WWMMD? Funeral related

[nonsenseabound]

My aunt's sister just died after a battle with lung cancer. I am sending my aunt a card, but do I put some money in it?

Background: the sister has a husband/three adult daughters and they will be taking care of all arrangments in another state. My aunt's father just died two months ago and I included $25 in that check towards a memorial fund. FWIW, I knew her father a little from my childhood. I do not know this sister except for a few weddings and showers over the years for my cousins.

[mbcdefg]

Money for what?

[UMaineTeach]

no, not needed
I am in the camp that it is ok to give or not give money/gifts when I feel like it regardless of my past performance.

[definitelyO]

I wouldn't send money in the card. if they are taking memorials then make a donation in his name on your own. don't give her one more thing to do or wonder what to do with...

[MadamePresident]

I've never given money for a funeral.

[noodleoo]

If they are asking for donations in her name, you can do that if you would like to. But don't include a random check with the card, that seems very awkward.

[mbcdefg]

You could send money to a charitable organization in the sister's name, but I'd personally only do that if it was requested in lieu of flowers. Or if you know for a fact that the aunt/sister supports that charity.

If you just want to do it to show your sympathy, you could send a gift card to a local restaurant and say something like, "Please order dinner one night, on me."

When MIL died, a friend of hers sent MH a sympathy card and a check, and requested that MH buy some yellow roses (for friendship) and leave them on her grave for him.

[MixedBerryJam]

If there is a memorial fund and you want to donate to it, send a check under separate cover.

I am widowed and I probably received 200 condolence cards. Not one of them had a check made out to me in it. (We had memorial charities [ddh's two favorite charities] that people sent donations to directly if they wished, but did not have an actual memorial fund.)