Arghhhh, I just want to be left alone!!!!

[chicago]

I must be extra irritable today, but I am totally losing my cool. My mom and mil are incessantly texting, calling, etc for updates. There's no update, there's no baby, she is still safely secured in my body.

My mom called twice in a row tonight and then immediately had my dad text me asking for an update. I was busy doing a million other things so I didn't respond right away. My dad texts again saying she is in full blown panic mode because she hasn't heard from me.

I'm extra bitchy, but this is precisely why I don't want to tell them when I go into labor. I just want to be left alone.

I freaked out at H today too. This is not one of my finest pregnant days - this might be the crankier I've been, actually. If I could go into hiding until DD is here and I'm ready for visitors I would be a happy camper.

[Odonata]

Oh man, that sounds annoying. As I was reading I was thinking "what, are they going to want minute-by-minute updates during the delivery, too?" (probably?)

Is there any way to set some boundaries? Your mom is putting herself into panic mode and that should not be your concern. Let everyone know your expectations about how often you will be touching base and when they will hear from you. It's up to them to control their anxiety about not being in the know. If they can't take it, it's their problem. You've got enough to worry about!

[robinsbff]

this is something i am not looking forward to. in fact we didn't tell anyone a specific due date for this reason, we only said 'late july'. i'm sorry they are bothering you and hope they will stop soon.

[blushing]

Could you start texting them hourly with the word No!? Except keep it up overnight so that you drive them mad.

[picksthemusic]

I hated this when I was pg with DD. At 36 weeks or so, I got it from all sides. MIL wanted updates daily, my mom was texting me all the time... it was super annoying.

On their side of things, they're doing it because they love you and are excited about the baby. Try to keep that in mind.

That being said, you need to set boundaries. They need to know what to expect and you need to be firm. Tell them what you plan to do when you go into labor and how involved you're going to let them be. For us, it was just going to be letting everyone know when we were admitted to the hospital, and then we would let them know when baby was born and we were ready for visitors. If you've already decided who's going to be in the delivery room with you (whether that's just your DH and medical staff, or you want your mom there), you need to be honest with them and say that it's just going to be you and DH there and you'll let them know when you're ready. Also, have your DH be the one to talk to his mom about boundaries here.

And, if you can't keep them at bay on delivery day, let the medical staff be the bad guys. Tell your nurses your wishes and they will keep out anyone you want.

Hang in there.

[anna7602]

Feb 27, 2014 11:36:09 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

That being said, you need to set boundaries. They need to know what to expect and you need to be firm. Tell them what you plan to do when you go into labor and how involved you're going to let them be. For us, it was just going to be letting everyone know when we were admitted to the hospital, and then we would let them know when baby was born and we were ready for visitors. If you've already decided who's going to be in the delivery room with you (whether that's just your DH and medical staff, or you want your mom there), you need to be honest with them and say that it's just going to be you and DH there and you'll let them know when you're ready. Also, have your DH be the one to talk to his mom about boundaries here.

This may or may not work. In our case, we didn't want anyone in the delivery room except DH and my doula. Once we made our wishes clear, this made the "you haven't called back within 15 minutes of my phone call and you are over 30 weeks pregnant" panic mode button go off even sooner.

The best way I found to deal was just to call back whenever the heck I was able to and pull the phone away from my ear during the rant about being panicked before moving the conversation on to another topic. And then I tried not to engage in the post-birth arguments about what a crappy daughter I am for not having called while I was in labor (precisely because I didn't want them showing up any earlier than I was ready for). I can't say I was successful at this every single time, but the topic hasn't come up again in relation to baby #2.

Good luck. It's maddening.

[ilikedonuts]

send them this haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/

[ringstrue]

I dunno that a plan will work. Depending on what happens the plan goes out the window. If they were PART of the plan (like if you wanted them in the room) then I could see that you would tell them when you are in labor. But if they are not part of it then really, there is no reason to keep them updated on nothing. Or, you could have false labor which is that much more a mindfuck.

I wonder if the best bet is to just say that its hurtful to keep being asked for updates, and that you will update everyone when A) there is news, and B) you are available to update.

[changedname]

Dude. Try being 40 weeks, 3 days. My phone is blowing up. I have never been so popular lol.

I'm not really irritated by it yet but I did tell DH that once we are admitted to the hospital, no one is getting an update until baby is born. I'm not giving my ILs play by plays.

I almost feel like putting a fb status - no baby. Don't call us, we'll call you.

I love that people are excited though.

[chicago]

Feb 27, 2014 16:28:46 GMT -5 changedname said:

Dude. Try being 40 weeks, 3 days. My phone is blowing up. I have never been so popular lol.

I'm not really irritated by it yet but I did tell DH that once we are admitted to the hospital, no one is getting an update until baby is born. I'm not giving my ILs play by plays.

I almost feel like putting a fb status - no baby. Don't call us, we'll call you.

I love that people are excited though.

Oh my gosh, I hope you go into labor soon!

I think what annoys me about it is my mom and I (and Mil and I) are NOT close.  She has too many of her own issues to have ever cared about me, but now everything about the baby has become "her business" like she expects us to suddenly have the daughter-mother relationship that I would have loved years ago but have accepted that we don't.  Now she wants to be able to be at the hospital, get the daily phone calls, be there with me after the baby is born and really, my upbringing never made me feel that sense of family that I hope I can create with H and DD/future kids.  I've accepted it but she can't and it's not worth trying to explain to her.  I don't want to hurt her by saying, "Hey, guess why you're not more involved - because you haven't been a mom to me since I was a kid."  

Having the first grandchild is, I know, exciting for them, but it's hard to manage that when I don't feel super family oriented when it comes to them or my ILs.  I feel like a shitty person for saying that, but that's my experience.  It mostly just pisses me off that they feel entitled to this baby in any way, shape, or form.  Selfish of me, I know.  

[anna7602]

chicago, I can relate to some of what you say about your mom. Seeing a daughter become a mother herself brings up all kinds of strange issues. It's hard.