s/o - Opposite of red-shirting

[cosmowife]

DS is starting at a new preschool in August. I was under the impression that it was a 2's program - he just turned two at the beginning of July. However, I learned today that he will be in the class with kids that have birthdays ranging from July (DS) to December. So, effectively, he will be starting a 2's program with 19-month olds. He's always been the youngest at his current daycare - the oldest when he started was 6 months older. He is now in a class with almost all older kids (by several months). I always felt he has benefitted greatly by being around the older kids. He's only been at summer camp for two weeks, and I feel he has made a ton of progress since he started.

Anyway, I just asked his new teacher to move him up to the next class at his new school, which will put him with Jan-June birthdays. I feel like this makes sense for him. His birthday is July 2, so he really only missed the cut-off by 2 days. And since he's always been with older kids, I just felt this was a better fit for him. Am I crazy for doing this? At what point do six-month age spans cease to matter, developmentally speaking? I can't see how being the oldest would be an advantage to him at this stage in his life. I feel like the teacher was a little annoyed with me for asking, and I don't want to be "that mom". However, she agreed to move him.

Thanks!

[mishap]

I agree with you. My DS has always done better when he's around slightly older kids.

And I wouldn't worry about being "that mom." You made a request. She agreed.

[cookiemdough]

I think at that age, there is no reason to be concerned about your request. However, keep in mind that you will need to research your options in a couple of years when he won't make the K cut-off but will have essentially done a pre-K curriculum.

My DS was the youngest in his class. He turned 4 this year and most of his classmates turned 5 and will be going to kindergarten. I think it was actually good for him to be around older kids. My son is shy, but I think that is just his personality and I don't think he is going to "grow" out of that anytime soon. He did really well this year and academically he is more than ready so it did make it problematic when trying to figure out school for this year. He doesn't make the age cut-off for kindergarten. And surprisingly even the private schools are being very strict about not bending in this area. It was difficult for me to find a program for pre-K that would continue to challenge him given he essentially did a pre-K program this year that prepared kids for kindergarten.

i find it strange at the flexibility allowed to parents who want to red-shirt, but if you have a child who misses the cut-off by a day you suddenly don't have options to start them early. It is annoying.

[ttt]

We're facing this issue with SST too. She misses the local cutoff by one week, and she's already somewhat ahead for her age, so I didn't want her to be in a class with all younger kids. This past year she was in a Montessori class with almost all older kids and it was a terrific experience for her. She really blossomed socially by being around older kids.

[cosmowife]

Just to clarify, cookiemdough - the kindergarten cut-off is actually Sept 1, so he will be two months ahead of the cut-off at that time. The preschool decided to make their cut-off on June 30. This was another concern of mine - I didn't want DS to be the oldest for the next three years (2 through 5), and then all of sudden be thrown in with a bunch of older kids when he started K. If he is with the older class, then he should be with the same kids that will go to K with him. I have no idea why the preschool cuts the classes in this manner because it doesn't make sense to me. It seems to punish those July and August birthdays by keeping them apart from their "peers".

Thanks for the comments and advice! The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I am making the right decision for him.

[marynjoe]

Talk to other teachers. Almost all of them will agree that it's better to be the older, more mature kid in the class than be the younger, most immature kid in the class who's always struggling.

[ttt]

Jul 9, 2012 12:24:00 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Honestly, Toledo's SIL is right.

We moved around a ton as a kid. Since US grade schools lag other countries on academics I'd be moved ahead of my age group in the US, but back to it in other places. Being the "special precious bright kid" whose mother pushes for the grade ahead isn't such a treat as a kid.

If the school sucks and can't keep up with bright students, that is an academic issue to address with the school. Pushing for your kid to move up out of some sense that 'older peers are better' is the lazy way out and does your kid a disservice. It is a issue for bullying and sports if your kid is small for the class. It is an issue for when kids hit puberty - do you really want them to have their peers dating even earlier given how accelerated things have become?

I'm pissed that the local culture may mean we have to play that stupid game just so that she can be with her peers.

He's only 2 days past the cut off, though. It's not like he's going to be *that* far behind age-wise. If he were 6 months or more past the cutoff, I could understand the concern, but when it's that close, I don't think it's such a big deal.

[ttt]

Jul 9, 2012 12:32:53 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Jul 9, 2012 12:29:45 GMT -5 ttt said:

He's only 2 days past the cut off, though. It's not like he's going to be *that* far behind age-wise. If he were 6 months or more past the cutoff, I could understand the concern, but when it's that close, I don't think it's such a big deal.

I was commenting more on the other parents putting their 19 month olds in a 2 year old program.

Oh OK, yeah I see what you mean.

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2012 12:32:48 GMT -5 toledo said:

I think, like ttt mentioned, this is where Montessori is an amazing option. I pushed hard to get M into a Montessori school so she would be in a preK/K mixed class, but it didn't work out. We may still pursue the option in the future though.

I loved my kids montessori experience exactly for this reason

[cosmowife]

If it comes to the point where he is not ready in three years to enter kindergarten, then we will deal with it then. However, he is two months ahead of the public school district cut off, yet 2 days behind the preschool (private) cut off. So he will be younger than most in his class once he gets to K, but definitely not all. I think this is the case with all summer birthday kids.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized what the problem is. He has currently been moved up to the 2's at his current school. He is with kids 2 and older - it is in a different building even. To start at the new school with a bunch of younger kids feels like going backwards. He probably wouldn't get the exposure to other kids doing two year old things, like potty training, etc., if he stayed with the younger ones. We can always move him if it ends up being a problem. I just don't want to feel like we are repeating the last six months of school.

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2012 12:26:10 GMT -5 marynjoe said:

Talk to other teachers. Almost all of them will agree that it's better to be the older, more mature kid in the class than be the younger, most immature kid in the class who's always struggling.

This. I'm actually quite glad DD's birthday is 9-2. I myself was started in K early (mid-October birthday) and I honestly believe it hurt me in a number of ways.

Apparently my OB is not familiar with redshirting. Some of you may remember when I posted seeking opinions of elective labor induction, because he tried to talk me into scheduling one for three whole days after my DD. This would have been on 8-30 had I agreed, and one of OB's arguments on favor of this was "You won't have to wait to start school". Thinking "uh, OK......" I chose not to reply since kindergarten was the last thing on my mind and the ability to start a little early is a fucking stupid reason to induce labor at three days overdue.