Halp!

[ohlawd]

Ok, this is an ae. I post on another board but I am in crisis and need a little advice. Please don't quote, I'd like to dd this eventually.

So H was Natl. Guard and decided he wanted to go AD. So he left for in-processing a little while ago. Today he received orders to Korea, which would be great if not for the following.

About 6 months ago I started therapy and over that time I've realized I do not want to be married to him any more. About three months ago I started putting together plans to leave. I SAH with our son for now and go to school full-time. I recently completed a certification course so that I'd have a better shot at finding a job in a new area. I had always planned to move with him so that we could share time equally with our son, so I haven't found a job in my current location.

I just never expected an OCONUS location, and now I have no idea where to go from here. Separating now doesn't seem like an option with no job and so little time to work out specifics, and I don't want either of us to be without or son.

If I go with him, I'm not sure what options I'll have. I don't know if I would be able to continue school. I do feel that if I moved with him I'd be continuing to take advantage of him.

[ilovelamp]

Not sure about OCONUS moved, but does he know about your feelings of not wanting to be with him? Does he have any clue about this?

[ohlawd]

lamp, yeah. we've had a few discussions in the past. I think he gets the idea that this just isn't going to work out long-term, but I think he is comfortable with clinging to the relationship.

[audette]

Well, first you might want to find out if the option of going to Korea with him was even a possibility. Many assignments to South Korea are unaccompanied, meaning he'd go there for a year, and his family would stay behind.

It's a tough situation to be in. I have to say, I think it would be wrong to let him go to Korea thinking he would be coming home to his wife. On the other hand, you are in a tough place financially. Do you have any support networks where you are that could help you muddle along for a little while if this assignment precipitates a sooner separation than you were planning on?

Do you think your husband would be willing to assist you financially for a number of months until you could get your feet under you, on your own? Maybe approaching him with a specific end-date would help with this? It might help you feel less like you are taking advantage of him, too.

Certainly, to protect yourself, you will want to look into what the legal obligations are. Some states might require spousal support in this situation (doubtful, but who knows...). I would think most states would require child support, at least as long as you are providing most/all of the care for your son.


How soon is he supposed to leave for Korea?

[ohlawd]

I am not sure yet when he'll need to leave. He only had a few minutes to talk.