I don't understand this reasoning at all. I have had a billion scans because my doctor recommended them, not because I care about finding out anything besides whether the baby is developing the way it should be. If I could dispense with all the scans and tests without worrying that something health-related would be missed, I'd happily do so.
Also, who are "all these people" who actually keep track of my baby's sex in their busy lives? I was pushing DD out last time when my doctor asked for clarification about whether we wanted to circumcise or not. She clearly didn't remember if she had seen that I was having a girl somewhere on my charts. In fact, in the moment, I thought my baby was coming out breech and that she had seen a penis.
Obviously your doctors and u/s techs don't care what sex your baby is, but in my opinion they are putting in extra effort, however small, to protect your baby's secret gender info before the birth, i.e. telling parents to look the other way during the anatomy scan or putting a note in your file to not mention the baby's sex.
It seems silly to act like you're being extra breezy about the whole thing compared to parents who find out when the medical professionals do. Like I said, I don't care if parents want that big surprise, I can certainly understand the arguments in favor of it even if I prefer something else. I disagree with the notion that team greens are breezier than the rest of us regarding gender based on that preference.
Our a/s was done at a separate facility and the ultrasound technician just put in our notes that the baby's genitalia was developing normally. She never put a specific sex on the paperwork, so no one can "slip up" and spoil it for us. In fact, the midwives at my clinic have never even asked me if I knew the sex or mentioned it in any way. I don't really think they care. So I do not feel like anyone has been putting any extra effort into having to keep some big secret for us.
I'm not any more curious about the sex of our baby than I am about what color hair the baby will have or what its face will look like. I guess you could call that breezy, but I truly don't care THAT much.
Obviously your doctors and u/s techs don't care what sex your baby is, but in my opinion they are putting in extra effort, however small, to protect your baby's secret gender info before the birth, i.e. telling parents to look the other way during the anatomy scan or putting a note in your file to not mention the baby's sex.
It seems silly to act like you're being extra breezy about the whole thing compared to parents who find out when the medical professionals do. Like I said, I don't care if parents want that big surprise, I can certainly understand the arguments in favor of it even if I prefer something else. I disagree with the notion that team greens are breezier than the rest of us regarding gender based on that preference.
Our a/s was done at a separate facility and the ultrasound technician just put in our notes that the baby's genitalia was developing normally. She never put a specific sex on the paperwork, so no one can "slip up" and spoil it for us. In fact, the midwives at my clinic have never even asked me if I knew the sex or mentioned it in any way. I don't really think they care. So I do not feel like anyone has been putting any extra effort into having to keep some big secret for us.
I'm not any more curious about the sex of our baby than I am about what color hair the baby will have or what its face will look like. I guess you could call that breezy, but I truly don't care THAT much.
Fair enough! I'll admit I don't know too much of the details for how team green operates. Most of the team green parents I know IRL have been just as excited to know gender as those who found out, they just wanted to delay the discovery for maximum excitement or to avoid gender disappointment. That doesn't seem to be the case for many of the posters in this thread.
I feel like I should tag Odonata on this one since maybe it will make her feel better to know that her mom isn't the only one without a filter.
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Thanks for that reassurance! I had to come back on tonight because I was just out at my aunts b day dinner and my mom was going on and on about how we shouldn't find out the sex because it should be a surprise. I was like Ok. I won't tell you and it'll be a surprise for you when it's born. OMG she wouldn't stop! So annoying.
And then she stated to badger me in front of everyone because I ordered plain pasta with butter and why not the fra Diablo or some other heavily spiced dish I could not eat. When I finally caved and said because I'm to sick to eat anything else she rolled her eyes and said To MH "poor H, has to put with her complaining."
I had my first pregnancy cry on the car ride home. I don't think I'll call her till after the baby is due. It's like she's picking on me because I'm pregnant!
Sorry to thread Jack. It started revenant and on topic at least!
In my experience the Team Green people are more "look at me me we don't know and we are going to drive you nuts about that by mentioning it constantly." We have always found out because I bond better with the baby if I can call it by name and plan for pink or blue. But, I get not wanting to know it just isn't for us.
Is it rude for family and friends to ask and want to know? Absolutely not. If they are arguing with you about it, then that is strange and annoying. Of course, I am of the belief that "it takes a village" and we are very open about the pregnancies and birth of our children. I don't care if the whole family shows up at the hospital because the baby belongs to our family and not just my DH and I. Pregnancy hormones play into the way we react as to situations like this. I may be very breezy about these sorts of things though!
Post by catsarecute on Mar 7, 2014 21:33:28 GMT -5
I don't have an opinion or a care if other people find out the sex of their baby ASAP or wait until birth but stop saying "we want it to be a surprise." It was a surprise for me when I found out at 19 weeks. It's a surprise for everyone- it just varies when you get that surprise.
Post by curbsideprophet on Mar 7, 2014 21:42:24 GMT -5
With DD I think our chart just said anatomy normal. I don't think anyone other than the u/s tech knew if it was a boy or a girl.
I obviously can not compare the two experiences yet since the second one is not here yet. Maybe I will regret finding out early this time or maybe I won't really care.
Post by curbsideprophet on Mar 7, 2014 21:53:51 GMT -5
So what are team green people supposed to do or say? Since that is one if the first questions someone asks, "do you know what you are having?"
I don't know if I ever brought it up if someone did not ask. People often ask why you are not finding out. I had a variety of reasons, but one was I did want to be surprised. I don't see anything wrong with giving that as a reason.
Post by centralsquare on Mar 7, 2014 22:01:15 GMT -5
There is a lot of defensive shit on this thread. Why is it such a big deal what anyone else chooses? It doesn't mean anything good or bad about your choice. Yowza.
FTR, the only thing I think is crazy about finding out the sex is those stupid reveal parties. "Omg the cake is blue!!!!" OY.
If you don't care either way, just find out when everyone else involved in your pregnancy does.
It seems like what the team green people care about is 1) a healthy baby of either sex and 2) enjoying that exciting moment when the doctor says it's a big or girl. Parents didn't used to find out until then, and there's no reason anyone can't have that.
I totally get why people want to be Team Green. I wish I were capable of waiting all that time, but I ruin any surprise I can - read spoilers, look for presents, snoop for information, etc. That and I'm kind of a control freak.
If you don't care either way, just find out when everyone else involved in your pregnancy does.
It seems like what the team green people care about is 1) a healthy baby of either sex and 2) enjoying that exciting moment when the doctor says it's a big or girl. Parents didn't used to find out until then, and there's no reason anyone can't have that.
No one is pretending not to care.
Well, there are a few people in this thread who have said very clearly that they do not care, so I've been taking them at their word. I agree that all of the team green people I know IRL care equally as much as anyone who did find out early, we just differ on when we want that discovery to take place.
I agree with you on gender reveal parties being utterly lame.
I don't think that I want to know. I have a preference and I hate surprises so this is uncharacteristic of me. That said, I don't care if other people choose to find out. Everyone will find out at some point, it doesn't really matter when.
I don't care one way or the other if someone is team green, but I confess that I am confused by the artificial secrecy of it all to ensure that the parents get their big delivery room reveal. I mean, the u/s tech knows, all your doctors and nurses who look at your chart know, but they all do this elaborate dance around the team greens to preserve the "gender surprise."
It almost seems like you're taking it *more* seriously than those of us who find out at the anatomy scan. If you don't care either way, just find out when everyone else involved in your pregnancy does.
Only the ultrasound lady I will see once will know. I carry my own maternity notes to my midwife and doctor appointments. I know what it says in there. The report will only state if there are any abnormalities and the size if certain things. There will be no "artificial secrecy". I have been through this before. I have also been through the comments of how horrible we are for not finding out before. I know what I am in for.
Obviously your doctors and u/s techs don't care what sex your baby is, but in my opinion they are putting in extra effort, however small, to protect your baby's secret gender info before the birth, i.e. telling parents to look the other way during the anatomy scan or putting a note in your file to not mention the baby's sex.
It seems silly to act like you're being extra breezy about the whole thing compared to parents who find out when the medical professionals do. Like I said, I don't care if parents want that big surprise, I can certainly understand the arguments in favor of it even if I prefer something else. I disagree with the notion that team greens are breezier than the rest of us regarding gender based on that preference.
Our a/s was done at a separate facility and the ultrasound technician just put in our notes that the baby's genitalia was developing normally. She never put a specific sex on the paperwork, so no one can "slip up" and spoil it for us. In fact, the midwives at my clinic have never even asked me if I knew the sex or mentioned it in any way. I don't really think they care. So I do not feel like anyone has been putting any extra effort into having to keep some big secret for us.
I'm not any more curious about the sex of our baby than I am about what color hair the baby will have or what its face will look like. I guess you could call that breezy, but I truly don't care THAT much.
Same here. Anatomy scan was done at a separate facility and the baby's sex was noted in that facility's files but not forwarded to my OBGYN. There's no elaborate secret keeping at all. Btw, my doctor said 60 percent of her patients do not find out the sex, which I thought was pretty high.
Do your thing. I get being irritated when your decisions are questioned, whether it's finding out the sex or deciding when bedtime is or whatever. We chose to find out, but honestly would have been happy with either sex.
The anecdotes that bug me are the ones like my brother and SIL, who said repeatedly, "We would have loved whatever God gave us," as if to imply that we will somehow love our child less because we chose to find out the sex and do other prenatal testing.
But parents who are not overly pious about it and are just having fun and want the birth-doctor-exclaims-"It's-a-______"-experience? What the hell - go for it! Find your joy where you can! I can't imagine second-guessing some else doing something completely harmless because it's fun and exciting for them!
As someone who is horrible with surprises and couldn't wait to find out, I can totally see the appeal of Team Green. I don't understand why anyone cares what a person decides to do...it certainly doesn't come off as AWish to me to not find out.
Its such a personal choice and I'm sorry that people are making you feel bad about it. Both h and I wanted to find out but our families where opposite. Most if them didn't find out and kept telling us how great it was. My parents had no idea and planned on me being a girl which worked out. For me, I need time to process and accept. It was a huge surprise that we were having a girl bc I always pictured us with boys and both our families are pretty much all boys. I was shocked and it took me a few weeks or to adjust from what I expected. I'm so excited now and I'm sure I would have been fine finding out at delivery but I know myself and know I need time to process and plan things so it works for us.
The anecdotes that bug me are the ones like my brother and SIL, who said repeatedly, "We would have loved whatever God gave us," as if to imply that we will somehow love our child less because we chose to find out the sex and do other prenatal testing.
The anecdotes that bug me are the ones like my brother and SIL, who said repeatedly, "We would have loved whatever God gave us," as if to imply that we will somehow love our child less because we chose to find out the sex and do other prenatal testing.
Ugh. That is so condescending.
Alas, it is par for the course with them. But it does start to rankle a bit after one hears it repeatedly, lol.
Post by earlgreyhot on Mar 8, 2014 19:40:08 GMT -5
I've now done it both ways (didn't find out with DS, but did learn I am carrying a girl this time) and having the "surprise" was fun and magical. But finding out this time is also really nice too.
The speculation was a lot of fun when I was team green, especially hearing what other thought. Everyone saw something different.
This time, though, I felt the need to be more practical. Also, I did have a preference towards another boy and would like time to fix my mindset about that now vs in the delivery room. And that's working out!
It seems like what the team green people care about is 1) a healthy baby of either sex and 2) enjoying that exciting moment when the doctor says it's a big or girl. Parents didn't used to find out until then, and there's no reason anyone can't have that.
No one is pretending not to care.
Well, there are a few people in this thread who have said very clearly that they do not care, so I've been taking them at their word. I agree that all of the team green people I know IRL care equally as much as anyone who did find out early, we just differ on when we want that discovery to take place.
I think you are reading them wrong. I think people care about a healthy baby. Maybe they don't care about having a boy or a girl, but they do care about the surprise, and what's wrong with that?
You seem to be pretty invested in "outing" people who are team green as some kind of thing that you are projecting onto them. I don't get it.
I don't have an opinion or a care if other people find out the sex of their baby ASAP or wait until birth but stop saying "we want it to be a surprise." It was a surprise for me when I found out at 19 weeks. It's a surprise for everyone- it just varies when you get that surprise.
Clearly, the unspoken end of that sentence is "we want it to be a surprise...at delivery."
Some people don't want it to be a surprise *at delivery* because they want to decorate their nursery or get used to having one sex or the other or temper disappointment or buy an entire pink wardrobe.
I happen to know two people who were told definitively it's a boy/girl, and it turned out to be a girl/boy -- one of each type! So even if you think you're getting your surprise early, you might get a second surprise when you actually birth that baby
Post by curbsideprophet on Mar 9, 2014 19:35:11 GMT -5
Being told the wrong thing was one of my reasons for being team green the first time around. I don't think I would have handled being told wrong the first time around. For me it as easier to prepare for either.
Finding out this time we got the best case scenario if a mistake was made. At this point we are preparing for a boy. It it turns out to be a second girl, I would be okay with that. Although we will probably have to scramble to come up with a name. If we ever decide on a boy name maybe we can come up with a girl name just in case.
Odonata, I am really sorry to hear about your crappy dinner out with your mom. Big hugs to you.
Look, it does take a village, but that village does not need to include people who are related to you. Obviously, things are easier if you're born into a family of supportive and helpful people. But it IS possible to branch out and create your own community step-by-step, it just takes a lot more time and work.
Wishing lots of strength to the ladies whose families are critical and insensitive!