special treat, or I'll take them home and we'll pull them out on rainy days and have a pretend party."

My mom buys me odd stuff all the time for kid. Doesn't mean I have to use it for specific occasions. I throw it all in a tote and pull it out when we need some excitement.

[brooklyn]

I don't think you're being overly sensitive. She'd had her chance to throw themed parties for her own kids. You and your H are the parents now, and any party themes should be up to you and your kid, not her.

[Ashley&Scott]

Jan 29, 2014 10:18:46 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

That's weird. However, I wouldn't wage a battle over it.

I'd just say, "Actually, DS is really into XYZ now and has been asking for that sort of party! It'd be great though if we could use them now as a special treat, or I'll take them home and we'll pull them out on rainy days and have a pretend party."

My mom buys me odd stuff all the time for kid. Doesn't mean I have to use it for specific occasions. I throw it all in a tote and pull it out when we need some excitement.

I agree with this.

Birthday party planning is your territory, plan the party you want & use her stuff for something else. Or she can have a pirate party while you guys are visiting, either now or in the future.

[Deleted]

I will be hosting the party for those who asked.

I mean if she wants to host a second party at her house she is more than welcome.

I think I will host her theme this year (the stuff is quite cute) but just ask that she doesn't pre-buy anything next year so we can decide the theme closer to the date.

[MadamePresident]

That's really nice of you. My MIL bought a Christmas dress for my daughter this year. I decided to go with it, even though I kind of wanted to pick something out myself.

[Deleted]

You are nicer than me. I would have said, "Oh that's nice of you but we're doing a dinosaur theme this year. I hope the stuff you bought can be returned!"

[vanillacourage]

Jan 29, 2014 10:59:56 GMT -5 @libgrl said:

You are nicer than me. I would have said, "Oh that's nice of you but we're doing a dinosaur theme this year. I hope the stuff you bought can be returned!"

10000% the first line, but for the second I would just say that you hope the party stuff can be used another time.  Summer cookout perhaps.

I wouldn't use the pirate stuff, even if it's cute, because I would not want to set that precedent (I'm the mom - back off lady).  And by the time DS1 was 2, he was old enough to have his own preference on what he wants for a birthday party.  DS2 is almost 22m and I already know that unless he gets a new obsession between now and then, he'll have an Elmo party.

[shell24]

I'd be annoyed, and I am petty enough that I wod say nope, we're doing something else (but not tell her what it is).

In my life though my MIL would never-it would be my mom pulling it and I have zero problem telling her to take a step back lol

[spk926]

I would be annoyed. I would just tell you that you aren't a fan of pirates and when it gets closer to the date you're going to let DS choose. Then I would either let him choose or just choose myself but make sure it wasn't pirates. I can be kind of bitchy like that though.

[redheadbaker]

I'd be annoyed -bordering-on-pissed. It's actually something I would expect my mom to do. She got mad at me for buying DS' first Christmas outfit because she wanted to pick it out.

[redheadk]

I would be pissed, so no, I don't think you are overreacting. I'm impressed you kept your cool, especially with pp hormones!

[gibbinator]

I totally get it. MIL decided to buy DS's first halloween costume without asking us. I was secretly delighted that he hated every moment of wearing it. heh.

[ECB]

For 2, your kid really isn't going to care. So, if you want to just go with it, I get it. (although I FULLY agree w/ your annoyance!)

BUT - I agree w/ Vanilla - I'd be worried about precedent. I'd find a way to mention to her that "this was great of you to pick this stuff up this year. Keep in mind, though, that next year DS may have some opinions about what he wants for his b-day. So, I wouldn't pre-buy anything w/o talking to me first."

[vanillacourage]

Jan 29, 2014 11:47:42 GMT -5 gibbinator said:

I totally get it. MIL decided to buy DS's first halloween costume without asking us.

[dragonfly08]

I'd be slightly annoyed, and more worried about setting a precedent.

But on the other hand, you're talking free party goods in a cute theme, at an age when the kid really neither knows nor cares what the theme is. All a two year old is worried about are presents and cake! :-) Neither of my girls can tell you what the theme of their second birthday party was (I'm not even sure there WAS a theme...we've done plenty of parties where the theme was basically "it's a birthday, there'll be dinner and cake so come on over").

If you otherwise have a good relationship with your MIL where giving in won't cause problems, you think she'll back off next year when you politely tell her thanks, but please don't prebuy for next year because you want to handle it, and you don't already have your heart set on some other theme, then why not?

[Deleted]

Jan 29, 2014 11:47:42 GMT -5 gibbinator said:

I totally get it. MIL decided to buy DS's first halloween costume without asking us. I was secretly delighted that he hated every moment of wearing it. heh.

My aunt who I do not get along with did this. I handed it back to her and said, Obviously we'll be pick her Halloween costume since we're, you know, her parents. She didn't speak to me until Christmas. No big loss.

[Deleted]

Ok I'm glad in not totally overreacting lol.
She is a lovely woman or I probably would have gotten bitchy about it.

I did debate "forgetting" she has bought stuff and going with our own theme but i probably won't.

Thanks for not making me feel like a hormonal mess

[Deleted]

Jan 29, 2014 14:56:55 GMT -5 @libgrl said:

Jan 29, 2014 11:47:42 GMT -5 gibbinator said:

I totally get it. MIL decided to buy DS's first halloween costume without asking us. I was secretly delighted that he hated every moment of wearing it. heh.

My aunt who I do not get along with did this. I handed it back to her and said, Obviously we'll be pick her Halloween costume since we're, you know, her parents. She didn't speak to me until Christmas. No big loss.

Haha I would do the same if I didn't like the person.

[ilikedonuts]

I wouldn't give in on this even if its cute because that just lets her think that her behavior is okay. You can tell her not to do it in the future but chances are she'll still do it because she "won" this time.

[ilikedonuts]

And you need to start immediately shutting this stuff down. "Actually yes I do mind. DH and I will make these decisions because we are his parents. I hope the stuff can be returned."

[Deleted]

No-my Mil doesn't get a say in birthday themes, halloween costumes, when they eat their first solid food, etc. Nope..not gonna happen. Luckily for me, my MIL had 10 nieces and nephews before DS, so she was properly instructed long ago.

[cherry1111]

I'd be annoyed. If you give in this year though I think it wouldn't be a huge deal because next year your son will probably have an opinion on what kind of party he wants. You can use him as the reason to not use her stuff.