I'm in tears again

[lime]

I'm so sorry, dovey. You don't deserve this in addition to everything else.

((hugs))

[demelza]

That is really sad dovey . Hang in there. You can put dealing with them on hold at this point, totally ok in my book.

[eb777888]

I just cannot wrap my head around this, at all. I'm so sorry, Dovey.

[yourmother]

Gosh, this is horrible! I'm so very, very sorry.

Have you laid it out on the line and told them directly how this is hurting you? Would your DH jump in and call them and tell them to be supportive and loving? Maybe they need to hear it from someone else? IDK, big hugs to you though.

[poopedydoop]

I would get in their face about it. SHAME THEM. "Why are you treating me differently? I need your love and support. So, am I not your daughter anymore, because I'm sick?"

[isabel]

I can't even wrap my head around how they're treating you. I am so sorry.

[Deleted]

Oh, hon. I know you're mad. I would be too. But please do. not. cut them off. Instead, redirect your search for support. Take solace in other family members, friends or hell, even all the MLers who are so supportive.

I think it's great your SIL helped Dad pay the bill. Maybe she could take over paying all their bills you are currently paying for them? You don't need that added responsibility right now and it will help you distance yourself from your parents during your treatment.

Focus on YOU, your health and most importantly your well being.

[shoeless]

I'm so very very sorry. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. From what little you posted, it sounds like your father wants to be the peace keeper. He doesn't want to hurt you. Give him some guidance on what you need from him and what you will not tolerate from him. (BTW: I am so very very very sorry you mother is making it hard/impossible for your family to support you, you deserve more.)

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Look, I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but if you want to fix any of it (and it is obvious you do) then answer the damn phone. Stop being a martyr about this with them and do something about it.

[justkly]

I'm so sorry. Please do whatever you can to take care of yourself. This is about you right now and that's OK.

[wowhead]

Hugs. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this crap. You need to be focused on you right now and anyone who doesn't understand that hasn't earned the right to be in your life right now. You don't need the additional stress that your parents are causing so changing your number is probably what's best.

[cville]

Que has it right here. You can deal with the parent stuff later. Now is the time for focus on other things.

[pantsparty]

I'm so pissed off for you. I agree with others, focus on yourself. Huge hugs!

[rex]

I'm so sorry. this is awful but I agree they just probably have no idea how to handle this. it doesn't make it right or okay, but all you need to focus on is you.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry that your family, who should be a vital part of your support system, are acting this way. While I agree with previous posters that they are processing it in their own way, it is inexcusable to do so while blatantly chastising and reprimanding you for doing the same.

I would answer the next call, if only just to tell them that you are not okay with how you are being treated by them and you need to be left alone right now to deal with yourself.

[ohiowan]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. You don't deserve to be put through the extra stress from your parents. Focus on taking care of yourself right now and not placating others. Do what you need to do to get through this period.

[ZoeHart]

I'm sorry. This is not something you need to be dealing with right now.

[venice2007]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that with everything else. Hugs, thoughts and prayers to you.

[RoxMonster]

I'm so sorry, Dovey. I can't imagine going through something like you are and not having my parents be supportive. That sucks so bad.

I agree with finding support elsewhere. It sounds like this is how they're dealing with being scared or worried, and while I don't condone their behavior at ALL, I don't know that I would completely cut them out of my life if you have otherwise had a good relationship with them. I would just unfortunately not count on them for support during this time. Find other family, your H, friends, or even all of us here who care about you and will support you.

If it's too hard right now to deal with talking to them, I think it's fine to not answer every call or e-mail. Or be straight up with them and say, "I'm sorry but it's too hard to talk to you when you are not going to be supportive and right now, I just need people around me who will be."

[flex]

Your parents are hurting too. They are terrified of the thought of what could happen to you, and like many people do when they're afraid, they clam up and try not to think about what is scaring them. And their fear comes out as anger.

[flex]

Mar 2, 2014 14:51:33 GMT -5 @dovey1122 said:

Mar 2, 2014 14:44:24 GMT -5 flex said:

Your parents are hurting too. They are terrified of the thought of what could happen to you, and like many people do when they're afraid, they clam up and try not to think about what is scaring them. And their fear comes out as anger.

I can understand that. But at the same time it seems really selfish of them to do. This is about me.

Idk. I'm not a parent, so maybe it's hard for me to relate.

Would it be possible at some point to sit them down and tell them what you just told me?  Not over the phone, but in person.  

[mrsukyankee]

Mar 2, 2014 14:35:39 GMT -5 @dovey1122 said:

Mar 2, 2014 14:32:17 GMT -5 kooshball said:

Do you have a therapist? I think it would be good to have someone to talk to when going through treatment. I find it to be helpful.

I do And I've already thought of setting an appt.  But he's back in Texas and I'm In Tennessee until next week

I'd check and see if he'd be willing to do a phone session. I do them for my clients when necessary. Hugs!

[urbancowgirl]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. ((Hugs))

[sonrisa]

How difficult.

I there a chance your father wanted to take on the bills to lessen your stressors? that the repeated calls are because he is starting to get it? that he wants to step up to the plate and be supportive rather than follow your mother's lead?

[flex]

Mar 2, 2014 15:12:32 GMT -5 @dovey1122 said:

Mar 2, 2014 14:56:32 GMT -5 flex said:

Would it be possible at some point to sit them down and tell them what you just told me?  Not over the phone, but in person.  

Not in the near future. I'm usually 4 hours away, but I'm not home. I'm out of state right now

Okay.  Well I wish you luck once you are able to sit down and talk with them.  



You sound pretty angry about how they're treating you, and I do not blame you one bit.

[litebright]

I'm so, so sorry, dovey. That backstory makes me even more sad/mad for you that they aren't taking care of YOU emotionally right now the way that you deserve, when you've done so much for them in the past and aren't even asking them to drop everything and help, just be supportive.  

Think about what you need right now and where you can get it. Maybe that means setting up some vent/cry sessions with good friends, or looking into a counselor. I'm sorry that your parents unfortunately can't seem to be what you need right now. 

[cc]

I am sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else. (((hugs)))

[eponee]

This makes me so sad for you.  You will have a fantastic support network around you with your husband, friends, work mates etc

[MixedBerryJam]

Mar 2, 2014 13:51:19 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

People tend to lose focus when their children are ill with a frightening disease. Your mother is focusing on how you are telling people about your illness, and is SO angry about it; and thus does not have to face her fear of you being so ill, and doesn't have to participate. It's a defense mechanism, it keeps her angry at some manufactured side issue rather than the real deal. It sucks for you the most of course.

Way to steal my thunder, @cse1960. I was just coming in to say that @dovey1122's mom is so angry about her daughter being sick, but she can't BE angry at her daughter for being sick, so she's being angry at her daughter for something else. It doesn't matter what else; it could be anything, but that thing that she's angry about hurts less than facing having an ill daughter. Especially a daughter with a history of providing such support in the past. It is a defense mechanism, and my guess is that with time, as she is able to see dovey being proactive about getting well, that she will come around. It doesn't help now, I know. But I really, really, really hope that dovey understands this is about her mom, not about her mom's love for dovey. It's just easier to be angry than sad. I hope that makes sense, dovey. And I hope you feel the love and support we're all sending from here. Even if it's not the same, which it isn't. I wish you .... we all wish you ... an easy journey on a smooth paved road.

[allaboutme]

Is there anyone like DH or sister, or a brother even a close friend that can mediate for you... That way they can tell your mom and dad how you feel and decipher what is important for you to have to deal with at this point. (((Hugs)))