Post by balletofangels on Mar 2, 2014 16:02:16 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you are going through this with your parents on top of everything else.
I know that when I was sick as both a child and adult it was absolute torture for my parents. I know this because other people have told me, not because my parents ever let on. Once when I was in the ICU a nurse told me she found my dad crying in the hallway. I am so grateful for the support I received and am so sad that this isn't the case for you.
I think your inclination to not even deal with them is spot on. Sure they are hurting, but be fucking adults and support your daughter. This isn't about them. It seems as though you do have support from your husband and others. Obviously, you have a network of support here. You have no time or need for negativity. It has been said countless times, but please let us know whatever we can do to help anyway.
Post by UnderProtest on Mar 2, 2014 16:09:11 GMT -5
Can you have your husband call them and tell them that you are hurt by their lack of support and don't call you until they can be helpful (whatever that means to you personally, but have him specify it to them)? Have him call when you are not present and don't have him tell you what they say. That way they are informed of why you are not communicating with them while you aren't drawn into the mess to be hurt more. You don't need this kind of stress right now. Not that it's the same, but when I was going through struggles to get pregnant and doing IVF, I put a serious wall up between my parents and me. It's what I had to do to get through it. My husband supported this and helped fend off phone calls.
Seriously you guys are doing enough by listening to my petty bitching
Not telling you how to feel, but what you're describing is neither petty nor bitching. If you're hearing a little voice telling you that, I'm asking that little voice very politely to stfu and gtfo.
I'm so sorry. I think a therapist might be a good outlet right now, is that possible? This seriously sucks.
See pp. I'm currently out of my home state where my therapist is
I'm sorry. I really hope your parents can work through their stuff. This is just ridiculous. I'm sure this is the last thing in the world you expected. I just can't imagine.
Ok, I am seeing some serious issues here. Has your mom always been so cold and uncaring towards your needs? Or is this the first time she has acted like this?
Oh I'm sorry you are going through all this. It is unfortunately an usual thing when you have news like yours. I always hate when people try to keep these things a secret. It is better to have everyone's support.
I'm sure your mom is in a weird way trying to deal with this. Trying to feel angry at you instead of for you. She probably can manage that better than the pain and fear she is really feeling.
Don't get discouraged. Try to keep reaching out to her in a way that she can control and decide if she gets back to you. Like, texting her. Don't make her feel guilty just let her know you could really use her support. I hope it doesn't take too long for her to come around but remember this has all been really fast so give it a little time.
Post by Monica Geller on Mar 2, 2014 18:59:27 GMT -5
I've been thinking about you and your mom all afternoon (I hope that isn't creepy) I'm willing to bet that at least part of the reason she's upset that you told people about your health is because it made it "real" for her. And like pp said, she's upset that her kid is sick and is finding something to lash out at, unfortunately that's you.
You're right,though, that it's not about them and they need to realize it.
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I hope your mom and dad come around soon!
Post by aussiecrush on Mar 2, 2014 19:07:48 GMT -5
This isn't petty plus it gives people who care about you and wish they could do more a chance to feel like they are helping just a bit. Hope they can look past their own fear and find a way to support you. Hugs.
Honest Q: Can you be all 'tough love' with your mom? Either by phone, text, or email? Call her out on her B.S. and point out that your diagnosis is not about her and that you need her love + support right now, not to be treated like a leper or pariah. REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY lay it on so that she gets how hurt you are. "I'm your kid, I'm sick, and I need your support right now. Where are you? Still complaining that 'other people know'? Because eff that. Right in the ear. You are being a terrible parent right now and should be ashamed of your behavior".
Because if it was me? I would burn that MFing bridge with a can of gasoline at my side, by now. She has lost her gattdayum mind and needs to be brought back to reality. Now that I am a parent, I would move heaven & earth if my kid was sick. I think your parents could really benefit from talking to someone about this. Do they have someone they look to that could help them see how insane their current behavior is (I know its your mom being a ringleader, but your dad is still standing with her), like a religious figure or even someone thye look up to in their everyday lives? Someone needs to thouroughly shake them and say "your kid is sick. GO BE HER SUPPORT SYSTEM. N-O-W. ^o)"