Need some help (long)

[ilovelamp]

DH told me yesterday that it is time for him to pick his fall classes. He said he wants to go FT and I said that's great. He is currently in EMT school and will be certified and able to work by the end of summer. He wants to continue to the paramedic program and get his Associate degree. These are all great goals that I support.

However, I asked him if he will be working as an EMT PT during school and he said he doesn't think so. I know school is a tougher challenge for him than it is for me (he struggles a bit) but that was our plan so we could move out soon.

It's not that he's lazy (he works landscaping for his uncle's company). I know he is looking at the bigger picture to hurry up and finish school so that we can start our careers. But I thought we could both do school FT and work PT so that we could move out of MIL soon. With him just working landscaping and me working, we won't be able to move.

His argument is that we are young and need to finish school as our priority. Mine is that even though we are young, we decided to get married like adults and need to be independent and on our own.

How do we make this a compromise without him thinking I don't care about how difficult school is for him?

[ilovelamp]

We both get BAH and have always held PT jobs. I'm not sure why we can't ever seem to make ends meet. We don't ever go out to eat/dates, I haven't bought clothes in years, I even quot smoking. I feel like crying right now.

[misshark122]

Because you said you guys can never seem to make ends meet, I would look into figuring out why that is? It seems like that should be a first step.

[brandienee]

Jul 8, 2012 10:23:13 GMT -5 misshark122 said:

Because you said you guys can never seem to make ends meet, I would look into figuring out why that is? It seems like that should be a first step.

This. Do you have a solid budget that you stick to?

I am sorry that you are stressed. Money stress is bad.

[ilovelamp]

We haven't done a budget because it's so overwhelming for me to see how little we have, but I guess I need to do it. Thanks that's a good place to begin.

I feel bad because I don't want to seem like I don't want DH to go to/do well in school, but I also wish he could sacrifice and maybe only take a few classes so he can work more. But then his BAH would go down.

[nsl]

You absolutely need to track your spending so you can figure out where your money is going every month. As overwhelming as it may seem at the moment, I can almost guarantee you that you'll feel more in control of the situation when you know exactly what's being spent where and how much you need to increase your earnings in order to get your own place.

[amaristella]

If he's doing school FT and working PT at his uncle's landscaping to me that sounds like a pretty full plate. Plus that coursework sounds pretty demanding like something that you'd want to give your full attention to. I agree you need a budget, you might be surprised to find out some easy way to cut back.

[ilovelamp]

I well definitely start a budget. It's hard to do when we both work varying hours each week and our paychecks fluctuate.

The school aspect I think I need to lay off him. If he is telling me he is feeling nervous and not confidant about working that much with school I guess I need to listen. It's pretty easy (not easy but easier) for me to work with school so it's hard to understand his feelings sometimes.

I just feel like everything we are doing never pays off. I love my MIL but want my own place. When we were dating/engaged we were financially ready to get married because the "sweet paycheck" we were getting in the military. We both have clear goals we are working towards but I feel like we will never get there.

[basilosaurus]

If you have a good excel budget template, you can fill it in every month (or pay period) to account for the fluctuating paychecks.

What is FT school to you? I always took 16-18 hours, but I think 12 is considered FT at most schools for benefits. That's definitely workable with a job, although it does take longer to graduate of course.

I can't imagine where your money is going, either, if you both get BAH and don't pay rent. Can you post your budget over to MM to get some insight? They'll often have good suggestions for how to get control of your spending.

[ilovelamp]

FT here is 12 hours. That is workable for most, but he really struggles and gets extremely overwhelmed. I want to be there to support him, not discourage him.

I'm scared that when we do a budget and if it's not realistic to move out in the near future, he will be okay (not happy, but okay) with that.

I'm thinking too far ahead. I will do the budget and talk to my new job this week and go from there. Thanks for the help and the push I needed to get in control of our spending!

[crimewatcher]

I know for me, when my cost of living was the lowest I spent all my extras paying down the $5k in CC debt I had. You would be surprised how long that shit can follow you.