My mom and I are very close. I wanted her to be in both deliveries, though she was fine with not being there if that's what I wanted. She had been present at several of my aunts' and cousins' births.
I loved having her there. DH kind of got freaked out when I was in pain, and my mom was really my biggest support. She almost acted like a doula for me- she supported me and ran interference with the drs and nurses when she had to. I know that she views the opportunity to be there as one of the most special moments in her life, and I do as well. After DD's birth, she nursed for awhile, but then they took her over to weigh her, etc, while they stitched and cleaned me up. My mom stood next to her and sang her a lullaby when she started to cry. It is one of my favorite memories from her birth.
I think it totally depends on the personalities involved. My mom isn't the most ummmm independent person and somehow it would get all turned around where I was helping her do something while I was in labor (turn on the television, find the bathroom, explain how and where to get water). She just gets super dependent when she is around me and it drives me nuts. She is the same way with DS- oh my, how could I ever know what a 1 y/o eats.
Knowing this, I decided that going into it only DH and I would be in the room. The ILs and my mom were informed that they would get a call when I was in labor when in actuality we didn't plan on calling until I was close to pushing. I ended up with an emergency c-section so all plans went out the window but no one was in the room prior. I did feel bad that no one saw DS for a few days since he was in the NICU but there was really nothing we could do about that.
I had my mom there. We are not like super huggy close or anything- but i knew it would be helpful to have another adult there to help if needed (go get some food for DH, find a nurse, etc) so DH wouldn't have to leave me.
it turned out to be very helpful to have her there... esp once DS was born - so I was never alone and neither was DS - Greg went with him to the nursery to watch him get checked out- my mom stayed with me, but also went over and took pics of DH snuggling over DS in the nursery that were so sweet - then brought them back to show me, etc.
My mom (and I) thought she'd be sitting in the corner just waiting... the nurses had her standing there holding my leg back - she was RIGHT there - and normally I wouldn't have wanted that - but when you are in the middle of labor you don't give a shit who sees your goods.
I was glad she was there. it was the first time she saw a baby be born, other than her own... so it was a special thing for her.
ETA: my mom was THE ONLY other adult i would have let in the room other than DH. She's the only person who would not have annoyed me in any way - she's very chill, doesn't jump in with her opinion on everything, etc. Anyone else would ahve annoyed me being there
I think it would be nice of your sister to ask your mom. I know my mom was there an wanted to be, but would have left if asked.
If I was your mom, and never had my own biological birth, I would absolutely LOVE to be there to support my daughter and be present at the birth of my grandchild.
I would have liked someone there besides Dh who was "on my side" and acutally helpful. This is why I will seriously consier a doula if I get KU again. My mom and DH are not these people. I'm just saying I get wanting someone there and a parental figure seems natural epseically before you know how they'll act in those situations.
Post by ladybug2002 on Jul 10, 2012 10:15:50 GMT -5
My mom is deceased and we didn't ask nor did I want MIL in the room with me. She grates my nerves under normal circumstances, so I might have killed her, especially once my epidural failed.
We didn't even want anyone in the waiting room, to be honest. My dad and his gf got there about an hour after DD was born and that was perfect for me.
My mom would have been less than helpful and I wasn't even sure I wanted my husband in the room with me. L&D scared the shit out of me and in situations like that, I worry too much about how what I do will affect others. So I told everyone all along w/ Jackson that the only person allowed in the room was MH and medical personnel. And the only reason he was allowed was because he was there at conception, lol.
I think if my mom was more of a helpful type, I might have wanted her there. But she would have just driven me insane. That said, we did allow everyone to visit while I was in labor. I wasn't doing anything but hanging out.
Funnily enough, though, she drove me more insane when I had Scarlett. They came down to keep Jackson while we were at the hospital (scheduled c/s) and somehow it became all about her and how the nurses wouldn't give her any info on the c/s - even though I TOLD HER not to bother coming to the hospital - with Jackson, mind you - until like 9am (my c/s was scheduled for 7:30). Instead, she woke him up at 7 so they could be at the hospital at 7:30 (we had to be there at 5:30). Ridiculous.
It's also a good point that it depends on your H and your mom and how helpful they are. My mom doesn't respect my choices, and I have to explain my reasoning. Not something I wanted to do between cxs. MrP is a level-headed advocate and knows my weaknesses better than I do. He was all I needed.
I don't know anyone IRL who did this. The only people I "know" are from the internet.
I am VERY close with my mom, but there is no way in hell I would have wanted her there. It was an experience for H and I. I think often those who want their moms don't have a supportive H (Not saying always, but often) who can help them through it. I have that. I don't need a crowd, lol. Plus, I find it to be a special moment for the couple. At least it was for us. It was private, at least as private as it can be with a doc and a nurse lol.
Plus, as close as my mom and I are, I'm much more likely to snap at her than H....and that is multiplied times 100 while in labor.
I think it's a pretty normal thing to have your mom in the delivery room if you need the support and are comfortable with it.
I had my mom in the delivery room for my first. This time I don't want anyone but DH there and my mom is very disappointed about it. She really wants to be there as does my little sis so she can see what it's like.
I am not sure what I will want, but in the end I will probably have my Mom in there. I was in the room with my BFF when her daughter was born - it was me, her mom and her two sisters (and her H, of course).
Wow, that's a lot of people!!! I wouldn't want anyone but my H there. I don't think I'd be comfortable otherwise. I'm worried H will want his mom there when we have kids, but i say a big HELL NO to that.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jul 10, 2012 11:05:51 GMT -5
My mom is not my biological mom. She was present when Babycakes was born. We are very close, and it was important to me that she be there for my son's birth since she couldn't be there for mine. My MIL was in the room off and on through labor but not for the actual delivery. As the labor got really intense I had to ask XH to get her to leave because her incessant chatting was really distracting.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
yeah there is no way I'd let my MIl see all that. I always laugh when newbies on the bump say they are going to have someone else in the room stand by their head so they can't see anything. They are in for a rude awakening when they go into labor, lol. H was by my head (holding my hand) and he could see EVERYTHING.
Never really thought about it, but considering the situation and the fact that my mother is elderly and one of the two most important people in my life, I would probably seriously consider it. It actually makes me tear up thinking about having my husband on one side and my mother on the other side of me. Needless to say, I would never consider having my MIL in there even though we have a good relationship.
Post by pedanticwench on Jul 10, 2012 15:19:45 GMT -5
So it's weird that I would want my mom in the room with me? She isn't required if she's not interested, but I definitely see her as someone who will calm me down and be good to me, especially if H needs a break.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
Nope, sorry ma, not gonna happen. My mom and I are very close but I wouldn't want her in the room with me. She knows how private and curmudgeony I am, though, so I know she wouldn't expect it at all.