thinking/feeling out loud

[Deleted]

I am still really shaken up about what happened on Saturday. When it happened, I thought it was lousy but NBD and I would shake it off. Later that day I started to feel really upset but thought it would pass. Today I'm still really freaked out and have passing waves of panic about it. 

Like it was only a split second and I'm physically fine, but it almost feels like something traumatic happened. I don't want to be a drama llama but I am struggling to process everything. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. 

The panic is mostly related to hating my current town so much and wanting to move. For the first time in the last 10 years, I am feeling so strongly about wanting to move back to my hometown where still nobody locks their doors and virtually no crime happens. H is willing to consider it but it would be a massive life change for us. And impulsive, I'm willing to concede. But how many shitty things can happen to us in this town? The breakin/robbery last summer, the pervert this weekend, threatening graffiti written on the sidewalk in front of our house 2 years ago, and a massive middle of the night two car fight on our front yard right after Andy was born. I cannot take it anymore. I'm terrified to live here, and the crazy thing is we don't even live in a slummy town. Its just an average, mediocre suburb.



I know this is all really disorganized but my head is so scattered right now, I can barely think straight. I don't know what to do.

[ohiowan]

((Hugs)). I'm so sorry. If you don't feel comfortable in your own home, it's definitely time to move. Maybe you need to go talk with a counselor about what happened?

After I shared my experience with more people, it helped to give the man less power in my mind.

[Booze Raccoon]

That's a lot to have happen in a lifetime let alone a few years/one town. I would feel exactly like you do. I think you should definitely talk to someone but also, like ohiowan said, if you are uncomfortable in your own home, it's time to move.

I think shaking up your life to move is not going to make you feel any worse than you do now.

(((missuesbee)))

[poppyseed]

I'm so sorry. That is really frustrating and you have every right to feel the way you do.

[CheshireGrin]

I wasn't around for exactly what happened on Saturday, but reading between the lines, I think you're doing yourself a disservice by trying to minimize its emotional impact on you. It was obviously a frightening and uncomfortable situation which has upset you terribly, and the mere fact that there was no "lasting damage" does not negate that fact. I think you're more likely to gain control over these emotions by confronting them than by trying to convince yourself they're unimportant.

[Deleted]

CheshireGrin Sorry I should have said what happened. I posted about it Saturday. pandce.proboards.com/thread/296075/new

[rex]

I don't blame you for wanting to move, that sounds like an awful place to live.

[CheshireGrin]

Mar 3, 2014 8:37:21 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

CheshireGrin Sorry I should have said what happened. I posted about it Saturday. pandce.proboards.com/thread/296075/new

That's more or less what my imagination filled in. People are sick and I'm sorry that happened to you. 

[Deleted]

Ugh, I am sorry. All of those things would shake my sense of security and make me really anxious. How does your H feel about all of it?

[pantsparty]

I'm sorry How far away is your hometown? Would you need to get new jobs, and sell your house?

[Deleted]

Mar 3, 2014 8:55:11 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

I'm sorry How far away is your hometown? Would you need to get new jobs, and sell your house?

About 4.5 hours south. We would need new jobs and to sell our house. Job opportunity for me is less there (but I've been thinking about "leaning out" lately anyway) but is exponentially more for H if he is willing to commute a few days a week/find a WFH option. We would be leaving my MIL here, which would be sad. But she is our only local family member. We would be moving near my brother and his FI. Houses are cheaper down there, taxes are higher. Schools are great. 

Blah. So much to think about. 

calamity H is ITA about getting the fuck out of here. We both hate it. He is willing to keep my hometown on the table but is more measured about it. He thinks we can find a community in Eastern Mass that we like, and I've pretty much given up on that idea. Not because there aren't nice towns, but because we really can't afford any of them comfortably. Also because my knee jerk reaction is to go rural, like where I grew up, and that doesn't really exist in this part of Massachusetts. 

[cville]

A homeless man on the streets of Rome did the same to me in 1998 and I STILL think about it and get the shivers and the yucks. That fact that you're still bugged is, imo, totally normal.

ETA:  for me, in a different way, it totally had the same safety implications in my head.  I was traveling with my BFF for a month before social media and cell phones.  It was at the same time totally normal (I mean, backpacking around Europe?  I think that's a legit "stuff white people like") and a new challenge for me.  And there I am all "tra la la Spanish Steps!  WHOA PUT THAT AWAY."

[Deleted]

Big life decisions are so hard. Maybe write out a list of pros/cons to staying or going and then work through each possibility.

I hate that new England is so fucking expensive. We are in CT and once my company sells we're moving more south to NC or somewhere else. We have family and friends here but it's just not "us". It's expensive and cold and at least where we are everyone is fucking snobby.

Wishing you clarity and a situation that makes everything simple. Hugs.

[noodleskooze]

I would feel the same way as you. I don't think you're overreacting at all. All of those things would be upsetting individually, so all together, definitely.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry :-( That stuff is a mind fuck. Don't minimize it at all.

[shopgirl07]

I'm sorry you're freaked out.

Things like this can happen anywhere though and rural communities have crime too. I always cringe when people say no one locks their doors in xx town because it's so safe. Nowhere is insulated from crime and we should always take precautions.

I understand about the COL issues though. I recently moved out of Brookline (which I loved, loved, loved) because I couldn't afford to buy there.

[urbancowgirl]

I'm so sorry. I can see why you'd want to move.

I was surprised at how shaken up I was when something similar happened to me. I was in a mall parking lot when some perv in a car exposed himself to me. At first I felt like a bad ass because I followed him in my car until I got his license plate (stupid, in retrospect), but then I burst into tears once I found a security guard and reported it. I still think about it whenever I walk to my car at the mall and it happened 11 years ago.

[Deleted]

Mar 3, 2014 9:20:05 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

Things like this can happen anywhere though and rural communities have crime too. I always cringe when people say no one locks their doors in xx town because it's so safe. Nowhere is insulated from crime and we should always take precautions.

I wondered about this, too. Like I had a perfect childhood, bucolic in so many ways, but a lot changes in over 20 years and of course what happens that the average citizen doesn't know about? My brother is a 911 dispatcher for the county, so I asked him and he says that nothing happens. Lol. Last year they had a string of change theft from unlocked cars, which the police pursued relentlessly until they caught the bad guy. Obviously I know crap can happen anywhere but generally its a much, much safer community. 

Thanks for the validation, everyone. I have an individual appointment with my marriage counselor next week, so maybe I'll bring it up then if I'm still feeling lousy. It makes me feel better just talking about it here.

[venice2007]

That's a lot to deal with. Hugs!

[isabel]

I'm really sorry. It's ok to feel this way and you should talk about it as much as you need.

If moving is going to make you feel better, maybe that's what you should do. But I think it's worth doing some research on crime statistics, visiting a few towns, looking at cost of living, etc. before you make any decisions. I hope you're able to find peace and a solution you're happy with.

[Serenity9]

((@missusbee)) I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's really awful that so much has happened over a relatively short period of time. I hope you can feel more secure and safe, soon!