Catholic Baptism timing?

[marie3246]

Once our baby arrives we are going to have her baptized in our local church which they said typically is done around 8 weeks, but can be whenever you want. We do not have any local family and logistically trying to get everyone on the same page has been very difficult so far. We were thinking June/July timeframe because that works best for us and my family although we are flexible. H's family isn't as flexible due to work schedules and they have a wedding about 4 hours from us in May that they are using a weeks worth of vacation time to go to (so they can't take more vacation a month or so later) They said June/July/Aug is their busiest time with work and it would be hard to take off. They want to do Sept but I'm not sure I want to wait that long and it would cause my aunt not to be able to come as well as the baby not being able to wear the christening dress that has been a family tradition from before my family came over from Italy. And I'm also very superstitious about waiting that long to get her baptized. 

I really do want H's family to be able to attend and I think it is really important, but historically they are very very unreliable and I can't remember one time in the last 7 years when they have actually come to visit when they planned. Should I  schedule it for Sept in the hopes H's family can come or should I just do it when it works best for us and hope they can make it work for a weekend?

Also, they are coming for a few days in May before the wedding, but won't extend their trip to the weekend so we could do the baptism then. They don't work the weekends so I'm not sure why. 

[Deleted]

Any age is fine, really. Since you fully intend to get the baby baptized they are "covered" from a spiritual perspective.

With ds we did it at 4 wks old. With DD we didn't quite get it together that fast and did it at 8 wks old. They wouldn't schedule their baptisms at my church until after they were born.

[TrudyCampbell]

We did 6 weeks for my DD, but at her baptism the other babies had a wide range of ages. Some were over age 1.

(My church did it as a group, not sure if that is normal.)

[notoriousmeg]

DS was 4 months old when he was Baptized. We waited until my sister could travel from CA. If your inlaws are unreliable I would do it when is best for you and your husband although I don't think your child's age really matters.

[starlily]

We waited until DD was 2 yo. I was trying to plan a time while she was still an infant, but slacked on it, then my dad died and I was a mess for a long while.

Since you want to use a heirloom gown I say plan it whenever it works best for you. I wouldn't plan around unreliable people.

[tulip]

I would do what works best for you and the baby. It would be important to me that my child was able to wear that dress, it wouldn't be for everyone but that to me would be a concern. Plus, it sounds like they aren't willing to work that much with you. The weekend in may is what is sticking out to me.

[shell24]

Mar 9, 2014 10:52:58 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

 

Also, they are coming for a few days in May before the wedding, but won't extend their trip to the weekend so we could do the baptism then. They don't work the weekends so I'm not sure why. 

Especially because of the quoted, I would schedule when it was convenient for me and whoever could come would come.

[circa1978]

Henry was more than a year old when he was baptized - almost 1.5. He wasn't able to fit into H's family's heirloom gown but he'll still be welcomed into the kingdom of heaven, right?

If your ILs didn't have a history of being unreliable I would be more inclined to wait for them. I think there is a lot to be said for ritual and family and gathering around the child. But if that looks like it isn't going to happen, go for the time that works for you, particularly if it includes something meaningful to you, like the gown.

[lilafowler]

We had Eleanor baptized at 4 months-I just couldn't deal with the whole newborn first kid and planning a christening until I got into a groove.

[marie3246]

Mar 9, 2014 13:16:19 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Henry was more than a year old when he was baptized - almost 1.5. He wasn't able to fit into H's family's heirloom gown but he'll still be welcomed into the kingdom of heaven, right?

If your ILs didn't have a history of being unreliable I would be more inclined to wait for them. I think there is a lot to be said for ritual and family and gathering around the child. But if that looks like it isn't going to happen, go for the time that works for you, particularly if it includes something meaningful to you, like the gown.

.
The problem is that if we wait for them and then plan everything so they can come we are excluding some of my family and the wearing of the dress and the ILS may very well cancel anyways. They have done this to us over holidays where we have made special arrangements and they cancel right before. Their last trip to see us they rescheduled 8 times over 1.5 years before they finally came.

It is more important to have family here especially parents than to wear a dress but I'm hesitant bc of their history.

[my4girls]

My kids were between 4 and 6 months old. I scheduled it around people and weather. Dd4 won't be baptized until next month, she'll be 5.5 months, I didn't want to worry about it getting snowed out and no one being able to get there. I did the same for dd1 who was a December baby

[hopecounts]

Unless they have a good reason your ILs are choosing not to attend the christening by not staying in May or working with you on the schedule.
Plan it for when it works for you and tell your ILs that you would love to have them at the christening and here is the date.

DD wore he gown tan has been in DH's family for generations and it really meant a lot to both of us and my ILs, so don't discount that as meaningful.

[Deleted]

They're going to be relatively nearby and won't take an extra weekend to be at their grand child's christening? Screw them. Plan around the dress and the godparents.

[livinitup]

I'm Catholic and I've planned and attended lots of family baptisms. I even planned ours with both sides of the family out of state- in different states.

I really think you're overthinking it. Sure, you float dates and ask around so you don't directly conflict with big plans (weddings) and you try to work around conflicts and busy seasons. But you don't ASK everyone else to pick your baptism date. You and your baby are now more important than everyone else. That's a big change. You can act like it.

Pick the date that YOU and your DH want. Period. Pick a date that's reasonable - like the weekend before the trip they are already taking. Or another time before their "busy" season and leg them come or not come. Pick a date that important people YOU really want can come. It's an invitation, they can adjust their lives and schedules to come. Or decline.

Really. Don't get pushed around on this. It's sounds like you are very reasonable. Just move forward. Everyone will cope.

[KKD]

I agree with livinitup. The only people that NEED to be there are you and the godparents.

My kids were baptized between 3-5 months, and my two nieces were over a year old. I wouldn't stress yourself out trying to fit it in a certain timeframe.