Are "fast" new relationships doomed?

[escrow]

DH and I met on yahoo personals 11 years and 360 days ago we went out on a date and I pretty much knew by the end of our first date that I was going to fall in love with him. We became pretty much inseparable right away, overnights the first week. Im pretty sure he mentioned getting an apartment together the first 2 weeks. I was so so giddy about him (still am but it's been 12 years so...). We moved in together that July so about 4 months of dating before moving in. We've been married 6 years and life is pretty dang good is that a good anecdote?? Good luck!

Eta- we lived together before getting engaged for over 5 years though. Which was fine, just wanted to mention it. Oh and I use the word pretty way too much

[thatgirl2478]

Maybe not 'doomed' but proceed with caution...

MH and I met at the end of Oct 2001, said we loved each other sometime around the end of Nov '01/early Dec '01, he met my family at Christmas, then on New Years basically 'pre proposed'.  I met his family in Feb '02 (family funeral) and we got engaged in Sept '02, moved in together in Oct.  We married in June '03 and are still married now.  Quick can be OK.

My friend met her guy and within a month they were living together, then they got married super quick / cheap / secret.  They were divorced less than a year later.  Quick can be bad.

Totally depends on the intent & people. 

[Deleted]

I'll give you yet another story:

The guy I dated before H was one of these fast-movers. He PROPOSED to me 3 weeks after we met! It was great, we were so in love, I met his friends, we talked about where we'd live, blah blah...

Um yeah, he unceremoniously dumped me after 3 months because he was 'bored'.

[Deleted]

Mar 1, 2014 14:53:43 GMT -5 lilybug said:

I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks. We met online, so we both knew we were looking for something long term, we hit it off, exchanged numbers, set up dates, walla. We've been out 5 or 6 times, and last night he got us a hotel room. It was awesome. Our chemistry is crazy. 

BUT

He already dropped the L-bomb and wants to talk about possibly moving in together "when [I'm] ready." He is 100% ready to settle down and start a family.

My friends and family are all saying "PUMP. THE. BRAKES. This guy is falling too fast and that means it will end fast, too."

And in the same breath they tell me how they were married within 6 moths of meeting and have been happy together for 10 years. So I don't know.

ML, regale me with anecdotes and advice.

I highlighted the parts that concern me.

I think it's fine to have a fast relationship. When it works, it works. I know a couple who got married after a weekend together and 20 years later they are still together. Not the norm.

How long have you been divorced?

Does this feel exciting to you because it is new?

Does he have his head on straight in other areas?

(Tell me this isn't like the one chick from SO where she lent money to a new bf who didn't have a checking acct.)

Why is your chemistry crazy right now?

What things do you not like about him?


I think there are some red flags and you need to slow your roll. Do you both have kids? How long has he been single?

[cheeseandcrackers]

every situation is different, so hopefully yours turns out to be positive!

[pantsparty]

I don't think it's necessarily doomed. I agree it's easy to mistake those first few weeks or months for love - the excitement, the butterflies, the newness. I fell in love with H quickly, but it was years before we were engaged and then married. Like everyone else has said, there's no harm in taking your time.

[hazel]

Listen to your instinct. I think if you're questioning this/him, then it's most likely not the right situation you're looking for.

[Deleted]

I don't think it is doomed. H and I (well mostly him) moved very fast and we are happier now then we have ever been. We did hit some major rough patches though, I think because of how fast things moved at the beginning.

[Deleted]

It sounds quick to me, but what do I know. My current relationship has moved really fast too and about 4.5 months in things are awesome. Who knows if it will last forever but so far this pace has worked.

I think the funny thing about the word "love" is that it has a lot of different meanings and it's really just a feeling. I think love can mean "you are my soulmate and I intend to be with you forever" but it can also just mean that you think someone is fantastic and they give you warm fuzzy feelings and you care about them a lot. I think it's a feeling that deepens over time. I don't believe someone can know in 3 weeks that they'll be happy together forever, but I think someone can feel a form of love pretty quickly. As long as nobody is jumping to make any commitments yet, I'd ride it out and see what happens.

[lilybug]

Mar 1, 2014 16:54:27 GMT -5 @gypsy said:

Mar 1, 2014 14:53:43 GMT -5 lilybug said:

I highlighted the parts that concern me.

I think it's fine to have a fast relationship. When it works, it works. I know a couple who got married after a weekend together and 20 years later they are still together. Not the norm.

How long have you been divorced?

Does this feel exciting to you because it is new?

Does he have his head on straight in other areas?

(Tell me this isn't like the one chick from SO where she lent money to a new bf who didn't have a checking acct.)

Why is your chemistry crazy right now?

What things do you not like about him?


I think there are some red flags and you need to slow your roll. Do you both have kids? How long has he been single?

I've been divorced 10 mos.

Yes, the newness is exciting. I mean, the whole thing is exciting, but I'm sure some of the "EEEE he's calling me!" will wear off.

He's been at his job for years, I've met some of his long-time friends who are nice and normal, no drugs, etc. I'm sure he has flaws that I haven't discovered yet, but his head seems to be on straight.

Good Lord I would NEVER. Jeez. lol

We're very attracted to each other and have similarly high sex drives.

Dislikes? Early on we had to have a talk about texting frequency. He was wanting more than I could give. That's better now. A couple of his tattoos are kinda lame. He hates onions. Not really a dislike, but I worry about his relationship history. He says he's just had bad luck and dated flakes/cheaters, but WHY do these women keep ditching him?

[janegold]

We didn't actually marry for 2+ years but we both knew it was "IT" within a few weeks. Still going strong after 7 years.

I think it's fine to know that you're really serious quickly, but I do think when there are kids in the picture, it's more important to take things slowly and deliberately.

[craftyesq]

Have you asked him to describe his "flaky" relationships? He sounds very clingy and I would be worried that he would interpret a healthy degree of independence as being flaky.

I guess you can only tell by proceeding with caution.

Please tell more about these lame tattoos.

[darkling_glory]

My parents were engaged after they'd only known one another for two weeks. Married 8 months later. They've been married for 32 years.

They're the most in love couple ever and my relationship role model. <3

[Deleted]

Wait on moving into together. Give yourself a chance to really get to know this guy. Five or six good dates proves nothing.

[MWOS]

The thing that struck me about your OP is that it seems like he (you?) are more excited about finding someone who wants what you want than the actual person, since it's hard to really know someone after 21 days

[Deleted]

I don't know. Sometimes?

Ok, my h and I were friends, then we moved in together, slept together, then started dating a few days later and he told me he loved me after, like, one week. BUT, we had both known each other since we were in our teens and he told me (and still tells me) that he had loved me from the first time he saw me. We're still happy  *-)

[thumper55]

H and I met online and moved in together after 3 months. 

I thought that was pretty fast.

I'd brake at 3 weeks though.

[themoneytree]

H told me he loved me within a few weeks. I said 'thanks'.

We were married within a year. We've now been married for 11 years and counting.

Other guys had behaved similarly and had sent me running for the hills. With H it was different. I had no intention of letting him get away. I probably told him I loved him a couple of weeks after he first said it.

[lilybug]

Mar 1, 2014 19:35:13 GMT -5 MWOS said:

The thing that struck me about your OP is that it seems like he (you?) are more excited about finding someone who wants what you want than the actual person, since it's hard to really know someone after 21 days

. Not me. I was kinda planning on dating around casually for a while. This guy found me online and we hit it off, and I decided to give it a shot. I do worry that this is the case with him, though. He seems very genuine but he's SO into the settling down thing - all of his friends are married and having babies - I can't help but wonder if he's rushing our relationship because he feels left out of that.

I guess time will tell.

[mariafromnj]

Things are completely different when you are talking about a single person with no attachments and a mother with small children.

In general there is not usually a good reason to rush a relationship. If it is true/ real love it will last and slowing things down to really get to know each other is a good idea. Fast relationships can work out but taking a little more time might help it last.

As a mother it is even more important to take things slow. You are not just choosing a partner for yourself but a father figure for your children. Isn't taking things a little slower worth it to be sure you are making the right choice for your future and the future of your children.
There are so many things that people can miss when they are in the early infatuation stage.