do you entertain at your home?

[Deleted]

There is something about this that gives me anxiety. I'd so much rather go to someone else's home or to a restaurant than entertain in my own home.

If anyone has any advice for me I'd appreciate it. I'd love to be able to extend invitations (esp RETURNED invitations!) without stressing myself out.

[heygrey]

what level of entertainment are we talking about here?

i have people over all the time, but it doesn't involve anything more than verbal confirmation.

eta: i'm not a gourmet chef by any stretch, but i've found hosting snacks is way easier than hosting a meal. nachos are one of the easiest, but i've also made soft pretzels with various dips and we do wing night once every few months. everyone brings drinks, sometimes we play games, sometimes we just sit around and talk.

[stretchad]

It stresses me out too. Mostly because it means I have to clean my house to a much higher standard than I typically keep, and keep my insane dogs from licking people and their drink glasses that they set on the coffee table.

the way we have done it in the past is to keep the dogs in a bedroom or if the people are okay with big dogs, we do let them out and they generally settle down fairly quickly (but need to be watched like a hawk). (I think my issues with the dogs are really more my problem than the dogs)
As far as the cleaning thing goes, I enlist help and start early...Or I just say fuck it and leave it to my standard. If I happen to miss the one dog hair tumbleweed in the corner, oh well.

What is it about hosing that stresses you out? Is it figuring out the food? What to do? Something else?

[Kore]

It stresses me out, even with our closest friends. I'm not confident about my cooking abilities, and I'm a shitty housekeeper. We run around cleaning like crazy before people come over.

What about it gives you anxiety? That they won't like your house? Be bored? Something else?

[Susie]

We do pretty often. Don't experiment with food when you're hosting, that cuts the anxiety quite a bit. Go with things you can prep in advance, so you don't have to be cooking, preparing, setting out when your guests are there. And try to entertain in a room other than the kitchen, so you can leave the inevitable dirty dishes in the sink and enjoy your guests' company.

[Roc A Bee]

We are a pretty laid back crowd. We have people over a lot. Last night we had 10 over for the 4th

[Deleted]

We entertain semi frequently - just keep it small and informal to keep it easy. Summer is perfect for grilling out - then just premake cold/room temp sides so you don't have to worry about having everything warm at the perfect time.

Our friends are all young/just starting out so we try to host frequently to make things a little cheaper. Everyone knows up front that things are casual here.

A couple days ago my friend and I had a fun "date" - we went to the store together and grabbed whatever caught our eye. We ended up with tj's sushi for an app, then we threw together crab cakes, broiled lemon zucchini strips, and a salad with homemade dressing. Making the meal (with Mumford and Sons and festive drinks) was half the fun. :-)

[drloretta]

I entertained a lot when I was single, not so much since we got married. DH is shy.

BUT we're having 4 people spend the night here tomorrow night to go to a Saturday event with DH, and we're having old friends over for lunch on Sunday.

I'd start small and low-key. A few close friends, ordering in or doing something simple as far as food/drink (eg, pizza and beer). As you get comfortable, you can expand as wanted/needed.

[Deleted]

We used to have people over a lot, but it was usually very casual. I prefer to have people at my house rather than go anywhere else - my dogs are here and I'm comfortable in my own home more than someone else's.

With that said, we don't generally host true dinner parties and there are certain people I don't want to cook for (such as a friend who is a great cook and really proud of it - I don't feel like I'm going to be able to impress him with anything I could cook). So with certain people I'd rather not have them over because it intimidates me, haha.

I think the key for me is to entertain when there is some kind of purpose - such as a party for a specific event (birthday, superbowl, whatever) and to keep it casual. We love doing appetizer parties where everyone brings something to share and easy things like that. Then no one arrives expecting anything fancy and it is easy!

[insominac]

No one comes over. Not even housekeepers. Lol Mr. Insom has befriended our next door neighbors and I am petrified that he (or they) will extend an invitation for dinner or something.

[steph96]

Not anymore. FI's friends have a way of inviting over people that I don't like. After one of those people fell over [drunk] into our wall and left a 3'x2' hole and broke our old roommate's TV, we don't have guests over for entertaining.

[statlerwaldorf]

We entertain a lot. We are the only ones with a child, so I prefer to stay at home unless I have a babysitter. Most of our friends' homes are not child friendly. We usually run around cleaning before someone comes over. It's amazing how much mess a 3 year old can make.

I wasn't always comfortable with it. I think it is one of those things that you have to get used to doing. I still get nervous when we have new people over, but then again I'm socially awkward outside of my house too. We have the same people over a lot, so I am pretty comfortable around them.

[definitelyO]

we do dinner parties a lot. 2 weekends ago we had 3 couples plus kids. tomorrow we're having 6 adults. it's fun. don't stress, invite people you know and like to start and cook/grill something super easy - it's not impressing people it's about having fun.

[makemineadouble]

We entertain a lot. What are your specific worries? You can take care of the basics (clean and inviting house, food and drink, entertainment/someting to do) yourself, hire it out, be fancy/casual or somewhere in between. It would help to know what you're trying to accomplish to give better advice.

Edited to add: It seems you want to reciprocate for invitations you've received, which is the proper thing to do. However, just because your friends have you over and make dinner doesn't mean you can't 'pay them back' by treating them to dinner at a restaurant. If that's easier for you, then by all means go for it.

[Deleted]

Every holiday and Superbowl is held at our house. I spend the entire day before cleaning and doing any prep work I can for food. Just keep the menu to things you know you make well and people love. Our family is so big everyone brings a dish so that helps also.
I use to get stressed out over it, but really, a group of people really do entertain themselves once you add alcohol

[thumper55]

When I was single, I loved entertaining and cooking.
Now, it's hell no.
It's way too much work to get the house clean, and prep food, then there is the cleanup. I don't want to spend my time doing that stuff.

I like seeing my friends, but a restaurant is fine.

[h]

We have people over a fair amount, but usually just 1-4 other couples. Sometimes we cook, but often we do take out or just do apps or something. We generally have one or two bigger cocktail parties a year. Our house is never pristine, but I just don't worry about it too much. I know when I go to someone else's house, I don't judge their housekeeping--I am just happy to be with my friends. We do try to plan events for right after our housekeeper comes, though.

[Deleted]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I think for me it's a combo of things: not being confident with my cooking, not feeling like my house is just how I want it yet for entertaining; and the pressure to make sure everyone has fun (no one is super close--at least 15-20 minutes or so, everyone has kids so they'd have to get sitters).

I wish we had family nearby so I could practice on them.

[Deleted]

yes. WE seem to be the ones to always host the parties. I think people are intimidated and afraid to host.
I dont do anything special. We have drinks ( usually soda/beer/wine) and then it is either an easy meal or heavy apps - many of them purchased and just heated.

There are times I wish others would say " hey, come on over and we will order pizza". That would work for me.

[marie427]

On average, once a month or so. I don't like to cook though - either we go out to eat or order pizza. I've gotten over my worries about whether our small apartment is "adequate" for guests, which used to be a major issue I had with inviting people over.

[aspentosh]

We have family and friends over all the time, but I make sure I am keeping the food simple. I hate cooking, so it's all about basics- burgers/dogs/etc during the summer and casseroles or crock pot meals in the winter. I love seeing friends and family too much to not have them over and this was the easiest way to keep my anxiety in check.

[chessie]

Really depends on event, just having out bbq- go nuts cleaning the house, thats pretty much it. Shower, bday- then we go out. House is always a mess due to repairs and we only have one bathroom, so we have to limit the people over anyway. And most people don't like coming to a farm and having to deal with horses, dogs and all the smells. Sometimes its just easier just to pay for a place to setup something for you, rather you doing it yourself.

[gt7301b]

I don't really stress over small crowds. These are the type of friends who don't care if our house is a mess. Usually when we have folks order we order pizza or have something simple for dinner.

I do go a little crazy when we have big parties, but that is just because I actually enjoy cooking and making party food that we don't normally eat on our own.

[miss1180]

I don't like it either, even though we do it alot. Both our parents live several hours away, so they come a lot and stay for a few days. That, I HATE!!! It's not bad with my parents because it's my parents :-) they can deal with whatever! But when ILs come I feel like I have to put on a whole show for my MIL. She hasn't worked in over 30 years and is little miss homemaker. So I feel like she expects that here, too. Even though we both work full time. After a few years of this, I'm slowly starting to not care- but it's hard!
With our friends, we have them here a lot too. We have a nice bar in our basement so its a fun place where we can all hang out and the kids can all be here too. Easy for eveybody. But I usually make it an after dinner thing so I just do snacks and drinks- no meals to worry about.
Sometimes we'll even do bring your own take out- lol where they all pick up something on their way, or we'll put in an order from the pizza place when everybody gets here. Some people might think that's "tacky", but its an easy way for all of us to spend time together, so it works for us!

[birdmom]

We are hosting a pig roast tomorrow with probably upwards of 70 people. This is a yearly party for us, and every year it causes me much anxiety. I despise the preparation and the cleanup, and it's going to be 103 degrees tomorrow, so I'm not looking forward to that, either. It's a lot for me to juggle, with being a hostess and keeping an eye on my kid and dog. Despite our request every year to not bring dogs, some idiots still bring them and they end up getting in a fight with my dog. DH and all of his buddies usually drink too much from trying to kick the keg at the end of the night playing beer pong and people end up sleeping in their cars on my front lawn (no, we are not hillbillies...lol).

If it makes you feel any better...at least you're not hosting a party like this?

[mrshandy]

We have 6-10 people over every 3-4 months.

With our group of friends, it's mostly a potluck kind of things. We'll provide some drinks and most of the food and they'll bring some drinks and one dish.

It's a great cheap way to have friends over. Since we have had DS, it is a good way to see our friends since they don't have kids and like to go out at night.

I actually like to try new recipes and make yummy food. But really if I'm honest DH does most of the cooking and I do most of the researching.

It's a little stressful, but I like to host our friends and have them see DS since we don't really see them that much otherwise.

We're having some people over for DS's 2nd birthday and we're doing hamburgers, hot dogs, sides, and cake and ice cream. Nothing too fancy, but I do like to make all of the food we serve as opposed to buying it at the store.

[emilyinchile]

As far as the cooking goes, start off easy - host a happy hour type thing where you can just get some cheese and crackers or dips and veggies and call it a day.

We host a lot. We were the first to have our own place, so people got in the habit of coming over (people live at home til mid-20s/30s in Chile), and both H and I enjoy entertaining. I don't think there's anything wrong with not liking to entertain at your home though. I would rather you invite me out than that you tell me if I break a glass I have to pay for it (yes, this has actually happened to me). No one likes a stressed out host.

[princessx]

Here is the key: Realize that people don't spend nearly as much time thinking about you and your house/food/whatever as you think they do.

When you go to other people's houses - do you spend time assessing the cleanliness? The food quality? I mean, as long as the place is not obviously dirty and the food is not bad, do you really even notice?

If I know in advance that people are coming over, I'll do an extra shine up on the areas I know they'll be using (downstairs bathroom, kitchen, family room), but we normally keep a clean house that just gets untidy with kids toys & cat hair. If we do have people just drop in or we invite on short notice all I have to do is make the kids pick up their crap and wipe cat hair off the couch.

Px

[froggy76]

We have just recently started entertaining at our house a lot. I used to have a lot of anxiety over it (what will we do, what will we talk about, what if they notice our messes/unfinished projects??), but I just stopped caring. I want to make more friends and socialize more, and in order to do that I just need to put myself out there and stop worrying.

We do run around like crazy cleaning before people come, but that is good because it's the only time we do clean. Now, I'm inviting people over on purpose just to give us motivation to clean. We tend to make plans with specific people/couples more often than inviting a bunch of people over for a party. It makes me sad if I schedule a party and invite 20 people and only a handful of people can make it.

We don't really cook for guests. We'll order pizza, or grill hot dogs and burgers, or just have people over at night and have beer and snacks. I always accept if others offer to bring food.

Sometimes we'll play board games, or watch something (Oscars, Superbowl), but a lot of the time it's just hanging out and talking, which has always worked out fine and we managed to find plenty to talk about.

[lys]

At first I had some anxiety issues over not being able to do it "well enough", my house was not "nice enought, large enough, my cooking not good enough etc.". Then I got over it. How? It took while, but I realized
No one cares about my house, it's size or decor, nor my cooking skills. They care about spending time together and that is what it is all about.

We do modified pot lucks. We provide main dish and beverages, others bring salad, sides dish and desert.