No interest in finding out the babies gender

[blushing]

(This post is not to judge anyone who has found out their babies gender. I understand that some people want to find out the gender and I think that is great for them. This is just me expressing my opinion).

We plan on being team green. I have no desire to find out the gender before the baby is born. We never did with DS and I loved it. We have not even had the NT scan yet to know that everything is ok and already I have been told by my usually supportive family that I am selfish, mean and horrible because we are not going to find out. Apparently it is unfair, especially to my son, etc.

I can deal with them because I know my IL's are going to do the same thing. It happened last time too.

But, I have also noticed on my BMB on the Babycentre that almost every second post (if not more) are look at this ultrasound, can you see a willy? Nub theory? Does this chinese gender test work, etc. They seem obsessed with working out the baby's gender and most are only 11-13 weeks. They are on the NHS, a 2D black and white ultrasound at 12 weeks is not going to tell you the gender.

I just don't get the obsession. Is there something wrong with me? I really and truly mean it when I say that all I want is a healthy baby.  

[Deleted]

No I mean it wasn't that long ago that finding out the gender before birth wasn't an option. So I do not think there is anything wrong with that.

I just personally cant wait for anything

Signed, the girl who would unwrap all my presents under the tree late at night before xmas and then tape them back with scotch tape so no one finds out

[pitterwoo]

Either way is fine. I really wanted to know as soon as we could. I didn't waste too much time on the superstitions, but I will admit I looked at a couple. There are enough mysteries and surprises with having a kid for me and I just really wanted to know this.

[zarapipe]

I don't want to know this time, we did find out with DD though.

DH is adamant about finding out.

A fight will be fought around 18-20 weeks. I intend to win.

[IndiaInk]

We are not finding out either, and I love it! I feel like it allows me to enjoy "getting to know" our baby for a while without putting any gender expectations on him/her. I have moments of really wanting to know but overall I think it's a fun surprise. I really look forward to the moment the baby appears and getting to find out!
I suppose it helps that I like pretty gender neutral colors - the nursery is blue and orange. I wouldn't have my girl in tons of ruffles and pink anyway, so im glad to avoid that somewhat by not finding out.

[mannah]

I also have no interest in finding out the sex before delivery day. It's not driving me crazy in the slightest like people have told me it would to them. I like thinking about it being either and I think it will be the best thing ever to hear someone announce the sex after it he/she comes out!

[anna7602]

I'm with you. I think someone posted in a confession thread recently that everyone has a gender preference and they're lying if they don't. Well, okay, consider me a liar. There are days that I think having another girl would be nice because DD really wants a sister, there are days that I think having a boy would be fun because I have never had that experience, but all these feelings come and go. I seriously don't have a strong preference.

Above all, I just worry about what kind of relationship this child and DD will have, and those things develop independently (IMO) of whether they're the same sex, close in age/further apart in age, etc. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister and like 2 of my siblings a lot more than the 3rd sibling, simply because I find the 3rd sibling to be a difficult person. My other 2 siblings feel the same way about him. Meanwhile, one of my very favorite cousins is a male who is 10 years older than me, .

Anyway, my family isn't all that supportive in the best of cases, so I'm not surprised that when I announced my pregnancy, one of the first things they said was that I "have" to find out the sex this time. No, actually, I don't. But thanks for your opinion, familia!

(Sorry to go on and on, but I've seriously had to answer the "why aren't you finding out" question so many times that it's tiring!)

[Odonata]

Oh man, I'm one of those who want to know NOW! But I'm just really excited and I'm not one for surprises when it comes to myself. I am also horribly impatient, which is why I took early tests after each my IUIs before I went in for my pregnancy tests. I NEED to know things. It makes me feel safe.

But I totally can understand wanting to wait and be surprised. My friends waited and it was such a good feeling to hear "it's a girl!" and the name, which we didn't know either. I often thought about waiting to beings surprised in the delivery room, but then I realized it's not for me. I would last one day, tops.

However, what I really do not understand is how you are considered selfish, mean, and horrible for NOT knowing or telling people. Where the hell is that logic coming from? They're going to find out one day anyway! If anything it's selfish, mean, and horrible for people to even label you that. How is it not selfish to put such stress on a mother because you want to know something that's none of your business?

[blushing]

Mar 7, 2014 13:00:26 GMT -5 mannah said:

I also have no interest in finding out the sex before delivery day. It's not driving me crazy in the slightest like people have told me it would to them. I like thinking about it being either and I think it will be the best thing ever to hear someone announce the sex after it he/she comes out!

With DS we asked them not to announce it. They delivered DS straight onto my stomach/chest area and he was lying on his side. DH and I both discovered at the same time as we opened his legs that he was a boy. It was one of the most special moments of the whole delivery when DH and I said together 'its a boy'. It's a moment I will never ever forget. I still get giddy when I think about it. I do realise that next time it probably won't go that way, but thats ok too.

[curbsideprophet]

I understand not wanting to know. We were team green the first time, I loved it.

DH really wanted to find out this time, so I said okay. I think I had stronger feelings about being team green last time and he went along with it. At this point I am sort of glad we found out. Since this one is a boy we are able to do some rearranging before he gets here. Had it been another girl we were debating having both kids share a room. We could have done it after the fact, but this seems easier.

If people want to find out, cool. If not, I am okay with that as well.

As far as sex preference, I went back and forth the first time, but think I did have a slight preference for a girl. However I thought I might relate better to a boy. The second time I was torn. I could see the appeal of having two the same sex and one of each.

[blushing]

Mar 7, 2014 13:02:02 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Above all, I just worry about what kind of relationship this child and DD will have, and those things develop independently (IMO) of whether they're the same sex, close in age/further apart in age, etc.

This is a big worry for me. I think part of it is the age gap between the kids. DS has had DH and I all to himself for almost 7 years (by the time the baby comes). He is not used to sharing attention. I am worried about how this will affect his relationship with #2. He has told me that he does not want a brother or sister. And then sometimes he says a brother would be ok because girls are gross. lol.

I am hoping to buy him over (at least for a little while) with a Ninetendo 2DS when the next one comes. He really, really wants one. We will work on the proper relationship stuff later.

[aqualuv]

There is nothing wrong with you. We are team green as well and we have received comments about are you sure, what kind of gift are we going to buy the baby, you can't do that etc. My H has no strong feelings either way, but I would like the surprise of waiting until delivery to find out the gender. As the cliche goes, there aren't many surprises left in this world and my typical type A personality could use a challenge of waiting and finding out. I love the gender neutral nurseries and we will buy gender nuetral clothes. No big deal to me. Plus we have names picked out for either gender so we are good to go there as well.

The other reasoning of waiting is that I don't want to have gender disappointment. Prior to becoming pregnant we always said we wanted a son. Based on my first trimester everyone thinks we are having a girl. Not that I think I would be disappointed now if we found out we were having a girl, I'm just not sure. I figure by the time this baby comes I will be so excited to have my baby here I want care if they are a girl or boy. At least that's my rationale and I'm sticking with it. Lol!

Plus some of my friends have said we shall see if you really wait and see, now I see it as a real challenge because I hate when people tell me I can't do something.

[Odonata]

Mar 7, 2014 13:31:03 GMT -5 aqualuv said:

Plus some of my friends have said we shall see if you really wait and see, now I see it as a real challenge because I hate when people tell me I can't do something.

I hate this above all.

"Wait, you'll see" drives me up a fricking wall.  Especially when they say it with that sing-song voice with that damn big 'ol "all knowing" smile.  It's like you're an idiot and they are some wise sage and you're about to learn a valuable lesson.

I'm not team green but I've actually been told "just wait, you'll probably be sorry you found out early" from other team greeners.  

So, jerks on both sides of the field, I guess!

[CrazyLucky]

We didn't find out with either one. Totally up to you, and just ignore people who whine about you not finding out. Your baby, your choice. Almost everyone I know says they can't wait because "I'm a planner." There isn't that much different in the planning between a newborn boy and a newborn girl. Just pick neutral bedding and put him/her in onesies for a week. After that, the new clothes from generous people come flowing in!

[anna7602]

Mar 7, 2014 13:31:03 GMT -5 aqualuv said:

Plus some of my friends have said we shall see if you really wait and see, now I see it as a real challenge because I hate when people tell me I can't do something.

I hate these kinds of comments. Why do people feel the need to say them? I got this last time with the Team Green thing and when I expressed my wish to have a med-free birth. How can it possibly be helpful for someone to say, "we'll see how you feel when xyz..."

[jene]

Mar 7, 2014 14:29:21 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Mar 7, 2014 13:31:03 GMT -5 aqualuv said:

Plus some of my friends have said we shall see if you really wait and see, now I see it as a real challenge because I hate when people tell me I can't do something.

I hate these kinds of comments. Why do people feel the need to say them? I got this last time with the Team Green thing and when I expressed my wish to have a med-free birth. How can it possibly be helpful for someone to say, "we'll see how you feel when xyz..."

Oh I hate this. 

[aqualuv]

Mar 7, 2014 14:29:21 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Mar 7, 2014 13:31:03 GMT -5 aqualuv said:

Plus some of my friends have said we shall see if you really wait and see, now I see it as a real challenge because I hate when people tell me I can't do something.

I hate these kinds of comments. Why do people feel the need to say them? I got this last time with the Team Green thing and when I expressed my wish to have a med-free birth. How can it possibly be helpful for someone to say, "we'll see how you feel when xyz..."

I do too! Actually I even heard these type of comments from two pregnant friends. I'm like WTF. One said it regarding finding out the gender and the other about how I will feel about working out during pregnancy and how much weight I'll gain. I understand this is my first pregnancy and first kid BUT it does not mean I'm an idiot.

[loira]

I don't think it's odd you don't want to know. It's your family members who are being selfish by trying to make this all about them when the decision has nothing to do with them at all.

We're going to find out, but I find it weird that people have such strong opinions about it, one way or the other. I was told by someone a couple of weeks ago that we 'shouldn't find out because it ruins the surprise'. Maybe we don't want to be surprised, or maybe we'd just rather be surprised at 20 weeks. I just put on my bitchiest voice and said 'well, we already know it's either going to be a boy or a girl, it's not like it's going to be something completely different'. Maybe you can come up with an equivalent for not finding out... something like 'well here's what we did find out... it's a BABY'.

I wouldn't worry too much about the age difference between your DS and his sibling. There are 11 years between my brother and me, and though I can't say we had anything in common during my teen years (I'm the oldest), we are pretty close now. Plus, in 6 years or so, you'll have a built in babysitter. Very handy!

[Odonata]

Mar 7, 2014 16:03:48 GMT -5 loira said:

I was told by someone a couple of weeks ago that we 'shouldn't find out because it ruins the surprise'. Maybe we don't want to be surprised, or maybe we'd just rather be surprised at 20 weeks.

That's been my thought!  We'll be surprised in the room!

And I second questioning why people are so passionate one way or the other.  I want to know but I'm not going to judge others who are team green.  Why does it matter?

[robyn]

Mar 7, 2014 14:29:21 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Mar 7, 2014 13:31:03 GMT -5 aqualuv said:

Plus some of my friends have said we shall see if you really wait and see, now I see it as a real challenge because I hate when people tell me I can't do something.

I hate these kinds of comments. Why do people feel the need to say them? I got this last time with the Team Green thing and when I expressed my wish to have a med-free birth. How can it possibly be helpful for someone to say, "we'll see how you feel when xyz..."

OMG I hate the "we'll see how you feel when" crap! I'm the last in our large group of friends to be pregnant and have kids, and I feel like every single thing kid or baby or pregnancy related that I have an idea or opinion on someone is throwing this out. Or just flat out telling me I'm wrong to like/want/suggest XYZ. I'm very interested in placenta encapsulation, and DH is on board. But we both agreed we will not share that with anyone, because we just don't want to hear it.

We weren't dead set on finding out the gender, still aren't actually, but have decided to find out together at our a/s on Wednesday. Because of my gestational diabetes I'll be having a lot of ultrasounds toward the end and I would hate it if we didn't find out now and then at an u/s a tech slipped up and told me, or I saw and DH wasn't there with me. But when I had expressed to friends that we were maybe not going to find out it was like I was seriously cutting out their heart or something. I don't get it.

Thankfully SIL didn't share her daughter's name until birth, because that is something DH and I are planning for sure, to keep the name to ourselves until the baby is born. Mainly because we want to be able to change our minds. Plus I just don't like the stuff with baby's name all over it and don't want a bunch of it.

[anaps28]

We are going to find out bc I'm a planner but I sort of don't feel like telling people bc then the inevitable starts with "oh it's another boy?!" Or "so exciting a girl!!!" Why would I be upset if it's a boy? I'm just happy to be having this child!!! I have zero preference. Some of my friends have already been like maybe is a girl this time!!!! Why do people care so much?

I am 7 yrs and 11 yrs apart from my brothers and growing up we weren't close but as I approached my late teens we got super close and my oldest brother is my best friend and we still talk daily via text. He recently had a baby and I think that brought us even closer.

[thatgirl2478]

I get not wanting to know - it's kind of the last big surprise you can have. But I am solidly on team find out. I wish I could know sooner as I still have ALL of DD's clothing and REALLY want to get rid of it. If it's a girl, I can get rid of about half of it since the kids would be about 6 months (a full season) apart size / age wise. If it's a boy... I can get rid of ALL OF IT!

[anna7602]

Mar 7, 2014 17:10:05 GMT -5 thatgirl2478 said:

I get not wanting to know - it's kind of the last big surprise you can have. But I am solidly on team find out. I wish I could know sooner as I still have ALL of DD's clothing and REALLY want to get rid of it. If it's a girl, I can get rid of about half of it since the kids would be about 6 months (a full season) apart size / age wise. If it's a boy... I can get rid of ALL OF IT!

ha! I'd rather not feel the pressure right now to do a darned thing about the bins and bins I have of DD's outgrown clothing in various closets around our home.

[scribellesam]

I don't care one way or the other if someone is team green, but I confess that I am confused by the artificial secrecy of it all to ensure that the parents get their big delivery room reveal. I mean, the u/s tech knows, all your doctors and nurses who look at your chart know, but they all do this elaborate dance around the team greens to preserve the "gender surprise."

It almost seems like you're taking it *more* seriously than those of us who find out at the anatomy scan. If you don't care either way, just find out when everyone else involved in your pregnancy does.

[anna7602]

Mar 7, 2014 17:15:32 GMT -5 scribellesam said:

I don't care one way or the other if someone is team green, but I confess that I am confused by the artificial secrecy of it all to ensure that the parents get their big delivery room reveal. I mean, the u/s tech knows, all your doctors and nurses who look at your chart know, but they all do this elaborate dance around the team greens to preserve the "gender surprise."

It almost seems like you're taking it *more* seriously than those of us who find out at the anatomy scan. If you don't care either way, just find out when everyone else involved in your pregnancy does.

I don't understand this reasoning at all. I have had a billion scans because my doctor recommended them, not because I care about finding out anything besides whether the baby is developing the way it should be. If I could dispense with all the scans and tests without worrying that something health-related would be missed, I'd happily do so.

Also, who are "all these people" who actually keep track of my baby's sex in their busy lives? I was pushing DD out last time when my doctor asked for clarification about whether we wanted to circumcise or not. She clearly didn't remember if she had seen that I was having a girl somewhere on my charts. In fact, in the moment, I thought my baby was coming out breech and that she had seen a penis.

[amaristella]

I know plenty of people who want it to be a surprise. You are not abnormal. I was desperate to know but reason was atypical. I was paranoid of finding out the same way I did the first time. It was just a really weird hang-up I had left over from my loss.

[amaristella]

Mar 7, 2014 12:52:46 GMT -5 vigurl said:

No I mean it wasn't that long ago that finding out the gender before birth wasn't an option. So I do not think there is anything wrong with that.

I just personally cant wait for anything

Signed, the girl who would unwrap all my presents under the tree late at night before xmas and then tape them back with scotch tape so no one finds out

Honestly I think that's where all the old wive's tales come from. People have always been curious to know.

[amaristella]

Also I think that this is not at all distantly related to keeping name choices a secret. Everyone has a different preference.

[anna7602]

Mar 7, 2014 18:00:25 GMT -5 amaristella said:

Also I think that this is not at all distantly related to keeping name choices a secret. Everyone has a different preference.

People make jerk-o comments about this, too, and act like the parents are AWs for keeping names secret. However, hearing "you named her what?" when I called my mother after giving birth instead of "congratulations" was validation enough for me that being called an AW for keeping names a secret was the least of my worries.

I feel like I should tag Odonata on this one since maybe it will make her feel better to know that her mom isn't the only one without a filter.

[scribellesam]

Mar 7, 2014 17:39:58 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Mar 7, 2014 17:15:32 GMT -5 scribellesam said:

I don't care one way or the other if someone is team green, but I confess that I am confused by the artificial secrecy of it all to ensure that the parents get their big delivery room reveal. I mean, the u/s tech knows, all your doctors and nurses who look at your chart know, but they all do this elaborate dance around the team greens to preserve the "gender surprise."

It almost seems like you're taking it *more* seriously than those of us who find out at the anatomy scan. If you don't care either way, just find out when everyone else involved in your pregnancy does.

I don't understand this reasoning at all. I have had a billion scans because my doctor recommended them, not because I care about finding out anything besides whether the baby is developing the way it should be. If I could dispense with all the scans and tests without worrying that something health-related would be missed, I'd happily do so.

Also, who are "all these people" who actually keep track of my baby's sex in their busy lives? I was pushing DD out last time when my doctor asked for clarification about whether we wanted to circumcise or not. She clearly didn't remember if she had seen that I was having a girl somewhere on my charts. In fact, in the moment, I thought my baby was coming out breech and that she had seen a penis.

Obviously your doctors and u/s techs don't care what sex your baby is, but in my opinion they are putting in extra effort, however small, to protect your baby's secret gender info before the birth, i.e. telling parents to look the other way during the anatomy scan or putting a note in your file to not mention the baby's sex.

It seems silly to act like you're being extra breezy about the whole thing compared to parents who find out when the medical professionals do. Like I said, I don't care if parents want that big surprise, I can certainly understand the arguments in favor of it even if I prefer something else. I disagree with the notion that team greens are breezier than the rest of us regarding gender based on that preference.