Xin Nian Kuai Le - my experience celebrating the

[Deleted]

Chinese New Year with a family near Huangguoshu falls, Guizhou.

I know this is crazy long but I wanted to recap my experience for anyone interested in my experience spending 4 nights in a more rural area of China staying with a Chinese family.

I flew with our friend K to Guiyang Airport in Guizhou province. From there, K's girlfriend (F)'s brother drove and picked us up and drove us the 2 or so hours to Huangguoshu, Guizhou where F's family lives. The whole family was there when we arrived: parents, 5 adult children, and 10 grandchildren. The adults were very welcoming, the kids were a bit shy at first, especially the littlest ones (under 2 years old). We sat down and Nai Nai (F's mother) brought us rice and a few other dishes to eat. We had a great eggplant dish. We also had homemade "wine" which tasted like a fruity version of baijiu. The adults played mah jong and the kids hung around and watched TV. F and K handed out hong baos to all of their nieces and nephews. Everyone stayed up until midnight the Chinese New Year. Nai Nai brought out cooked chicken feet and eggs. Throughout the night we were offered fruit, roasted peanuts and sunflower seeds and various Chinese candies. 

I went to bed around 1:30. All the kids were still awake and the adults still playing mah jong.
We slept in the 2 floor apartment that F's parents and brother live in. There are typically 8 people living
there in 5 bedrooms. The bed was very hard and was made up with just a sheet and comforter and pillows. 

Everyone slept in the next day. We woke up and had a breakfast of noodles with some spicy seasonings, green onions, peanuts, and some ground cooked meat. It was pretty good. We had that for breakfast every morning. 

We spent the day wandering around the town immediately around F's parent's apartment and visited one of F's brother's apartments close by. The kids followed us around. They also used their hongbao money to buy some fireworks and sparklers. F's daughter A was lighting fireworks by herself with a lighter - she is 5. There were often babies under 2 around while they were being lit. 

We had Guizhou "fries" for lunch - basically some fried crinkle cut potatoes coated in a spicy seasoning with green onions. They were good, but the potatoes were very undercooked for what I am used to. Dinner was a big meal with most of the family with lots of steamed rice and about 10 other dishes. This was dinner most nights. Leftovers would be served for another 2 days or so. 

The next day we took a local bus to Huangguoshu Waterfall - one of the largest waterfalls in Asia. It was extremely busy because it was the holiday. F and her brother and their kids got in free. F's mother and SIL work at the waterfall charging people money to take pictures in traditional outfits of the minority groups in the area. After we finished at the waterfall we hopped on a local bus driven and run by F's sister and BIL. We eventually ended up back at their house where we picked up more family members. I needed to use the bathroom at this point but we were quickly ushered back out to the bus with about 10 of F's other relatives. We stopped and bought fireworks and then drove to a nearby town. F finally told K and I that we were going to visit the grave of F's BIL's father who died in December. I told F I really needed a bathroom and she had her sister walk with me further into the town where she got a stranger to let me use their squat toilet. Awkward to say the least. We then walked through some fields to the grave. BIL left fruits, juice and candies on the grave for a few minutes then handed them out to all of us to eat. We then waited a long time for some other family members to walk in from a nearby town. They lit candles in front of the grave and spread out all the fireworks. Then most of us walked back to the van while a few adults stayed and lit the fireworks. It was a very interesting and somewhat intimate experience than I feel privileged to have gotten to see. 

We headed back to home base for another big group dinner around a small table. Later, around 11 we went with some of the older kids to street BBQ. Some of F's friends were there and invited us to eat and drink with them. While we were sitting, a fight started behind us with some teens (I think). Some guys from our table went to settle them down and it seemed like it was done. One group eventually ran away when things got a little more heated. Then the other group left and came back about five minutes later carrying these huge foot long blades, ready to fight.  The adults again went over and tried to get them to settle down and they walked a little ways away. Then when things finally seemed to be done, the group that had gone away first, came running back chasing after the other group. They quickly moved to another less populated area followed by a security guard, so we didn't know exactly what happened. When we walked home later we seemed to go by some of the people involved and apparently the kids' parents were summoned to settle everything down. It was a little intense and scary, at least for me. Everyone else seemed to think the kids were just being assholes and weren't serious about fighting 

The next day F, K, and I went to Tianxing National Park where we walked around for a few hours. It was also extremely crowded. It was not a National Park in the American sense. Paths have been constructed throughout the area that wind through an area with some interesting rock formations and banyan trees. Eventually you walk to a large carvern - huge really, then by a couple waterfalls. It doesn't have the same serene feel that parks usually do and there were lots of vendors parked in spots and lots of garbage. In one of the smaller waterfalls, people had thrown plastic bottles in to watch them swirl around in some rocks that created a bowl shaped area. The cave/cavern has had stairs and other things placed as well as tons of colorful lights. It was still very interesting to see, but it was hard to see nature being treated with such little respect and little efforts for preservation. 

That night we went to KTV after dinner to celebrate one of F's nieces birthdays. It was a lot of fun. They wanted me to sing, so I did. I had to do far too many shots of beer. They also had a birthday cake with a very complicated candle for the birthday girl. Chinese cake is much less sweet than American cake and usually includes some fruit. It wasn't bad, but not great enough that I wanted to eat the whole piece. 

After KTV the birthday girl wanted some snacks so we went to the street vendors near the apartment and they got some BBQ stuff to bring home. Then we went back to the apartment and I went to bed. 

The next day we went to watch some dancing for about 5 minute before F's brother drove us to Anshun where we took a bus back to Guiyang airport. 

Some more observations: I was amazed at the difference in child raising. The kids went to bed after me (11 or later) every night. They bought and lit fireworks by themselves. They were often using knives to cut things. They also did a lot of taking care of their younger siblings. They often walked between the homes by themselves. There was no "One Child Policy" to be seen in this family. F is the only one with 1 child, her brothers and sister each have 2 or more kids. 
They only showered/bathed every 3 or so days, presumably when they changed clothes. F's daughter wore the same clothes the entire time we were there. F showered once and changed into a new outfit that same day. 
F's family is doing very well, considering. They have cell phones and her brother has wifi. Her other brother has a fairly nice car. But K's iPad was obviously an oddity and the kids would spend hours sitting on the bed together playing with it. 

F's daughter A is an example of child whose parent has gone to work in a foreign city leaving the child to be raised by the grandparents. A is 5 and has some behavioral issues that were in stark contrast to the behavior of her cousins - manipulative, whiny, destructive, attention-seeking, etc. K and I talked a lot about this while we were there as it was extremely frustrating witnessing and dealing with her behavior. Part of the problem is that F, when she is there, caters to A and spoils her, and has a hard time disciplining her. A's aunts and uncles often had to step in and do the discipline for F because A just wouldn't listen to her mom. K hopes that this won't be as much of a problem when A comes to live in Shanghai with him and F, but I know it will be a huge adjustment and unless F can commit to some serious discipline then nothing will probably change. I wonder if this is a common problem for children with parents that live in the cities and only come home once in awhile to visit. 

Overall, it was a great experience - eye opening as my travels in China usually are. And it definitely made me grateful for the conditions we have living in Shanghai - modern apartment, full plumbing, great public transportation, access to Western products, etc. 

[pittpurple]

This is absolutely fascinating, thanks for sharing!!

[Wanderista]

Thanks for sharing! I liked reading it as well.

[mrsukyankee]

Thank you for sharing, that was a really interesting read.

[potatopie]

very interesting! especially the differences in child-rearing.

[Deleted]

Feb 6, 2014 5:51:40 GMT -5 potatopie said:

very interesting! especially the differences in child-rearing.

This was really what I found most surprising about the whole trip. I've seen rural Chinese homes before, so I was pretty prepared for that. While I knew they have different standards of child safety (Shanghai is the first city to enact laws regarding the use of car seats for children and just did so this year - and I regularly see children riding on scooters/bikes with their parents) I thought I would see something more reminiscent of how I grew up (20 years ago, when riding bikes around the neighborhood was ok as long as we checked in periodically), rather than there being even less supervision than when I was growing up. They were just so casual about the general safety of the kids. 

Another interesting thing that I forgot to mention but am reminded of as I think about it, is the idea of spanking. I saw quite a bit of spanking (usually right as something occurred and not super hard) and swatting/smacking of hands of all the kids ages 14ish months to 10 years. It made me uncomfortable to see so much physicality involved in punishments and reactions, and I was spanked growing up. I wonder if this is something about just her family or if it happens in many Chinese households. 

[potatopie]

Feb 6, 2014 9:02:26 GMT -5 @juliash said:

Another interesting thing that I forgot to mention but am reminded of as I think about it, is the idea of spanking. I saw quite a bit of spanking (usually right as something occurred and not super hard) and swatting/smacking of hands of all the kids ages 14ish months to 10 years. It made me uncomfortable to see so much physicality involved in punishments and reactions, and I was spanked growing up. I wonder if this is something about just her family or if it happens in many Chinese households. 

Ugh. I saw this in rural Italy too with my ILs. And it was just as I was reading the Positive Discipline series about how it's ridiculous to tell your children not to hit as you smack their hand or whatever.

I was spanked as a kid too and I always thought I'd do it as a parent myself (very rarely, but for serious occasions). Now I'm rethinking it. Regardless, I'm sure don't want to smack my child's hand for little things. It always looks so childish of a parent, IMO.